The Agony and the Ecstasy

I'm moving.

2010-06-06T22:47:00.000-05:00

To Wordpress. Follow me, please!

Ennui.

2010-06-04T21:08:00.003-05:00

Yours. Not mine. Because I'm fine. I just don't have anything to write about. So if I were to actually write anything and you were to read that drivel, you too would be depressed and vaguely French.

Like, I could whine some more about how I'm unorganized and not doing well with the whole getting-ready-to-leave-for-weeks-in-a-few-days thing.

(I actually unpacked my suitcase. It was as I suspected- full of leftover National History Day programs. Which were quickly tossed to the side so that when my kids are cleaning this house after my parents shove off they'll find thirty adorably color-coordinated programs and be all, "Mom? You had a lot of time on your hands didn't you?" and I'll be all, "HEY. I had a life before I married your father, God rest his soul." Yes. In this fantasy my ridiculously old husband has passed away and I'm left with his millions. Mwahahaha.)

(You really needed to know that.)

In other trip-related news, I've purchased roughtly 482 sundresses because it's going to be hot! In the south! And I need clothes! And...kind of didn't think to buy anything else that I might actually need. So I did that today. And if you had been in the Grafton Target this afternoon, you would have gotten to witness to me wandering around with the most embarrassing collection of items imaginable until I FINALLY found my mom's cart, dumped them under a t-shirt, and handed her my credit card because I don't know what you're talking about, I certainly am not purchasing those things I'm very engrossed in this US magazine over here.

Oh. Good times.

Or we could talk about how I'm really really tired because I didn't get to nap today and, hey! Turns out I'm secretly a two-year-old and I REALLY NEED TO NAP. Because I'm tired. And cranky. And Criminal Minds is making me emotional.

Hell, we could talk about how A&E runs like four hours of Criminal Minds a night and I've watched damn close to four hours for the past few days and WOW that sucks I seriously need to get out more.

I get to go to out to work tomorrow. And meh. Don't wanna. No one wants to buy books. And I don't really want to sell them. And I'm a little bit insulted that the e-mail coupon offered EVERY FRIGGIN' WEEKEND is the same as my employee discount. So I could get exactly the same benefits without having to

Well. That was exciting.

Organized

2010-06-01T10:32:00.003-05:00

When I started college, I was an international relations major with a focus on Slavic states. Yeah...bad idea. I mean, I speak French at a first-grade level. And they have the same alphabet as we do.

Kathleen, you wonder. What was your reasoning for such a horrendous career choice? I mean, have you met yourself?

Shut up, I reply. I had a very good reason.

I had a vision of myself as a State Department employee- tall, thin, young, rushing off to Kiev to broker some ridiculously important peace treaty while wearing an adorable fitted suit that would totally make some world leader fall madly in love with me and we'd have lots of ridiculously multilingual babies. Of course, I was an amazing traveler. I had the whole low-maintenance-chignon-for-on-the-plane down. Adorable matching understated luggage. Certainly never broke down crying in the ladies room of the Wright Brothers Museum because I was exhausted and do you have any idea how many freaking planes there are to be looked at in Ohio because I do oh God want to die.*

*ahem*

Obviously, this fantasy made very little sense. Let's break it down.

Tall? I was 17. While I may not have been (or am) pleased with being 5' 2", chances are that wasn't going to change ONCE I HIT MY TWENTIES. But we all know that I'm not a science person.

Thin? I was a...let's say "stocky"...teenager. Most of my adolescent fantasies feature me waif-like. Because I'm shallow. Maybe if I'd stopped being shallow long enough to eat a veggie once in awhile, I would have been a little less...stocky.

Young? Yeah, they totally let the 23-year-old newbies broker peace agreements with Russia.

Okay, the whole world leader thing started when I a.) read Bridget Jones and laughed at the line "Tony Blair was the first PM you could imagine voluntarily having sex with" until I realized IT WAS TRUE and b.) had a...weird...dream about the Ukrainian president. Remember that whole thing with the dioxin poisoning? I mean, he was passably attrac...okay. No. But I refuse to apologize for my subconscious.

Anyway, let's ignore the fact that even had I stayed with the whole international relations thing, and gotten a job with the State Department, and actually left the United States occasionally- I'm not sure what I thought I'd be doing that I was working closely with a lot of world leaders? And why they'd fall madly in love with me? And why they wouldn't have a problem when I refused to learn their language and wanted to raise the kids in Milwaukee because my mom's here, dude.

Yeah. No problem with reality there at all.

Anyway, the biggest problem with this vision of myself is that I am not organized enough to be a good traveler. I'm okay once I get going, and yeah, I probably could have figured out how to do a chignon at some point and we all know I love buying things so the matching luggage would not have been a problem. But I would have been an absolute mess preparing for each and every jaunt because I AM SO UNORGANIZED.

Like this morning. I tried to find my suitcase. It wasn't in my closet, it wasn't in the attic. I had no idea where it could be. I mean, I haven't used that one in several years and my house is not that big. Then I remembered. I used it to carry all the National History Day stuff to campus. So it's still in my office. Full of National History Day stuff. And has been SINCE MARCH.

See? This is why I could never be that tall, thin, Russian-speaking diplomat that my junior-in-high-school self wanted so badly to be. Because I do stupid things like NOT UNPACK FOR THREE MONTHS.

In case you don't know the end of the story, I actually got to college, decided I hated everything related to the international studies major, decided I didn't want to live in Ukraine even if Tony Blair asked me to (I realize I'm mixing fantasies now), and became a history major.

I'm still five two. I'm slightly less...stocky (but funny thing, that doesn't turn you into the person you want to be like you think it does in high school). But at least I don't have to plan on unpacking more than once a year.

I mean conferences? From what I hear you can pretty much just bring a change of clothes and a bottle of vodka.

*True story.

Veni Sancte Spiritus

2010-05-27T07:49:00.002-05:00

In keeping with my major life goal to keep you up-to-date on the mundane happenings of my life,* you should know that my TA preference form arrived a few days ago. I got to rank my top four choices for next semester. And...there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I mean really. You expected me to react normally to this? Are you new here?

I knew what my first choice was. (And I did everything but write smiley faces next to it on the form.) But after that, no clue. Like, I could have thrown darts at the page and probably come up with a fairly decent offering.

And it's not like I didn't know this was coming, I've been looking over the classes since March when I found out I was offered the TAship.

I just didn't know. Some things had a really great schedule but required me to talk about sex to 18-year-olds for five hours a week until December (Um. Eww.), some had kind of good topics but there were tons of TAs and I'm deeply antisocial...no clue.

So I prayed about it. I don't do that a lot. I get the point of prayer and it's awesome and I'm totally into it...I'm just not very good at it. I get wicked distracted and end up figuring out what I have to do that day instead. I'm so totally not a meditative person. A few months ago I was listening to a woman who was a doctoral candidate and had five or six kids (I can't remember, I was pretty busy dry-heaving in the corner because I WILL NEVER BE THAT CAPABLE.), and she said that while she rarely had time for long meditative prayer you know what with the billions of kids and three hundred page book she was writing, she did find it very helpful to say a really short prayer "veni sancte spiritus" (come, Holy Spirit) whenever she was going crazy.

(Again. Children. And a doctoral dissertation. I'd be drunk. All. The. Time.)

Anyway, I thought that was totally awesome. First of all, Latin. Big props. Second, even I could pay attention for three words.

So I've been doing that since September. And decided it was a pretty good idea in this situation. I mean, Pentecost and all. It's kind of his season, right?

And...nothing happened. Monday passed. Tuesday passed. I woke up on Wednesday (the day I was going to turn in the form) and still had no idea what to write down. I may have yelled "The Holy Spirit's not working!" at my mom, and I'm sure at that moment she was thrilled that she gave up her law practice to raise me.

So I was freaking out and sat down to fill out the form. And I knew what to write down. I don't know how. It certainly wasn't a huge lightening flash moment, and none of the classes sounded any different when I went over them in my head. But I knew what to write.

So I have no idea what I'm going to get, but I think it's going to work out fine.

*Hey. You decided to be my friend.

My condolences.

2010-05-25T10:54:00.002-05:00

I opened my e-mail this morning, and there was a message from the history department secretary giving us the sad news that *Blank*'s mom had passed away and she had a card for us to sign. It was sent to everyone associated with the department.

The normal first reaction from someone who admittedly had to Google *Blank* because she had no idea who he was* but was a fairly decent human being possessing a warm heart would be something along the lines of, "Oh, how awful. I'll keep his family in my prayers."

My first reaction? "HOLY &*#% I'M ON THE FACULTY MAILING LIST THAT IS SOOO COOL."

Yeah. I'm a horrible person.**

*History professor, specializing in race relations and African-American history. Well. That explains it. If you didn't talk about a pope or a western European king, chances are I avoided your class like the plague.
** I promise, within three seconds I responded like a normal adult. My deepest sympathies, Dr. *Blank*.

Found.

2010-05-24T21:09:00.007-05:00

I feel that, as a functioning* member of society, I need to comment on the Lost series finale.

Lost and I had a very complicated relationship. We were hot and heavy for the first few years. It premiered my junior year of high school, and I was all about Lost. I remember joking with a friend of mine that our life goals were based primarily on whatever was on TV the night before. So the day after CSI we were going to be chemistry majors and become investigators, Mondays after Boston Legal, we were pre-law. Anyway, we were so into Lost that every Thursday morning we considered storming Concordia's advising office to figure which classes would best prepare us to be stranded on an island with Matthew Fox.

The second season premiere? I left a funeral.

I'm not even kidding.

(Incidentally, I'm pretty sure my degrees in history and Jewish studies do just about that...)

Like many couples, things got busy. We just didn't have time for each other. When the time slot changed, I just couldn't do it anymore. I had already been seeing CSI:NY, and I was fairly certain that my relationship with ~~Gary Sinise~~ that show was going places.

Well, we broke up too. I would occasionally run into Lost, on the odd night. But we had both changed so much that it was impossible to pick up again. I was in college and occasionally would forgo television to either study or go out with actual people,** they had moved to Tuesdays...it just wouldn't work.

But last night. Last night I tuned in. I figured that it was pretty cool that it was ending the week after I graduated from college, because I remember so clearly being seventeen and such a different person when it premiered- I had to watch. And...wow. It was...amazing.

I'm not going to pretend that I understood it, or that it was perfect, or whatever, but I will say that when each character realized their alternate(?) realities, I cried. Like, EVERY. TIME. Aaron and Claire and the baby made me a little teary. Kate and Jack caused embarrassing Titanic-like heaving sobs.

I made the mistake of watching it with my dad. My dad is...hard to please. I think he just doesn't like...complicated things. He was not in favor of the (awesome) ending. The show ended, my sister has tears running down her face and has completely abandoned her friends in the other room, my brother is manfully trying to comment on the implications of the ending but his voice is totally cracking, and I'm curled in the fetal position on the floor weeping.

"It was unfulfilling! I didn't get it!"***

What. The. Frick.

I could not take it anymore.

"You know what you just don't understand that was awesome and I don't care that it doesn't make sense the doggie came back and the first shot was of Jack's eye opening and it was beautiful and you don't even know just leave if you're going to be insensitive and could you possibly bring me a Kleenex or maybe a Xanax?" *sniff*

Honestly. I don't think he would have been happy if Damon Lindelof had been sitting here on the couch explaining the mythology personally.

So. It was the end of an era.

*And my "functioning," I mean delusional and possessing of way too much free time.
** Okay. Not frequently. But it happened.
*** This is also what he said after seeing Star Trek. Or, the Best Movie of 2009 Or Maybe Any Year Ever.

Dear Your Majesty,

2010-05-23T07:46:00.002-05:00

Hi. It's Kathleen. Again. I know. We chit-chat a lot. I'm sorry. I really want to marry your grandson. And your relatives keep doing ridiculous things that I would never think to do, and I feel the need to share this with you, since I technically am still barred from marrying him.

(What? Like that Kate girl is going anywhere?)

ANYWAY. Today my issue is with Fergie.

I'm not terribly bright. I mean, okay, academically I do fine. But I have to drive to Sheboygan Falls this morning and I am flabbergasted by the fact that it's THIRTY-FIVE MILES from my house. My father, incidentally, finds this hilarious. This was us last night:

Dad: *almost kills himself laughing so hard* *What? He hardly ever exercises.* Where...*chortles*...where did you think it was?

Me: I don't know. There...*points vaguely north*...kind of? Like just past Wal-Mart?

Okay. You can't fault me. I mean, I'm not a true Ozaukee County girl. When I was dragged here literally kicking and screaming when I was eleven I refused to learn any road names or indeed look beyond Target because I was So. Not. Staying. Here. Uh. Nonono. This was merely a stopping point before I left when I went to law school.

Um. Yeah. I don't know how, exactly, eleven-year-old me anticipated being able to pay for law school or the fabulous apartment in the North Shore that she also had furbished in her head. Suffice to say that 22-year-old me is still living here. With student loans. And not in law school.

My point was that Wal-Mart? Was about as far north as I figured I ever needed to go. I mean, I-43 curves, y'all. I don't need to deal with a whole lot beyond that.

Except turns out I do. And MapQuest and I are having a fight. Ever since they erroneously told my parents that Mequon Country Club had all sorts of entrances and then, shocking, it doesn't, and I was called in the middle of the night because they couldn't get to John at post-prom and you know what? Why do I even have a phone in my bedroom if it DOESN'T WORK???

Wait. Where was I going with that?

Oh. Right. Why I should marry William.

I would, once again, never do anything like this.

Love,

Kathleen

He's so ashamed of me.

2010-05-22T08:57:00.003-05:00

I have a little brother. Well, I say little. He's 17. And bigger than me. He's in a band. He's ten times cooler than I ever was in high school. Or hell, now. I'll bet next year my students are going to be all, "Dude. This chick blows. But her brother looks like a good time."*

But in my head he's three years old and doing tricks with his pacifier.

Anyway, throughout our lives, I have served mainly only to embarrass him. When we were little I was fond of dressing him in old bridesmaid dresses. There was that period where I made him to my errands for me.** When he hit puberty, I became very fond of talking about all stages of the menstrual cycle because it's fun to watch his entire face turn green.

Lately, I've taken to yelling "Seminary!" at him at random intervals. Because so help me God, that kid will end up at St. Francis de Sales if I have to hog tie him.***

(YES, I said hog tie. I live in Grafton.)

ANYWAY. Yesterday he had a not-senior-picture photo shoot, because it was free. And he had a tux. Because he's going to prom. See? Again with the much-more-popular than I ever was thing.

So he's doing his thing, looking adorable, and I'm totally turning into my sister. Seriously. He looks awesome. And I mean that in the least narcissistic way possible, because I've been told we all look alike even though I don't see it. So I'm basically squeeing like a fangirl and my mom is crying because her baby! Is grown up! And standing with one hand in his pocket casually! With his jacket slung over his shoulder!****

And then I leaned down to my mom and whispered, "He's going to be such a Father What-a-Waste."

She laughed really hard. John, upon learning of this a little bit later? Not so much.

Whatever. That's my boy!

*No, I don't know why my students would know my brother. Except that it works in that paragraph.
**That ended sometime last week, I think
***I'm all in favor of legitimate vocations. Unless you're my brother and will marry someone I don't like who may want to take jewelry that's going to my daughters. Then I'm going all medieval on you.
****Okay. That pose annoyed me a little. It was a little bit too suave. Clearly this guy had never seen John go down on a plate of lasagna.

Life skills.

2010-05-20T10:11:00.004-05:00

So my family is taking a vacation relatively soon.* Like, alarmingly soon. My mom is the one who plans family trips. She's just...does. She always has, and I'm guessing I could be married with three kids and she'll still call and be all, "We're leaving on the 14th, do you guys need a microwave for the bottles?"

Well, this spring has been kind of hectic. John's confirmation, my graduation, and the whole general-life-being-difficult thing kind of took up a lot of time. And so we kind of maybe don't totally have places to stay in most of the cities we're going to be in. So. This week my sister and I decided to help. She was going to figure out the things that we were going to do in the cities, and I was going to find hotels.

Because Civil War history doesn't make her want to kill herself, and I really don't want to come home from this trip a size larger and reeking, so I can find places with a treadmill and laundry services.

It was a good plan.

I mean, really. I'm 22, I'm technically a graduate student,** I could probably find a few hotels.

Except it turns out that there's a reason my mother plans trips. She's really good at it.

I found one hotel, in Washington, D.C. Based solely on the criteria that they had a Starbucks in the lobby. And I think they were located kinda sorta close to the Mall, maybe. I think. Except they were completely booked. Then I got bored. And went to have lunch. And...my mom found the rest of them.

But I did hover over her shoulder and whine like a five-year-old, so I'm pretty sure they all have laundry services.

I know, this is very interesting. Aren't you glad I'm the only person left in the world with a blog?

*I'm being nonspecific so you don't come and steal my 13-inch tube television. I know. It's temping. Although if you wanted to do so, and enjoy some wicked cool non-HD programming on me, you could just head over to my sister's Facebook page, where she has occasionally stops foaming at the mouth with excitement to update her status with the number of days left.
**I'm not trying to be obnoxious. I JUST LOVE SAYING THAT.

Class of 2010

2010-05-18T10:40:00.002-05:00

Oh, internets. Are you bored? Do you want to eat up a few days? I have an awesome plan for you- graduate, have a rather large gathering, and then post eleven thousand pictures of it on Facebook. And before you know it, it's Tuesday. And you still can't look at a cookie without wanting to throw up.

It was awesome. It really was. I know graduations are supposed to be all anticlimactic and whatever, people, I don't know what you're talking about. Except for the fact that I looked like a troll in my cap and gown, I frickin' loved it. I've never had one, and this totally made up for it.

Also, there was a lot of food and quite a few presents, and I am also secretly a six-year-old and I love presents so this was quite awesome.

I can't wait for May of 2012.

Take my advice, kids.

2010-05-15T21:19:00.002-05:00

If you can, start hanging out with seminarians. Why? Well, lots of reasons. Mostly because it's really funny to watch someone in a Roman collar getting carded. No. For reals. Hilarious. But also, you'll probably get invited to their ordination.

Which I can tell you, having attended one this morning, is wicked cool. My hair still smells like incense, there was awesome music, I frickin' love Archbishop Listecki...I'm sure there's more. I know I came up with a list when I spent an hour telling my brother about it totally just because I wanted to share and not at all because I wanted to make it seem like THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCE EVER so much better than getting married to some girl I won't like.

*ahem*

You know what? It's like a really cool wedding, except you don't have to pretend to be happy for the bride. ~~Skinny happy bitch.~~

I KNOW, RIGHT? I'm going to start going every year.

Tomorrow is my portion of the major life changes weekend. I mean, I'm really excited, but it's kind of nowhere near as important. The Holy Spirit will probably not be involved. When we would talk about it, the ~~seminarian~~ priest would be all, "Oh, we're celebrating your graduation, too!" and I'd be all, "Yeah, but I can't consecrate anything afterwards. You win. At life."

It's true. My degrees that I will be technically awarded tomorrow qualify me to be unemployed, not anything fun like hear confessions. (Which, can I just say? I would love.)

Oh. That's one thing. As cool as today was, he's never going to hear my confession. I don't care what the circumstances are. We're on a plane, hurdling towards the ocean? I'm good. I'll bank on a merciful God. There's not enough ontological changes in the world.

This isn't going to be pretty.

2010-05-13T08:08:00.003-05:00

So. It's 8:08. I've already cried twice. I have a raging headache. I worked out for no reason except that it was an hour and a half that I probably wouldn't be crying. I should probably go dry my hair. Maybe. I don't know. My dad, who is the least sentimental person in the world, said, "Oh! I remember when you were all excited to go to kindergarten!" to me this morning.

(Yes. I know I'm coming right back. SHUT UP.)

Yesterday was...weird. I didn't want to do anything. I literally sat on the couch in sweatpants for like an hour. I don't wear sweatpants. In fact, they weren't even sweatpants, because I don't own those, they were workout pants and that was as slovenly as I could get. I really wanted cake. I came like this close to baking one, but then I figured it was way too much effort and would take away a good 35 minutes of my melancholy. So I told Colleen to pick up my brother and took a nap instead.

Then we had a weepy half-price frappuccino party. Which, I've got to say, Starbucks, I sure as hell would not pay full price for, but $2.45 for a venti is a good price to drown your irrational sorrows in.

I think the part I'm least looking forward to is my 3:30 class. I know I'm going to &*%#ing lose it after antisemitism, and then I have to go take an exam. Oh, great joy.

So. Um. This is going to be interesting.

Some Dos and Don'ts.

2010-05-12T20:24:00.002-05:00

Okay. Attention, people of roughly my age. It has recently come to my attention that you have, like, negative idea of how to dress. In most cases you can put on sufficient items of clothing,(sometimes too many, and we'll get to that later) but they are almost entirely not appropriate.

So. For instance. You get an invitation to the honors convocation. It very, very clearly states appropriate dress is business casual. About a quarter of you got it right. Most of the business school. A few architecture majors. About half of Letters and Sciences (I sincerely hope I was in that half.) The rest of you? Notsomuch.

So. A few things.

-Real fabrics. They're awesome. Wear them.

-Anything from the Kohl's junior department is not business casual. I don't care if it's a neutral fabric. It's not. No. I promise. Don't argue with me. You end up looking like you're going to family court to attempt regain custody from your mom because this Miley Cyrus blazer says "I'm totally clean now."

-Dressier is better. Skirts are okay. I'm a big fan of skirts. They automatically make you look more put-together, even if they're cheap.

-And you need a lot of help in that department.

-I get that it's May and you were probably going for something spring-like and floaty. However. It's also approximately 35 degrees outside. So. You attempted to...layer?...the floaty-ness. And, um, it didn't work. Also. Floaty tube tops? ARE NOT BUSINESS CASUAL.

-Boys. Facial hair. Get rid of it unless you possess enough testosterone to cover the lower part of your face. And then get rid of it. Because it probably looks horrible.

-Girls. Same thing.

-Your breasts? Did not maintain a 3.5 GPA over at least 40 upper level credits. Therefore, they are not invited to the gathering. Please keep them under a sweater.

-Another helpful use for the sweater? Covering that weird armpit fat that everyone, even skinny people, possess. Trust me on this one.

-Again, I cannot stress this enough- DO NOT GO TO THE JUNIORS DEPARTMENT. I love the juniors department. Nowhere else can you find jeans that don't have a 18-inch rise and relatively cute t-shirts for $6. But unless getting sunburned and/or wasted is on the agenda, please go to misses. Like the adult you (presumably) are.

-The point of makeup is to make you look like a more polished version of yourself. Not make us believe that you somehow took a vacation during finals week and got a wicked tan that made (just) your face eight shades darker than the rest of your body. We're honor students, remember?

-Same goes for your peroxide hair. It should at least slightly resemble a color found in nature.

-I'm looking at you, Peck School of the Arts.

Thank you, and have a pleasant day. I'll be looking to see how much you learned on Sunday.

Cute but stupid.

2010-05-10T16:50:00.002-05:00

My hair is a near constant source of irritation for me. It has been since...oh...I was about two years old. At two years old? It was adorable, man. Bright red corkscrew curls? I looked like a frickin' china doll.

After Month 25? Meh, not so much.

It stayed red for a few years...then turned kind of blond...now it changes with the seasons and I don't even try to pretend to know what it is, but I did get wicked mad when I got mystery shopped and the customer said I had brown hair because HEY I DO NOT HAVE BROWN HAIR NO I DIDN'T ASK YOU IF YOU WANTED A REWARDS CARD BUT MY HAIR IS DEFINITELY KIND OF AUBURN SORT OF BUT DEFINITELY NOT BROWN.*

But the color isn't the problem. It's the fact that it's of a texture not found in nature. There are hue amounts of it. It's ridiculously thick and takes forfreakingever to do anything with.

Which brings me to my point, and the title.** Timing. I'm not good at it. Getting out of the house at an appropriate time is difficult enough for me, and when you add things like going near my hair it gets even more difficult.

For about a year, I've had the timing down for straightening it. Oh, it took me awhile. Months, in fact. See, I used to look like a Muppet. Yeah. Whatever-color-it-felt-like-being-that-day*** massive ~~frizz~~ curl as far as the eye could see.**** ANYWAY. I figured it out, and managed to work it into my routine.

Recently, for reasons that I've already been vain enough to talk about once, I've started curling my hair sometimes. I leave the rollers in for about an hour. So I figured just add an hour onto the time I already spend straightening, and we're good to go.

Except, remember, I'm bad at timing. See, I kind of forgot that I can't just blink my eyes ala Jeannie and the rollers pop themselves into my hair. I have to wait for them to heat up. And then put them in my hair. And that whole process takes a good half hour. And...I can't really do a whole lot while they're sitting there, because if I move my head too much they fall out. And...you know what, I'm just dumb, is all.

Well, I should probably wrap this up, because (shocking) I'm running late. My point is that I have the honors ceremony tonight. And I wanted my hair curly and pretty. And even on a day when I had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO until six o'clock at night, I am SO BAD at the timing that I'm going to be putting on mascara in the car.

*Not that there's anything wrong with that.
**I don't think I'm cute. REALLY not. But that was a line in a Frasier episode once and it really made me laugh.
***I've never dyed my hair, it just literally changes color depending on the day.
****I also weighed a good sixty pounds more. So, if you knew me before summer of 2009...I'd like you to forget that you did.

Like

2010-05-09T21:18:00.002-05:00

I was fixing my Facebook privacy settings the other day, and glanced at my list of pages that I ~~became a fan of~~ liked.

And...they made me laugh.

A sample smattering-

"Don't you hate it when a party can't start until Ke$ha walks in?" I know I do.

"Milwaukee Jewish Federation" and "United States Conference of Catholic Bishops." Ironic, no?

"I was going to post a status, and then I remembered that I have family on Facebook." This is a quandary.

"UWM Libraries" I do read. Sometimes. When I'm not fanning Ke$ha groups.

"James Roday" and "Archbishop Timothy Dolan" I really liked Dolan, but I really like Psych, too.

"Hand Sanitizer" I liked it before H1N1.

"UWM Jewish Studies Majors and Minors" They gave me an award.

Strange Women Lying in Ponds Distributing Swords as a Government System"

"Golden Key International Honor Society" They still let me in. Despite the Monty Python groups.

Your old grandpa...

2010-05-07T18:17:00.002-05:00

Grandpa was really fond of saying, "Your old grandpa's really proud of you." He wasn't the kind of guy to, like, jump up and down and squeal and hug us when we accomplished something, but he would pat us on the arm and say, "Your old grandpa's really proud of you."

(Well, he usually hugged us, too.)

I've (obviously) thought about him nearly constantly since he died, but it's been really hard these last few weeks because I know that he would have been thrilled that I'm graduating, and he would have loved participating in all this stuff.

(Senior honors convocation on Monday? We would have had to pick him up several hours early.)

This has been kind of an emotional week, though, and I've really missed him.

On Wednesday we found out my mom was okay, again. And no matter how many times we go through that, it doesn't get any easier. It was never easy for him, either, and that, at least, I am thankful that he doesn't have to suffer anymore.

Yesterday afternoon we found out that my sister won an essay contest- one of only three students from the entire University of Wisconsin system. I, of course, jumped up and down and squealed and hugged her because while the OCD may be genetic, the reserve is not. (See: My entire internet career.)

And then I thought about Grandpa. He, more than almost anyone in the world, would understand what this award meant to her. How she has managed to handle herself with grace and dignity and maintain unbelievable academic standards that are higher than my own often while going through absolute hell I definitely don't understand, but I think he could. And he would have been thrilled.

Today I received the graduating major award in Jewish Studies. He would have a.) found that hilarious, and b.) been thrilled. The ceremony was great- my favorite professors were all there and one said things that made me cry and one made me cry because he's not going to be my professor anymore and seriously, my grandpa's gone and I know it's been like eighteen months but I DON'T CARE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER THIS CERTIFICATE.

*sniff*

But you know what? His doctor was there.

I know. It seems dumb. But Grandpa loved doctors. More than most people love their children. He especially loved this one doctor.

I know, dumb, right? But the fact that his guy just happens to be on the board and I never knew it because he uses a nickname and he was there and he hugged me and congratulated me? Well, the omg-really-you-liked-my-Zionism-paper-that-I-thought-was-crap? tears? Met their match.

So thanks, Grandpa.

Anything to add, Cardinal Stritch?

2010-05-05T17:41:00.003-05:00

The grad school decision(s) is/are behind me. Everything has been figured out.

So. When I got the mail this afternoon, I really didn't pay much attention to the Marquette envelope. But, you know, I do so love getting mail that doesn't include death threats from Capital One, so I opened it.

And guess what? In a letter dated May 3, 2010 (as in, two and a half weeks the- apparently almost- universal grad school acceptance date of April 15), they offered me a complete scholarship.

The day after I signed a TA contract with another place.

Thank you, guys. That's great. FANTASTIC. I really appreciate that.*

I'm not mad. I'm really not. It's still not as great a package as UWM offered me, and can you even imagine the tears if I WASN'T COMING RIGHT BACK? Yeah. I didn't think so. It's just..really? REALLY? MAY THIRD???

I think I'm going to save the letter and keep it with my decision from Stritch. Which should arrive sometime around the beginning of August.

*And also I'm probably going to have to get my PhD from you guys. So we're totally cool, right? Right? I mean, I'm kidding. Totally.

List. Part the...oh, I forget.

2010-05-04T21:20:00.003-05:00

Things I Have Done Today:

1.) Had tortilla chips and an embarrassingly large number of cookies for dinner.

2.) Cried about the end of the semester. Twice.

3.) Bought lots and lots of clothes.

4.) Saved more than I spent!

5.) Got Kohl's cash!

6.) Sounded like a Kohl's commercial.

7.) Gave a presentation in Holocaust theology.

8.) Wrote a kick-ass thesis and introduction for my intermarriage and conversion paper.

9.) Downloaded Glee's "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

10.) Listened to Glee's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" approximately 583 times.

11.) Regretted being born in 1987 and thus too late to enjoy the love anthems of the '80s.

Things I Have Not Done Today:

1.) Had anything remotely nutritious to eat.

2.) You know, something that may help prevent me from bursting into tears at the thought of graduation from a place I'M COMING RIGHT BACK TO.

3.) Seriously, you guys. It's embarrassing.

4.) Behaved in a responsible manner at Kohl's.

5.) Whatever. Kohl's Cash!

6.) Got yelled at by the auditors in my class. Like the kid after me. Poor kid.

7.) Wrote the ensuing 7-10 pages of my intermarriage and conversion paper.

8.) Gotten tired of listening to Glee's "Total Eclipse of the Heart."

9.) Developed a sense of shame about sharing this all with you.

Um....

2010-05-03T14:35:00.002-05:00

I have been so productive today. I know, right? Amazing. I did my financial aid stuff, I returned everything I needed to return, I found clothing that is slightly more appropriate for late June in Savannah than my normal I'm-going-to-wear-long-sleeves-and-attempt-to-distract-you-from-my-pasty-pasty-arms-with-my-breasts wear, and even looked into a job. Although I'm not sure it's going to pan out because, funny thing- when you tell them right off the bat that you're leaving in the middle of August, chances are most places don't want you leaving for three weeks in the middle of June. Huh. Oh well.

The one thing I haven't done? Written my paper. The last paper that I have to write for my undergraduate career. That I really, really need to write.

Oops.

But the clothes! That was fun!

Oh, I did laundry, too. You're jealous, aren't you?

I'm sure you don't care.

2010-05-01T09:30:00.003-05:00

Oh, internets. It's been a few days, right? I know. You missed me. I have had very important things to talk about. Like how I want to just start hanging around the Jewish Museum, and I'm really upset about the end of the semester, and I got an award for Jewish scholarship which I find amazing and funny at the same time...and my hair. Because I figured out that if it's going to look the way I want it to for graduation I need to be in the shower at four-thirty in the morning and wow, that deserves a post all it's own, I think.

Oh, you wanted to talk about those things? Okay.

-I went to a lecture on Tuesday night because it was given by a guy who could tell me he was giving a lecture on how much I suck and I'd be all, dude, sign me up. Is there an admission fee? Can I bring my mom? ANYWAY.

When I go to these lectures, I'm always in the minority. I was at one at the JCC a few months ago and realized that I was the only person in the hall who still ovulated. Yep. Believing in Christ's resurrection and still getting my period? Definite minority when you're in Jewish studies. But this time I had company! I dragged Katie and there was even another student who showed up.

So I don't know where I was going with that except that it probably grossed out any family members who read this and oh, yeah, I really had a good time and I wish the Dead Sea Scrolls were going to stick around forever because I freaking love going to lectures that don't have anything to do with FDR or the British partition of Palestine!

-Psst. Come here. Closer. I'm about to drop some knowledge. Do you know what I just figured out? THERE ARE TWO WEEKS LEFT IN THE SEMESTER. I know. I know. That's four classes that I have left.

This? Is not cool. I am really, really not okay with that.

(I'm okay with the work being over. I have one paper left to write and let's just say I'm taking applications for someone who wants to write 7-10 pages about Jewish intermarriage and conversion in 19th-century Berlin. I'M KIDDING. I would never plagiarize. Don't take away my award. Or if you do, do it because of the whole resurrection thing I wrote about up there.)

So. More tears.

-No. For reals. I did. And you know what's funnier? They gave the other one to the only other Catholic in the group.

So. Again with the dropping the knowledge. You want to distinguish yourself? Find an obscure major and work really hard and then you'll get to hang out at awards ceremonies where it's basically you and your friend.

Oh, you wanted a real job? Sorry. Can't help you.

-I have to be at the US Cellular Arena at 8:15. You don't (hopefully) know where I live, but it's FREAKING FAR. And this (if this wasn't the internet you would see me furiously gesturing to my hair) DOESN'T JUST HAPPEN.

*headdesk*

That's all.

Oh. Except that I got the best graduation gift in the world last night.

I think I need some rehab. Or maybe I just need some sleep.

2010-04-27T08:51:00.004-05:00

Shut up. I get that using Ke$ha lyrics to describe how I feel about my graduation from college presents a dichotomy. But, I can use "dichotomy" appropriately in a sentence. So that's goo...you know what? Nothing makes that okay.

ANYWAY.

My point is that the weepy portion of the semester has commenced. Yesterday. I really thought I'd be okay. I finished my thesis. I printed it. ~~I took pictures of it.~~ I even was okay with the nice e-mail my advisor sent me. I walked up to the third floor of Holton, and I was even okay when I put it in his mailbox. And...then I ended up crying in the stairwell.

I'm not kidding.

Not like huge, heaving sobs or anything, but there were definite tears. I mean, I freaking loved my thesis, guys and I worked so hard on it and I finished with the quote by John Paul II that says, "As the children of Abraham we are called Christians and Jews to be a blessing to the world. In order to be such, we must first of all be a blessing to one another,” and I remember when John Paul II died and I cried about that too and he was such a good man and I can't believe I'm graduating from college and I don't care that I'm coming right back this is devastating...and well, you get the point.

SO. That happened. And the floodgates? They're opened. Incidentally, this is another reason why I won't be pleasant during pregnancy. Once you get me going? I will cry at anything.

I cried at the end of a documentary about Pius XII this morning. Okay. It was five-thirty. And I was a teensy bit exhaustive. And it was beautifully done, man.

*sniff*

Don't judge me.

I think I'm finished.

2010-04-25T22:22:00.002-05:00

With the confirmations for the season, I mean.

Events- hell, no. I can't even keep track of the stuff I have going on the next few weeks. I'd tell you, but I literally cannot remember what they all are. If you'd like to get in touch with me, I'll be in a tent on the corner of Downer and Kenwood because I'm pretty much needed for various events in and around campus from now until graduation and frankly it's just not worth the gas to drive back to Grafton.

But confirmations- they're finished. Which is sad. I love confirmation. I loved mine, I've loved every one I've ever been at. I think it's the chrism. I really love the smell of chrism. Thankfully John has so much hair that he kind of still smells like it!

So it was a lovely weekend and I think I have an entire forty-eight hours before some other extraneous lecture or ugh, having to go to school.

Speaking of things which I am way too busy to deal with, I am so. effing. thankful. that I finished my thesis early so I don't have it hanging over my head. I'm turning that sucker in tomorrow. Oh, it's beautiful. Really really long and perfectly footnoted in Chicago style* and oh, well, I'm pretty sure tomorrow's post is going to be all about how I had a breakdown in the hallway of Holton when I turned it in because MY BABY I CANNOT LEAVE YOU!!!

(And...does anyone wonder why I'm single? I can't imagine they do.)

*Which it may have not had this morning. When I realized they were in the wrong format. Oops. I'M SORRY, OKAY? The Center for Jewish Studies uses a different style and you know what, I cannot be expected to keep them straight. I don't care that I'm going to be a history grad student.

That sound? Is my grandmother turning in her grave.

2010-04-22T21:40:00.002-05:00

So...I spent the evening watching The Vicar of Dibley episodes on Netflix with my sister. Because what the hell else would I have to do? Right?

(HEY. I'm only 22. It's not sad for a few more years.)

ANYWAY.

We watched the Christmas specials that ended the series, where Geraldine marries Richard Armitage. (He's also known in my house as The Guy Who is So Hot Even My Dad Likes Watching North and South.)

And. New life plan. Screw this whole history professor thing. And my bordering-on-militant Catholicism? Gone.

Nope. I'm going to move to England, gain four hundred pounds, and become an Anglican vicar. And then meet Richard Armitage and have lots of sex and babies. Anglican babies. Because while I find the idea of hitting on your congregants a little bit disgusting, seriously, did you click on that link before?

Protestantism is where it's at.

Good to know.

2010-04-21T08:47:00.005-05:00

The last few weeks I've been really, really sick in the mornings. Not just, ew, I kind of feel gross. Because that's pretty much par for the course. I get up at 4:30. There's no way to feel except kind of gross at 4:30 in the morning. No, this is like, wow, I need to sit down kind of nausea.

It perplexed me. I mean, it definitely wasn't pregnancy. People rarely mention me in the same sentence as the Blessed Mother unless there's an "isn't anything like" in between us. But maybe a phantom pregnancy like on CSI? Can the CSI people come investigate? Please?

Well, I couldn't let that opportunity go, so I decided to try to figure out what was causing it.

I'm fairly intelligent. I'm 22, I'm graduating with honors and get a whole special ceremony for that, I'm started graduate school in the fall. You'd probably think someone who convinces a university department to pay her would call her doctor.

Pssh. I don't have a doctor.

My doctor started offering botox injections and charging me a $3,700 stipend (on top of insurance co-pays) for the privilege of yearly gynecological exams.

Oh. And she tried to massage away my mom's cancer.

I decided that me and my gynecological needs could go somewhere that wasn't beginning to look like the set from the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Except...I kind of haven't. It's been, like, a long time and ugh, just like so much work trying to make an appointment and...you know what? I don't need to justify myself to you, internets. I have been BUSY. With THINGS. IMPORTANT THINGS. ~~Like Doctor Who episodes.~~ VERY IMPORTANT THINGS.

So. It was the internet or nothing. But not even WebMD.

Nope. I turned to answers.yahoo.com. Oh yeah. My parents are so thrilled they poured all that money into tuition now.

And according to Shauna1593 from Poughkeepsie, my unbelievably awful morning sickness is probably not due to anything weird like a phantom pregnancy but a reaction to a multivitamin.

So. I guess CSI isn't coming.

This is why you need mommies and daddies.*

2010-04-19T21:23:00.004-05:00

*I'm not getting political. I swear. By "mommies" I mean "people who pay attention" and not "female."

My dad is awesome. He's just great. Nice, kind; a really good man. I mean this in the least creepy way possible, I hope I end up married to someone like him. The only person he loves more than the three of us is our mom, and that's awesome too.

But. He's a teensy bit oblivious sometimes.

I'm graduating from college on May 16th. Now, this is kind of a big deal. And by big deal I mean the biggest thing that's happened to me thus far in life. As though the whole academic milestone thing wouldn't be big enough because I'm a crazy person, I've never had a real graduation before. This is big. I've been talking about it for...oh...about a year.

Today it became apparent that my father had no idea when I was graduating. May? He thought? Probably? And oh, were we going to get her something?

I thought my mom was going to die. Or kill him. Or maybe one then the other.

He loves me. He loves me more than most everyone in my life. And yet May 16th? Didn't ring a bell.

I'm trying to think of someone I know who doesn't know when I'm graduating. Certainly not my friends. Hell, even kind-of friends know about it and have congratulated me. A guy who's being ordained the day before, which even I will admit is way bigger and better than getting a bachelor's in Jewish Studies, even sent me an e-mail that said, "Hey! Less than a month!"

My dad is way more into me than all those people. And still no clue. And he doesn't have to vow obedience the day before.

Oh well. I still love him.

Par-tay.

2010-04-17T19:52:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty boring. I study. A lot. I have friends, but they study a lot, too. So when we go out it's usually to a coffee shop. To study.

Yeah. It's pretty exciting. Obsess about getting at least a 98% and you too could have this glamorous lifestyle.

But this weekend, I actually had/have things to do. I know, right? For once the fact that I work next to no hours is okay because I have something to fill those hours!

(Well, except for the no money thing. Oh well.)

I'm calling it my "dual covenant" weekend because today was all Christianity, all the time. Confirmation, different Mass because of course confirmation isn't the Mass for the weekend that would be way too simple, and then dinner. During which we pretty much talked about...Mass. And Stemper's gift certificates. And how a Roman collar probably would cut down your chances of being carded. Although my money is on yeah, cut down, but not remove entirely because you still look like you have yet to hit puberty.

Of course, most of those things almost got cut because confirmation was like ten times longer than I expected it to be. It was beautiful and moving and I got to distribute Communion which was wicked cool but also kind of scary because the Cathedral? Well, it's like Mass in the Third Reich. But...really, really long. So I almost ended up having to find another Mass and cancel dinner with an text that said, "Have to reschedule. It's not my fault, your boss likes to talk."

But I didn't. So that was fun.

Tomorrow will be the epic and much-photographed field trip to the Illinois Holocaust Museum with Katie. And I'm so freaking excited. Like, really excited. So. Stay tuned for that.

Oh! Also! My beautiful Vera Bradley wallet came this morning and I love it quite possibly more than I will ever love my children. I also may have told a seminarian that while it was not named yet, it was definitely a girl or possibly a gender-confused boy.

And I swear, I wasn't drinking.

Scary.

2010-04-16T11:21:00.003-05:00

At the end of last semester, I had my normal freak-out. You know, a good week of omg I love this place soooo much I cannot live without it for five weeks what does the world even mean if I don't have to be studying some implication of the British partition of the Middle East is that chocolate?

You know. Normal.

And I was terrified. Because I knew that I only had one semester left. Which meant that the freak out at the end of this semester? Would probably kill me. And I figured it was going to start early.

So I've been kind of waiting. Like I force myself to look at the syllabi that say "Week 11" or whatever. And I force myself to think about graduation. And...not a whole lot happens. I mean, I'm not really leaving. It would be pretty stupid to get all teary over leaving Holton Hall when I'm going to have an office there next year. Yeah, I'm sad that I'm not going to be an undergraduate anymore. And I know that the whole entire Center-For-Jewish-Studies part of my life is ending. And okay, it was really bittersweet when the university sent me an email that listed all my degree requirements and they all said "satisfied" next to them.

But things were going okay.

Until I bought vitamins.

There were 100 capsules in the (Target brand- I'm not leaving school, remember? I'm poor.) container. And then I realized that by the time I had to buy vitamins again, I wouldn't be in college.

Now. I don't know if you've ever ended up having a breakdown in the pharmacy at Target. I don't really recommend it, but sometimes it's apparently necessary.

(Don't get me started on what the Ugly Betty series finale did to me. It's just embarrassing.)

Teaching 101

2010-04-14T17:30:00.002-05:00

I'm in the process of editing the final draft of my thesis. This is a little bit headachy, because it's long and there are lots of words and my goodness do I have problems using the correct tense!

But never fear! Because I have bunches of drafts full of helpful comments from my advisor.

Or...not.

Because it turns out that he just enjoys writing in the margins.

For instance,

"Not to doubt Cornwell's honestly, but I have worked in the Vatican archives and no one ever asked me why I was there." Oh. How nice for you.

"He wasn't a very good Hitler Youth member." Yeah. I know. That's why I spend the next paragraph writing about how he wasn't a very good member.

"I probably don't have to tell you this, but his was considered the seminal papacy in Judeo/Chrsitian relations." No, you don't have to. Was it the fact that I spent twelve pages writing about his papacy that convinced you? Or when I came to your lecture about him even though it was at the same time as Criminal Minds? But thanks for clarifying!

"Hitler was Catholic the way Matthew was Jewish, if we may say so." You have a PhD from the Ivy League. You may say anything you like. I, however, am not actually writing about the synoptic gospels.

"For what it's worth, I discuss this in book I recently published..." Sure. I'll rush right out and get it. From the library. I like you a lot, but that $26.95 could be spent on something from Vera Bradley. Your book on the Catholic Church in Poland is not pretty and quilted.

Obviously they don't teach you constructive criticism at Yale.

Next time I'm just going to write my phone number on the title page. If you want to chat, just text me. I have unlimited texting. Printing off 60-page drafts so you can tell me about your scholastic achievements is getting a trifle expensive.

I'm feeling chatty.

2010-04-12T20:01:00.002-05:00

I've had a glass of wine* and oh my gosh you guys, I just want to, like, blog. But about something really, like, important. Which is a trifle unfortunate because I...kind of don't have anything like that to discuss.

So can we do kind of a free association thing? Please? They're all totally appropriate and in no place to I talk about mind-but-unfortunately-nothing-else-numbing cramps or my bra size, like the last few days. Oops. Except for right there, I mean.

First, the Very Serious Historian part of me wants to comment on the plane crash that killed the president of Poland and 94 other people. Unfortunately, she wants to say "ZOMG TEH RUSHENZ R COMIN." Because while I have every sympathy for the victims of this accident, I'm sorry, your plane goes down over Smolensk and the part of me that is really sorry she missed the drama of the Cold War wants to start hoarding soup and practicing waiting out the nuclear holocaust underneath my desk.

(I KNOW relations have been normalized.)

(I'm just saying maybe they shouldn't have been.)

Second, my hair. (Keep up, people.) Yesterday I started experimenting with curlers.

(Yes. I know my hair is curly naturally. Yes, I know it makes very little sense to straighten my hair and then curl it again. I have no answer for your logic except that I look like a Muppet the way God made me. And that's unacceptable.)

I'm kind of trying to convince myself that I'm growing it out. That's about 50% true- I do want longer hair. But the other 50% is that I'm terrified to have it cut again. See, I've only ever had one stylist.

She started out totally awesome. I loved her. I went in every six to eight weeks, she gave me lovely bouncy haircuts, I was this close to inviting her for Christmas. Then...she kind of started cutting my hair really short. And...okay. I looked pretty cute with a bob. And she would always redeem herself by throwing an okay cut into the mix. Until last July. Last July she...I can hardly talk about it. Suffice to say that if you look at pictures of me from October, it's still barely to my ears.

So I haven't gone back. Because a.) I haven't needed to. It's been nine months and it just hit my shoulders last week sometime, and b.) who knows what the voices inside her head will be telling her that day?

And I really don't want to go to my graduation with a Britney Spears-esque look. And I don't even mean when she shaved her head. Pretty much any Britney look.

ANYWAY. The curls are a way to disguise the fact that there are so many split ends they're contemplating what kind of legislative assembly they'd like to set up.

Finally, my sister posted the video of Mmmbop on her wall. And I watched it. And I almost fell out of my chair.

I was all about Taylor. Huge, secret, did I mention the the huge and secret part? massive crush on him. I was going to marry him and we were going to have lots of babies and their hair would be MAGNIFICENT.

And...after watching that video? Holy Christmas on an ocean liner, that makes me a pedophile lesbian.

I mean, not really. I'm younger than him. At the time, 15-year-old Taylor was a very mysterious older man. But...he was a BABY. And looked like a GIRL BABY at that.

So. That was an exciting and disturbing trip down memory lane.

Still going to hell, probably.

2010-04-09T21:55:00.003-05:00

Yesterday my elliptical trainer met a death. I'd like to say it was untimely, but it really wasn't since it was a.) several years old, b.) about $100 originally- hardly top of the line, and c.) used by me, who has a tendency to not take care of anything other than my skin and hair.

This afternoon I was faced with the task of setting up my new one. (Thank you Amazon.com Prime free trial. No, I will not be renewing at the end of the month, but I really appreciate you sending me large packages in forty-eight hours for free!) My brother was home. Clearly he could help me.

An hour later, he had completely assembled it.

I had picked at my nails. I had emotionally scarred him by talking about how I always thought I was really well endowed but hey! turns out I was just heavy. I had played on my iPhone. And I had attempted to bench press a pitiful 45 lbs without killing myself.

Digression: I work out. I can do real, not-girl push-ups. How is it than I can't bench press the weight of a small child? I babysat for a three-year-old last summer, and I dragged that kid all over the place. And she was usually kicking and screaming about her penguin Fred. HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT?

(Okay. I never tried to lift Zoe over my head. Never really thought about it.)

(But seriously, 45 lbs? That's just sad.)

End digression.

So. Thank you, John. You are clearly more responsible and possessing of way more upper body strength than I am.

Although I am a delicate young lady, so that's not really my fault.

(I think I may have said that right after I finished my spiel about how No! You don't understand how weird it is to go through the first twenty-one years of your life thinking you have really huge...assets...and then realize that you don't! I mean, we're talking major ontological change here! And...then he kind of just stared at me like, "How is the 17-year-old boy the most mature one in the room?")

(Touche, John. Touche.)

I really don't need this.

2010-04-08T20:38:00.002-05:00

Okay. My holocaust theology class. It's...well...interesting. I like it. I really do. But...well...interesting. Usually I don't have any idea what the reading was even about by the time other students have stopped talking nonsense about trees and marriage covenants and those damn Danes and LOOK I GET IT OKAY THE POLISH GENERALLY WEREN'T SO NICE TO THE JEWS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I'M POLISH YOU CRAZY OLD LADY AND CATHOLIC TOO AND I WOULD HAVE HARBORED SOME POOR JEW SO SHUT THE FRICK UP.

*ahem*

But today? Today really topped them all.

In an effort to make us all more comfortable with each other (Because ~~the Christians~~ some of us are feeling a little bit, oh, unqualified to pass judgement on post-Holocaust theology in the face of some woman who was probably there screeching at me about the damn Polish. Oh, I'm sorry. That got personal.), we did "speed dating" today. We met with four other people for five minutes and, if we were comfortable, had frank discussions about our faith backgrounds and any disagreements we've have with either our own churches or others about faith.

My first three went really well. Nice (wicked hot) non-denominational guy, cutest little perky agnostic you ever did see, and a really quiet and less wicked hot but at least not pissy lapsed Catholic. We talked, laughed about the absurdity of arguing about religion, and generally had a good time.

Then I got to number four.

Wait. Number Four needs a preface. I walked into class today and sat down in my usual seat and began talking to my very good friend. This little blond girl on my left starts talking to me. I don't know this little blond girl. In fact, I don't really even recognize her from class. But whatever, she's friendly. Asking about my brother who shadowed me on Tuesday, telling me she's unhappy as a chem major, inadvertently calling me old and you know what, cookie pie? 22 is not that old.

Anyway. It was a little weird. But maybe she has some social issues and who am I to judge? Whatever, class is starting.

Except wait! Guess who Number Four is?

So we go through the whole introductory thingy. We're both Catholic. This is going to be pretty easy.

Then we get to the disagreements part. She asks me if I have any. I reply,

"No, not really. I mean, there are things that I wouldn't be upset if they changed. Like ordaining women. I don't really have a problem with that except that it weirds me out. But I also don't have a problem that they don't now."

I've barely finished my sentence and she jumps in,

"Have you ever read the Bible?"

"Um. Yes. Actually."

"Because I just read somewhere that it says in the Bible that women can't teach men. And once I read that, well, it's in the Bible!"

"Um...okay. Yeah. But...um. That's not really the justification, it's the Apostles...you know what? Do you have any disagreements?"

"Well, I think some of the things aren't really scripturally based. I mean, like Communion. I don't know how you feel about it."

"Communion? I don't really know what you're asking."

I'm thinking, okay, she's clearly pretty conservative. She's got to be way pre-Vatican II and against receiving under both species or something. No. It's weirder. She gives this huge sigh and says,

"It was supposed to be symbolic. I mean, Jesus said 'Do this in remembrance." But some people actually believe that that's his body and blood. It's such a misinterpretation. Do you?"

Is 12:45 too early to start drinking? Because you're willing to take St. Paul literally but not the gospels? Seriously?

"Um...the Catholic Church actually teaches that it's not a misinterpretation at all. And that it actually is. And that before he said that he said, 'this is my body; this is my blood.' So...um...yes. I do."

"Oh. *huge compassionate sigh directed at me* Well, it's such a touchy subject."

No it's not. Look, kid, I don't care what you believe. We just have to get through two and a half more minutes of this and then I can go back to safely staring at the back of Paul Joseph's head while he spews some nonsense.

"I guess."

Can't get much worse, right? WRONG. She literally leans across her desk so her face is really, really close to mine and says,

"Do you know if you're saved?"

What's that?

"Um..."

"Do you know if you're saved?"

"I don't...I believe that I can't really know. I do know that I try to lead a good life..."

"Because you know that Jesus died for your sins and all you have to do is believe that and you will be saved."

There is so not enough upper level credit in the world.

"Well...see...um...I mean, I do believe that...but I also believe, and so does the Catholic Church, by the way, that you need to be a good person and accept grace and..."

The crazy person cuts me off again, this time rather accusingly,

"Do you believe in confessing?"

Now she's pissing me off.

"I believe in the sacrament of reconciliation, if that's what you're asking."

No, I don't go often. But that's just because I refuse to confess to anyone who has access to my Facebook page.

"Do you honestly believe that God is going to send you to hell if you die without confessing?"

Oh, my Lord. Look, sweetie. I am in between tests. I have a twenty-page paper to write and a thesis to finish and I feel like someone is attacking my abdomen with a flaming melon baller and I am so not in the mood to engage in apologetics with SOMEONE THAT IS THE SAME RELIGION AS ME.

"I don't think God plays games like that. But if you're asking if I agree with the validity of the sacrament of reconciliation, then yes, I do."

"Oh. *her fourth sigh in as many minutes* It's a touchy subject."

It was. So. Weird.

I was homeschooled, okay? I went to a Lutheran college. I've had people try to convert me before. But no one has ever tried to save me from believing the central tenets of the faith that we both profess before.

I kind of don't want to go back on Tuesday.

Existentialism in the Post-Facebook Era

2010-04-05T20:21:00.003-05:00

Note: Is that not a perfect dissertation title? Too bad I'm not a philosophy major.

My Facebook account is down for maintenance. And I'm not sure if I even exist anymore. The feeling I'm having right now is kind of akin to withdrawal. I mean, I'm not really sure. I was an addict at three days old, but since then I've pretty much stayed clean.* But I think it is. I mean, my skin is starting to itch. What if I have a pending friend request? They might think I don't like them. What if I need to like something for heaven's sake??? *dry heaves*

This did, however, allow me to finish the work I've been trying to finish all freaking day and...kind of...haven't.

So. You can't get my comments on my mom's Easter pictures. But if you want to talk about the implications of John Paul II's 2000 visit to the Holy Land for interfaith dialogue, I'm your girl.

Please, don't be jealous. Become a Jewish Studies major and your life can be this interesting too!!!

(They should put me on the brochure.)

(*looks down at crucifix*)

(Maybe not.)

*NyQuil? I don't have a problem with NyQuil. I can stop whenever I like. I don't know what you're talking about, man.

Shiksa

2010-04-02T20:58:00.003-05:00

Ever wonder what's going through a Jewish Studies major's mind during the proclamation of John's Passion?

A lot of "Oh, thank God for Nostra Aetate."

Now. I thank God for Nostra Aetate all the time because I'm totally into it. Like, I can quote it. It's awesome.

But certain days like Good Friday? I'm really glad I'm a baby of the eighties.

Can you not wait one hour with me?

2010-04-02T00:11:00.002-05:00

I apologize for this blog becoming Catholicism Central. I'm not a crazy church lady, I swear. It's just between the thesis and Holy Week...well, check back after Pentecost if you want a post about how Johnny Depp would be the perfect father of my children or something shallow like that.

I'm not a spiritual person. I don't really have any major devotions, I don't believe in most apparitions, I couldn't meditate if you paid me.

However, I'm very religious. That doesn't mean that I obsessively compulsively go through ritual without believing anything about or caring why I do it. I'm too pragmatic to be spiritual, but it is precisely through ritual (and study, which explains...oh...my entire college career) that I feel closest to God.

Except when it comes to Eucharistic adoration. Something happens.

It's Holy Thursday, and my parish has adoration all night. I drove down after everyone went to bed, planning on staying for a few minutes because 11:00? Are you kidding me? I've been asleep for like hours by now.

But then I got there, and...it's so peaceful. When Grandpa died I would go all the time, because it was the only thing that could calm me down. I decided to stay an hour- because again, the study thing? I know my gospels.

And can I just say that if you've never spent an hour just being alone with the Eucharist in the middle of the night, you're seriously missing out.

And that's coming from someone who is definitely not spiritual.

Oh, hey, it's Good Friday now. Try not to start any pogroms, people.

What fresh hell?

2010-03-30T22:28:00.002-05:00

I usually don't like movies with subtitles. It's not that I'm an ignorant American who doesn't like foreign films- I do. (Life is Beautiful makes me cry every. single. time.) It's not that I don't like to read- I do. But trying to read and watch a screen at the same time makes me dizzy and gives me a headache.

Of movies with subtitles, I really don't like silent movies. I hate silent movies. I took a film history class once and didn't watch a movie for pleasure for months afterwards because they made us watch all sorts of silent movies and "worthwhile" movies and crappy Soviet Union lesbian incest love story movies (No, I'm so vehemently not kidding.) and IT WAS THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE.

(Well. Kind of. That was the semester of Stalker Boy. BUT IT WAS UP THERE.)

(Because did you ~~hear~~ read that? They were sisters. They were all sleeping together. In the Polish People's Republic in 1974.)

(Again. NOT. FREAKING. KIDDING.)

At least movies with subtitles are (usually) in a different language and the accents make me laugh. But silent movies you have nothing to stare at but the weirdly drawn-on lips that apparently were wicked sexy circa 1921.

But worse than all of those (Yes, including the hairy Polish lesbians. At least they were funny.) is a silent movie with subtitles in a different language.

German.

Also known as the ugliest language written or spoken IN THE WORLD.

(My apologies to Katie.)

So. Imagine just how awesome my Jewish European class was this afternoon. We were read a silent movie. Yep. For seventy-five minutes. And sometimes the professor couldn't read fast enough, so I'm pretty sure she just made stuff up. Because I don't think there's a line about, "And now...we're all...wait...going to party," in the 1924 antisemitism satire City Without Jews.

I'm just guessing.

Seven more weeks.

Falalalalalalalalala.

2010-03-29T17:35:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning I received a text from Katie that read, "Tis the season for pogroms...oh, and we sang "Were You There?" and now it's stuck in my head." I laughed so hard I almost choked on my oatmeal.

Because those are the two things that were (are) pretty much running through my mind. Although this time I really tried to understand how anyone could listen to the Passion and want to go out and kill somebody. And I failed. Although, we only got Luke yesterday. I'll have to let you know if I'm whipped into a homicidal frenzy that I've ignored for the past twenty-one years after listening to John on Friday.

Also, Were You There? has to be my least favorite song (after Lead Me, Guide Me and anything that involves clapping) EVER and it's played CONSTANTLY this week. *sigh*

Anyway. It's Passover and Holy Week, blog kitties! And that means my little comparative religion major self hardly knows which way to turn and she's just very excited, okay? I took her to Mass and Eucharistic adoration today because I feel compelled to remind her exactly which covenant she ascribes to, but she also really wants matzoh. So.

I'm very fascinated by Passover. I kind of feel disrespectful because I'm so fascinated, but I swear, I'm not being disrespectful. Just very, very interested.

My head. It's very interesting sometimes.

Weekend Wrap-Up

2010-03-28T21:23:00.002-05:00

Um...

Okay...

Surely there was something...

...I washed my hair? A few times? That's exciting.

I did finish my thesis, which is massively orgasmically exciting if you're...well, me. And not so much if you're...well, anyone else.

(Note to Mom: Sorry I said "orgasmically." I'm pretty sure it's not a word, but I'm guessing it will upset you.)

Stephanie went to Mass this morning. She had a good time and made a deacon laugh really hard.

Oh! Hey! So, you know what's really stressful? When you're reading the Passion, only the most important part of gospels, and you're kind of new at this whole thing anyway and your microphone is dead. So...that happened. Yeah.

Okay. Well. That was pretty informative, right? I don't know no one except my mom reads this.

Issue in historical method and pedagogy.*

2010-03-25T10:22:00.001-05:00

So. Internets. I'm almost finished with my thesis. Well, a rough draft. Almost. Tomorrow. Probably. I just have to tie up some loose ends and throw a paragraph about Rembert Weakland in there and we're good to go.

Except I've run into a few problems.

My major problem is that I'm at the final chapter where I'm talking about John Paul II and his apostolic visit to Poland in 1979. My thesis advisor? The guy who is going to be reading and grading this? Was there. Literally. In Poland, at his Mass, the whole shebang.

So how the hell do I write about that? Like I have anything to offer? I'm sure he was sitting at that Mass thinking, "Hmm. I'll bet in eight years a girl is going to be born who can shed some light on this experience for me."

I mean, I know that if I ever get handed a paper by some young whippersnapper who has the gall to write an analysis of something that I was a sentient adult for? I will be unable to refrain myself from scrawling "Let me tell you something about life, kid..." across the cover page.

(Warning for my future students: 9/11 is off the list of possible topics. As are any and all Presidential elections post-2000. Because I made phone calls for W in 2004. And I wore a McCain/Palin button around campus for three months. THAT'S POLITICAL INVOLVEMENT, CHILD.)

So. That's kind of difficult.

My other problem is that I'm using a Google translation of John Paul II's address at the synagogue in Rome.

Yes, I know that's not exactly a perfect source. But it was only available in Italian and my grasp of Italian is...well, I know the Starbuck's cup sizes. But I can't exactly quote it, because while it's a good enough translation that I can understand what it's saying, most of the verbs are in entirely the wrong place. Which makes quoting kind of difficult.

Oh, whatever. This guy quotes Wikipedia. I think I can forgo footnotes for a few paragraphs.

*I'm not going to lie, a huge part of the reason I'm going to grad school is so that I can use the word "pedagogy" in everyday conversation.

I was a journalism major.

2010-03-24T10:36:00.002-05:00

I was! Honest! For, like, a whole two months.

(Incidentally, this was after psychology and before kinesiology.)

(I'm kidding. I've never been a kinesiology major.)

(Yet.)

(I still have two months left.)

But I totally was. I pictured myself as a much prettier Woodward or Bernstein, having all sorts of secret sources and of course several Pulitzers...and then I realized that I really didn't enjoy writing for newspapers and did not want to do it for the rest of my life in fact I didn't know of anything I liked enough to do for the rest of my life except read a lot about things no one cares about and then shoot off my mouth about those things...and that's how we ended up a history and Jewish Studies major!

(My college career. In a- poorly formed- sentence.)

Whoa, whoa, whoa there missy. What's your point? you ask.

Oh. Right. I should have one of those. My point is that I could have continued in the journalism major if I could have just been responsible for writing articles like those that fill today's Journal-Sentinal.

Honestly. It's like the Center for Jewish Studies threw up on the newspaper.

First of all, we have a rather large tribute to Joseph Zilber, who was an integral (okay, one sentence. But I ran out of time.) part of my final essay for Jewish Wisconsin last semseter. Bonus points for mentioning both his Russian Jewish roots and B'ne Jeshurun Emanu El, which I would totally join if I weren't so hung up on this whole Eucharist thing.

But that's not all! There's also a huge part of Cue (Or Food...or whatever it is they call the not-news section on Wednesdays now that the paper basically consists of a few articles about health care and a Kohl's ad.) devoted to Passover. After going to Target yesterday and seeing the Passover plates and cake servers*, I kind of want to have a Very Catholic Passover Seder with Katie on Tuesday. Also, I didn't realize that Ashkenazi and Sephardic traditions differed when it came to food. See? That is something that you should be mentioning in class. I could do without the partitions of Poland for the eighth time.

Oh, and then there were a couple of articles about Israeli settlements. Which I love because I am now a Middle Eastern News Whore.**

(Yes. It is a very interesting place inside my head.)

*My mom bought a Beleek cake plate that she's planning on using for my graduation. It's very pretty and very Irish and has lots of handpainted shamrocks on it. I'm planning on filling it with cookies made with my awesome Star of David cookie cutter.

My mom, incidentally, is still really mad about not being able to visit the Beleek factory when she was in Ireland. She refuses to believe that it was not smart for two women to wander around Northern Ireland in May of 1981. I maintain that if Longkesh prison had had a gift shop, she would have been there.

**Not like Lara Logan.

Totally productive.

2010-03-22T22:05:00.002-05:00

So...day one of spring break. I have major plans for this spring break. I'm going to read a lot of fun books, completely finish my thesis, and sleep longer than four hours at a stretch. Um...most of that will have to be accomplished in the next four days. That sleep thing is totally taken care of, though.

Post-conciliar Judeo-Christian relations and why the hell do I care I'm a baby of the eighties? Not so much.

I read a little, though. That was exciting.

No, today I mostly wasted time. I made a Facebook album from yesterday...I wandered around Target talking myself into and out of buying various items of clothing...laughed a little at the blatant vanity sizing because I'm sorry, no way in hell am I a size 2 but thank you, Merona, for telling me that I am...I reorganized my closet...and I watched some Brothers and Sisters. That's pretty much it.

Oh, and I bought a bag from Vera Bradley. And then proceeded to sit at the end of the driveway like a four-year-old because I really really want it to come when is it going to come mommy I want it noooooow.

*ahem*

All in all, a good day.

I will finish that thesis, though. Tomorrow.

This is why you should be friends with your mother.

2010-03-17T17:49:00.003-05:00

Scene: Farwell Ave, 10:30 AM.

Mom: Oh, a "free beer" sign. That's lovely.

Group of Pedestrians: *stumbles out of a bar*

Big Truck: *has a green arrow and begins to turn perfectly legally*

Group of Pedestrians: *stumbles in front of bus before stopping and laughing*

Mom: This is so amateur day.

Watch as I wipe out half of my friends list.

2010-03-16T20:59:00.002-05:00

Oh, internets. Do you remember this? And this? Yeah.

And remember that time when I SCREAMED ALL OVER THE INTERNET HOW MUCH I FREAKING HATE CARDINAL STRITCH UNIVERSITY BECAUSE THE HELL MAN? YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL?

(Oh right. That just happened.)

Anyway. I opened my e-mail this morning and discovered a message from the same woman with whom I have a very complicated relationship, detailed above. And here's what it said:

Hello Kathleen,

Just a gentle reminder. Please have UWM
submit your official bachelor’s degree-bearing transcript as soon as it is
available (which should be sometime in May). This document is to be
submitted to:

CARDINAL STRITCH'S ADDRESS YOU KNOW WHAT I'M NOT EVEN BEING COY
ANYMORE.

I hope all is going well with you Kathleen.

Oh. Goodness. So many thoughts.

Such as:

Are you kidding me?
"Gentle reminder"?
Am I a five-year-old?
Really? I'll have a bachelor's degree sometime in May? Thanks for clearing that up. I was a little bit confused.
Honestly. You guys suck so much.
You hope all is going well with me? Really? You do? You know what would have made things go better for me, Pat? BEING ACCEPTED TO MY SAFETY SCHOOL THAT'S WHAT.
*deep breath*
It's okay. I was accepted at a better school with a better package so you know what? You can keep your ridiculous application standards.
Seriously. I am not the first college senior to apply to graduate school.
I'm sure I have more to say, but I'm so mad I can't even think of them.
I'm going to go eat a shamrock cookie.

That was my thought process.

(The cookie was good, fyi.)

Dear Northwestern,

2010-03-14T17:12:00.002-05:00

Hi. You may remember me from the return address on the obscenely large application fee I sent you when I applied to graduate school.

Yeah. Ring a bell? I thought so. Anyway, here's the thing. You are sending me e-mails. Lots and lots of emails. And I think that's kind of COMPLETELY OBNOXIOUS given than you DENIED ME ADMISSION.

Now. I've come to terms with it. You were the only school that denied me, and you know what? I'm very happy with my choice and they offered me job and whatever, my mom thinks I'm pretty.

*deep breath*

But it's very, very hard to be zen about this when I'm getting FREAKING CONSTANT EMAILS FROM YOU.

So please cease and desist before I end up curled in the corner in a fetal position hugging a UWM sweatshirt and mumbling about how no one will ever hire me as academic faculty because when you're a professor the only thing that can make up for having ovaries? Is a degree from somewhere like Northwestern.

That's all.

Love,
Kathleen

Authority Figure

2010-03-13T21:25:00.002-06:00

A lot of my wardrobe comes from the junior's department. I'm not really ashamed of it, because I don't buy stuff that looks cheap, or has any sort of saying across the chest and/or derriere, and as far as I know I have never bought anything that Avril Lavigne "designed".

But...still. I'm 22. It's kind of embarrassing. This afternoon, I was trying to figure out what to wear tomorrow.* I have to lead my confirmation group tomorrow during the Masses. I chose an ensemble** and then I realized...it was all from Kohl's junior department.

And people are trusting me with their children's spiritual growth.

So. That's kind of funny. I don't know if I can talk about the Holy Spirit while wearing a jacket that Hilary Duff championed. I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

I think you really want to know.

2010-03-12T21:22:00.002-06:00

I was going to do a list post about things I did today (which would end up being mostly Facebook-related) and things I didn't do today (which would be end up being mostly thesis-related), but then I realized I didn't have anything to even facetiously puti n the "did" category. Like, I censored some stuff on my Facebook page. And I "bartended" at a fish fry that ended up being more talking-and-eating-pretzels than actual bartending. Whatever, it was fun.

Although Annie said something about it being kind of sad that she considered hanging around church on a Friday night fun, and I realized that I was way more sad than her because it wasn't even really my parish. Hey. It's not my fault there's no one under 80 at St. Eugene.

The "not" list would definitely be thesis-related though. But that's not even funny anymore. I need to write that last chapter, like, pronto now that all the warm fuzzy National-History-Day related feelings that my advisor had about me are probably fading.

Oh, I got a National History Day t-shirt in the mail the other day, I think because the coordinator felt badly for me because I had (have) to deal with some rather crazy judges. And contestants. And both of them together. And the shirt? Is rather adorable. It engenders warm fuzzy feelings in me.

Maybe I'll wear it to my next advising appointment. See? Remember when you loved me? Think about that and not the fact that I raced through John Paul II's influence on Judeo-Christian relations because I really, really want to graduate already.

25

2010-03-10T21:03:00.003-06:00

Today my mom met my favorite professor in the world. And I'm pretty sure a star exploded somewhere because I'm sure that that violated some sort of law of physics.

(I don't know which one. Jewish Studies major, remember?)

ANYWAY. I'm also pretty sure that he is now her favorite person in the world. Because my mother enjoys two qualities that my mother enjoys above all else in other people. (Not kindness. That's probably a- distant-third.) They are a.) an ability to consider her babies the most amazing people in the world and b.) Irishness.

So when that leprechaun drooled over me? She was, like, this close to jumping him.

Locked down.

2010-03-09T11:54:00.002-06:00

My Facebook profile has always been pretty open. I keep my e-mail and that stuff set to only friends, and my notes. Because I say a lot of things that...well, you should probably be my friend in order to read them. Because otherwise you could really get the wrong idea.

But other than that- open. I've never had a stalker, and other than some random guy from Turkey who keeps friending me (Um. Ignore.), I haven't had any problems. There's really nothing so special about my life that I feel the need to block my wall or anything. I mean, it's mostly my mom. And I don't care that you see that. I also have a built-in security measure in my last name- no one can find me because they can't spell my name.

But now. Now you may notice (although you wouldn't, because you're already my friend if you're reading this, but bear with me) that things are different. I am locked down. Seriously. Other than my birthday and a thumbnail of my profile picture, if we don't share mitochondrial DNA, you have no information on me.

Why, you ask? Do you have something very important and exciting going on?

Ha. Hahaha. No.

I did, however, receive an email from my Holocaust Theology professor announcing that there was now a Facebook page. For our class. That we could all join.

Oh. Joy.

Well. I do not want everyone in that class to know all of my business, even if it is just that my mom is proud of me for getting a TA position.

I also don't want the professor to know that I think she'd be a lot prettier if she combed her hair.

I can see this whole damn experiment going poorly.

What my papal bull would look like:

2010-03-08T14:51:00.001-06:00

Dear Martin Luther,

Dude. Chill out.

Love, Leo X.

Martin Luther and I have a complicated relationship.

Not enough that I went to a Lutheran school for three years where they painted over the Blessed Mother in the chapel and called me a papist and that one really angry seminarian told me that he would never deign to pray with a Catholic. (What? I promise not to get my incense on you.)

Nope. Not enough. Now I'm writing an essay on him. I was going to do just a general 95 Theses thing, but meh, boring. So! I'm writing about Exsurge Domine (the bull that ended up excommunicating him) instead and contrasting it with the points in the 95 Theses. I know, right? Brilliant. I fully expect a fantastic grade. And not just because I usually get papers for that class back with drool on them.

But first I have to write the damn thing. I don't want to. So I'm thinking of offering it up for the souls in purgatory just to piss off Martin Luther. Who died four hundred and fifty years ago.

Vengeance is mine.

Oh, also. Did you guys know he was a freak? Like, "in the biblical sense"? Well, okay, not exactly weird per se, just...really...wow, inside thought Martin.

Okay, I've embarrassed my Dad for tonight. I'm going to bed.

Hey! Your wife think I'm a godsend.

2010-03-07T17:06:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning I staggering into the Union at 6:55 after dragging my suitcase three blocks. Yes. I looked like a hobo. A very well dressed hobo who stops at Starbucks because like hell I'm dealing with 370 students and their parents without a skinny caramel macchiato, but a hobo nonetheless.

My boss arrived shortly afterwards, and she brought her husband! Who was going to help me put up the exhibit and room signs! Great! Except...kind of not. Because he was one of those weird old men who think it's okay to insult you constantly as long as there's a twinkle in their eye?

Because honestly, sir. I know I'm not spatially-oriented. I'm a history and Jewish studies major for a reason. And I really don't need your snarkiness because my suggestion for the table arrangement would have worked just as well.

Also, it's really not okay to a.) ask me why I didn't bring my boyfriend to help, b.) inquire as to why when I replied that I was single just now, thanks very much are you sure the Gasthaus isn't open yet? and c.) tell me the reason I'm single is that I walk too fast. Honestly. It's 7:30 and I have a million more things to do and OF COURSE I'M WALKING QUICKLY I'M TRYING TO GET AWAY FROM YOU.

*sigh*

Whatever. I got thanked in the program, my thesis advisor pronounced my name the cool Polish way when he was introducing me (although I'd expect nothing less from a guy whose wife has a random "w" pronounced as a "v" in the middle of her name), and I got a ton of gossip about the department. Oh, and Hot Office Mat was there too.

It was a lovely day.

Not prayerful.

2010-03-05T21:12:00.003-06:00

Long story, but tonight my mom suggested keeping a journal as a form of prayer. I responded that I kept a journal. It just isn't very prayerful.

I think that in order for this blog to become a form of prayer I'd probably have to cut down on the part where I'm really sad I don't have a reason to hang out around Adorable Professor's office after tomorrow...and the part(s) where I say I'd turn to prostitution to pay for graduate school...and cut down on the swearing...and...you know what? I'll just pray on my own, okay?

Okay.

Scenes

2010-03-04T16:20:00.003-06:00

So. It's all over. I've heard from every school I've applied to,* and I know what I'm doing. And frankly I'm surprised that I have any Facebook friends left after my months of incoherent ranting. But I have some previously unpublished stories.

Two weeks ago, on Monday morning, I found out that I didn't get into Northwestern. I am not just saying this so you don't pity me- I did not expect to get into Northwestern. It was a PhD program, required full funding, they only take about 15 people a year, and they're obviously pulling from a prestigious pool.

However. This was, at the time, the only decision of which I'd been notified. So even though it was my long shot, I was rather upset. It was, to put it nicely, a not very nice morning for me. I didn't tell anybody for a few hours, and then I told my mom.

She did the following (in order):

offered to drive to Evanston and attack them
told me they were ridiculous for not accepting me because I would have been an asset to their program
told me they were ridiculous for not accepting me because I am so pretty that they could have put me on the brochure
told me that she fully anticipated my publishing a definitive book on some subject
she wasn't sure which one, but dammit, it would be published!
bought me a dress

It was a very appropriate response and I loved her for it.

A few hours later, on Monday afternoon, I received an email saying that I had been admitted to UWM. Incidentally, my mom cried and screamed and laughed with me but stuck by her earlier assertions that Northwestern would have been blessed to have me. And I loved her for it.

Tuesday, I was walking from class and was idly checking my email on my phone. And there was an email from the History Department. And the subject line said, "Funding for your MA."

I clicked on it, because I figured it was some dumb thing about applying for a grant that I wouldn't get because I'm a little white girl from the North Shore. But it wasn't. It began by saying, "We're pleased to offer you a 50% TA position in the Fall of 2010."

Um. I don't know if you've ever received life-changing news via iPhone, but it's massively unsettling. Because the screen is really tiny and small and FREAKING TINY and I don't know what that whole 50% thing means but holy shit I DO know what TA means and oh, my God, I have to call my mommy!

So I did. And then I figured out that the 50% thing is the best I could get (yes) and it's full tuition (oh my God, yes!) and I can, like, buy a car and stuff like a real. live. adult. And then we cried together over the phone because of the whole real live adult thing and I was supposed to be severely developmentally disabled and I'm not and I can move into Grandpa's at least conceivably and OH I CAN QUIT MY JOB AND NOT WORK WEEKENDS ANYMORE.**

Internets. Do you know what this means? I can have Saturdays. And Sundays. Off. Like an adult. *is dead with the happiness*

I did, however, still have to wait to hear from Marquette. I was really torn, because I figured that they wouldn't give me a better deal (they'd have to offer me full tuition and a larger living stipend, which was unlikely), but I felt like I'd invested too much energy in praying to get into Marquette to just turn them down before I even knew if I got accepted.

So, I was kind of exhausted and drained and I really didn't want to go to class, but I figured the day I was offered an academic position was a really bad day to start skipping classes. So I went. About ten minutes in, I got a text from my mom- "Are you in class? If you are, call when you get out. "

I texted back that I was, but she could text me whatever she needed. I didn't get a text, and I figured it was because my mother really hates texting and constantly whines about the teeny numbers like she was 84 and she's really not, look, I know that we have babies ridiculously late in our family, but she's a perfectly normal age to figure out cell phones.

An hour later I called her from ~~my boss'~~ my office. She kind of paused and said, "A situation has arisen that we never talked about."

I thought someone had died.

She continued, "There's an envelope from Marquette here."

Oh. Good. Lord. Seriously? After THREE AND A HALF MONTHS you have to come today? When I won't be home until ten?

"Is it a big envelope or a little envelope?" I asked.

"Little." She sounded really apologetic. Okay. Okay. I couldn't not find out. I still had a bunch of things to do that day, and I wasn't going to be home for hours. I couldn't wait until ten o'clock at night knowing that my last school, the school I really wanted to go to, had made a decision that was sitting on my counter and I was just going to ignore it. And despite the fact that we hadn't talked about it, I had thought about this. I just...hadn't figured out what I wanted her to do.

"Open it. The whole TA thing was so amazing this morning, I think I'll be able to handle it." I really didn't think that. I didn't know how much it would suck to hear bad news like that over the phone.

"Okay...OH MY GOD IT SAYS CONGRATULATIONS!!!"

I'm pretty sure I blacked out for a second there.

So we screamed and cried and laughed a little bit more, but this time it was kind of bittersweet because ugh, I had a decision to make and I really, really hate decisions. Which is why I hadn't been able to figure out if I wanted to know that a decision came when I wasn't at home.

I hung up and vowed to think about it. The finances were significantly better from UWM, but Marquette was...Marquette. I turned them down for undergrad because there was no way to make it work. And as much as I love UWM and as happy as I am here, I've always kind of regretted that a little bit.

Then my nose started to bleed.

That has nothing to do with anything except to illustrate how poorly my body handles stress. NOSE BLEED. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.

I went to Mass, because I felt like that day above all others I needed to thank God for everything He had done for me. Because for all the the screamy cryiness on the phone with my mom, this was remarkable. I wasn't supposed to be able to do this. And the fact that I did? Was a miracle.

Anyway, after the nose bleed it gets pretty boring. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was going to turn down Marquette- again. That was really hard. But my mom (are you sensing a theme? It's a damn good thing you lived, woman, or I wouldn't have made it through high school yet!) and I talked about it (in an eerily similar tableau as we talked about my decisions about Grafton High and Concordia seven and eight years ago), and yes, this is the best thing for.

SO. I'm going to UWM. I'm going to be a TA. And I may even get some Facebook stalkers. That's pretty exciting.

*Except Cardinal Stritch. And they're dumb and I hate them. *sticks out tongue*

**I counted. 18 more weekends. YES.

News You Can Use

2010-03-02T11:30:00.002-06:00

Copying and collating 350 copies of a six-page program? Takes a really long time. So...if you wanted coffee, you should definitely get it first. Because otherwise you will be forced to hit cancel at 10:10 even though you've been there since 8:45 and done all your homework and caught up on Twitter and downloaded a bunch of useless apps because you seriously need that latte and what? There's milk in it so it's totally healthy. And then you'll feel like a bad employee and have to try to figure out when to come back and do the final sixty copies. Thankfully, the number I had was enough.

Ooh. I ran into (quite literally, I couldn't really see over the stack of 20,000 pages I was holding) my thesis advisor in the hallway. And we had an actual conversation. That did not involve him looking past my head or at the ground or anything. Complete sentences, y'all. I'm almost sad I have to leave.

Big Daddy also came into the office but he didn't see me and I would have had to go flying out of the copy room screaming, "Joe! Hey! Remember me!? You accepted me into grad school! Yeah. Thanks for that! Have you heard anything about the TA positions yet???"

And that would have just been weird.

Okay. So that's the story of my morning. Very exciting.

Not so exciting- I'm watching The Longest Hatred in class for the third time. We're about to get to the Nostra Aetate shout-out.

This is clearly my favorite part. Obviously.

Underachiever

2010-03-01T21:28:00.004-06:00

So. Thanks to the good people who gave the history department a grant to hire me, this semester I'm in charge of all the menial work connected to National History Day. Like...I get to make room signs. A lot of room signs. But I get to write down "Research Assistant" on my grad school applications. Not "Girl Who Prints Off Room Signs." Which is slightly less impressive.

ANYWAY. It's a secondary school competition, which I kind of figured was going to end up being mostly high school. Because, um, academic competition. Like, these kids have to write major papers or make documentaries or something. And then talk about them.

But it turns out that most of the students are in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Like, seventh and eighth grade. Like, babies.

Honestly. There's a girl from a middle school who created an exhibit on MRI innovations.

MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Her mom probably still makes her dinner.

So I feel like a complete loser because I'm 22 and ten weeks away from a degree and my main contribution to this project is unevenly cut room signs (fine motor skills- I do not possess them) and oh, I've spent the last three weeks following this one professor around because hello, perfectly good 3.9 GPA womb RIGHT HERE and we could have adorable babies who probably wouldn't have any friends but they would be SMART DAMMIT and yeah, I'm going to stop talking right now.

(What? He smiles at me. It's cute.)

(Okay. I'll be normal now.)

Anyway. I'm very familiar with this feeling. I'm not an idiot. I've always done quite well in school, I went to college for high school, I've always had friends, I've never killed anyone, blah blah blah.

But. I was homeschooled.

And if you ever want to feel badly about yourself? Hang out with other homeschoolers. Because they are, without a doubt, the most obsessively brilliant overachieving people you will ever meet and while yes, a good 45% of them are just plain crazy, there are some genuinely nauseatingly perfect people who homeschool.

And of course we were friends with all of them.

(They would be able to ell you that that last sentence should have been about three sentences if someone who was worthy wrote it.)

(Or they could tell you that the Jesus is coming back and the only way to get on the comet to heaven is to become Wife #85 of Prophet John over there.)

(Like I said, it goes both ways.)

So. I guess I am qualified for this job. Because I have, in fact, been in a conversation with someone who told me that her two-grades-advanced daughter was writing a book in her spare time and doing stained glass work to relax. While all I really wanted to do was go home and watch Star Trek because maybe by the 23rd century the brilliant people would have stopped mating and died out and my measly advanced science course would look halfway impressive.

Sporty

2010-02-28T16:16:00.006-06:00

The homily spoke to me this morning. Not that I necessarily got more out of it than usual (or that I didn't! It was very good! Sorry. That came out totally wrong.), but it made me smile.

First, covenant.

Um. Hello. Jewish Studies major. I am all about the covenant. I freaking love the covenant. (I like mine more. Because I get eternal life and the Eucharist. But the original- still pretty good.) In fact, I could even carry it through to the twentieth century and tell you about a bunch of rabbis who think that because of the Holocaust there could never have been a covenant in the first place...but I won't. Because it's depressing and I happen to vehemently disagree.

(Of course, I'd love to tell you why I vehemently disagree too...but that's kind of heavy for a Sunday afternoon and it basically ends with the above- my new and everlasting covenant is better.)

Second, there was quite a lot of sports talk.

Stop laughing.

I'm not a huge sports fan. You know this. I really don't care that you can hit/kick/throw/I'm sure there's something else you could do to a ball. I really don't care that you get paid more than many small nations to do so. I go to baseball games to people watch and drink.

But...the Olympics have been on. And I love the Olympics. I love tearful sports triumph stories and feeling very nationalistic and Bob Costas and all that! I love that!

Which is why I think that, had I been born yet, I would have been glued to the television during the 1980 US/USSR hockey game. Because I love to cry. And I love to beat the Russians.

I'm sorry. Sometimes the Polish in me cannot be quelled.

I actually watched a movie about it, once. I know. Shocking. Well, until you realize that it was the 2004 film "Miracle" and costarred Eddie Cahill and I was sixteen and very into CSI:NY at the time.

But I still watched it. And I'm not going to lie, I got a little bit teary at the end.

So. I'm mad that Canada won this afternoon. But at least it was better than the Russians.

It's really too bad I was -7 years old in 1980.

I apologize...

2010-02-26T21:45:00.002-06:00

...for the lack of post yesterday. I know, you were disappointed. But see, there was figure skating on until really late at night. And there are four things that I'll stay up past eleven for- sequins, power ballads, tearful sports triumph stories, and Johnny Depp.

Thankfully, the ladies figure skating final provided three of the four. Not bad. I'm not going to lie, I was hoping that the little American twit would fall on her face. She wouldn't have to really hurt herself...just screw up enough that Dead Mom Girl could get a medal. And she did! (Screw up. Not fall. Whatever.)

Yeah. So there was that. And then I fell asleep. Which was hardly worth a post anyway.

Oh! I know! I wanted to talk about National History Day! And some observations I've made!

(I don't know why I'm still using exclamation points!)

This weekend is kind of crazy hectic because for some reason the deadline for applying is roughly six minutes before the start of the competition so I have to finalize the program and make 400 copies and then HAND STAPLE on the covers because they haven't figured out how to make the machine do that yet and make room signs and judge badges and oh, yeah, can you inscribe these 368 certificates of achievement by tomorrow morning while you have your actual job and a paper to write?

I mean, I don't mind. Because they're paying me more than I would make being a prostitute.

(I think. I don't really have a whole lot of experience.)

But as I was using a glue stick like a six-year-old to make exhibit signs this afternoon, it occurred to me. They've only had the grant for an assistant (me) for two years. Which means until two years ago, my boss was doing all this menial stuff by herself. I'm sure she really felt the Ph.D. was worth it when her hand was cramped from writing out a certificate for the eighteenth Mikayla of the day (SERIOUSLY. There were a LOT of kids named Mikayla/Michaela/Mikala, etc. in the early '90s.)

She probably felt similar to the guy who has to share her office with four other people. (Colleen: I'm sure he feels really good about himself. Sitting at a desk next to the 22-year-old who doesn't even have a bachelor's degree yet.)

Yeah. I'm kind of overwhelmed and I'm paranoid that I'm going to forget something major like the exhibit tents or I'll wake up on Saturday and I'll have forgotten something for all 368 contestants.

What? I'm paranoid.

(But being paid for it.)

However, my alternative for this weekend was the confirmation retreat. So while I am kind of going crazy and I can't move my right hand because DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO WRITE (NICELY, NOT ALL SCRAWLY) 368 FREAKING NAMES A LONG TIME THAT'S HOW LONG, I'm pretty sure I'll be getting significantly more sleep.

I used to be a psych major.

2010-02-24T18:18:00.003-06:00

In Psychology 101, you learn that the brain can really only store seven pieces of information in your short-term memory at at a time. I'm choosing to believe this is why I cannot remember what Origen, Hippolytus, Gregory of Nyssa, John Chrysostom, and Augustine said about the Jews. Except that it wasn't nice.

(Side note: Try saying "Chrysostom". It's fun. Seriously. Say it. Isn't it fun? I think it's fun. But then again, I need a life.)

I'm also having serious trouble keeping my not-ritually murdered victims straight. I'm good with William of Norwich (1144), but I get very confused about Hugh of Lincoln (1255- good to know), Simon of Trent (1470-something...probably), and Andrew (-ol, -eas, -something else entirely that I've forgotten) of Rinn. Him I remember because his body was exhumed and carted around on his feast day and you know what? THIS is my problem with visions and miracles and stuff. Because frankly a lot of that stuff smacks of European superstition and I am neither European nor superstitious.

(Although I swear there was a ghost in the lady's room at the King's Arms Tavern. No. For reals. Colleen will back me up on this.)

Yeah. I don't know where I was going with this. Except typing it helped me remember some stuff. (John Chrysostom said five things- the Jews were like diseased rats, worshipped Satan, their synagogues were brothels, killed Christ, and they were looking out for any chance to kill a Christian kid they could find.)

(But his name is fun to say.)

(And he was pretty big in the spread of Christianity in Antioch.)

(Still. You could have been a little bit nicer.)

Three Things (Okay. Kind of four. Maybe Five. Tops.)

2010-02-23T11:51:00.002-06:00

I had a meeting with my thesis advisor this morning, and wow! He actually looked at me a few times! I know, right? Emotional growth. Because for the first few meetings, he refused to make eye contact, preferring instead to stare at the wall and lean backwards in his chair so far that I was really nervous that he was going to fall and wow, I so do not need this.

But he looked at my face a few times today. It was pretty cool.

He also said that my paper was wonderful and he had to grope for issues. Aww. Now I really care if you fall backwards and crack open your little head.

***

We're doing the Reformation in my class today. And the doctrine of purgatory is taking a hit. And it's annoying me to no end. Because I love purgatory. And I really feel that it should be explained properly.

Also. I'm like 90% sure the professor is drunk.

***

I get to use the department copier again. This is tremendously exciting, because I love making copies. Almost as much as I love spiritual purification.

I also got to chit-chat with the adorable professor who shares my boss' office. I freaking love my job. More than I love spiritual purification.

***

I'm probably going to need some time in purgatory.

***

I'm saying novenas that the plumber is at my house fixing the dishwasher as we speak (write?). Because I seriously dislike this whole "hand-washing" thing.

***

I think there was a bonus sixth item. But I don't remember what it was. Sorry.

Unholy.

2010-02-22T21:26:00.002-06:00

So...there's this ice dancing couple.

Now, I must admit. I don't like ice dancing. It's slow and boring and there aren't any cool jumps and I'm not even that fond of pairs skating, so yeah. Dislike. Except that it is ice skating and on a night when there is nothing except curling or something ridiculous like that, I'll take what I can get.

ANYWAY. This pair are brother and sister. Which is cute. I mean, at least it seems cute. Until you watch them skate and molest each other in front of millions of people and then it's just...strange.

I love my brother. I really do. We're quite close. I have never felt the need to dress in spandex and cling to his leg on the ice, though.

I think that's a good sign.

Meanwhile, if you're concerned about my dishwasher- it's still not fixed. Tomorrow. Hopefully. If you're concerned about my hands and how I look like a fifty-year-old from the wrist down- I'm like this close to just slathering petroleum jelly on them.

Housewife from hell.

2010-02-20T21:59:00.002-06:00

Okay. I wouldn't make a good housewife. You might think I would. I don't really like to work. I wear skirts and lipstick a lot. I vacuum unironically in high heels.

(I don't know why my only frame of reference for housewife is June Cleaver. My own mother hasn't work a skirt since, I think, she was pregnant with me. And she's a lovely woman.)

But I wouldn't be. Because I may have to wash a dish occasionally. And I really don't like doing that.

We've always had a dishwasher. So while I am actually responsible for the dishes, this mostly involves just collecting them from around the house and putting them in the dishwasher. And then letting it clean them while I Facebook stalked.

At least until yesterday. When that whole side of the kitchen decided to explode and spray water and you know what, I kind of stopped paying attention because it was boring and stressful and What Not To Wear was on.

So I'm not totally sure what happened. But I do know that both the sink and the dishwasher are out of commission and everyone in the house dealt with that by...not doing any of the dishes from yesterday? And then not doing any of the dishes from today? So by tonight we had no silverware left and it took me FORTY FIVE MINUTES to wash all the damn dishes and now I can't feel my fingers they're so chapped?

Yeah. That's what happened.

On Monday Plumber Guy is coming out. Thank goodness. I love Plumber Guy. I am generally in favor of all people who come to my house and make major convenient appliances work. I don't care if you're gross, stinky, creepy, or all three like that guy who wouldn't stop talking to me about my underwear but whatever, he fixed the washer. I would have given him a pair if he'd asked. Hell, I would have modeled it for him.

But I especially love Plumber Guy. He also came to Grandpa's house a few times, most notably on the day when we were tearing up the carpeting. Except the carpeting refused to be torn...and there were tears and perhaps some less-than-ladylike words and I may have threatened to tear my cousin or something, look, I don't really remember, it was a very stressful time. But Plumber Guy came out and helped us and actually ended up tearing up most of the carpeting. And then told us lots of juicy stories about his dysfunctional family.

So. Plumber Guy. If there's ever anything you need, I'm your girl.

Except the underwear thing. Because that was just weird.

I don't think anyone is reading this.

2010-02-19T17:50:00.003-06:00

Because Facebook is being dumb and not actually importing my posts even though my settings page assures me that they are doing so. Yeah. Sure, Facebook. I believe you. I'm still mad from that time two years ago when you sent out bumper stickers to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY FRIENDS when I HADN'T ASKED YOU TO.

Anyway. That's probably okay. Because I have very little to contribute. Because I have been doing very little except a.) sobbing quietly about graduation, b.) sobbing quietly about being accepted into at least one graduate program, c.) doing school work so that I will be able to both graduate and actually attend that grad program, and d.) watching the Olympics.

Oh. You would like to discuss? Okay.

A.) Well, you know about this. I got an e-mail telling me to order my cap and gown and I almost shorted out the keyboard. So there's really not anything to add to that.

B.) Happy tears! I promise! But I'm so relieved and yet really scared but still relieved because I have been irrationally fearful of losing my e-mail address and not being able to wear a UWM sweatshirt (not that I have one- funny thing no one ever talks about when you change sizes- YOU HAVE NO CLOTHES LEFT.). And now neither of those things has to happen unless I choose them. Well, I can still wear the sweatshirt. Regardless of where I go. Because they accepted me. So that's not sad. If they rejected me I would just walk around all day in shame. So that's not cool. What was I talking about? Oh, grad school. The emotional roller coaster continues!

C.) I'm so sick of Judeo-Christian relations that honestly, if I didn't have the Eucharist? I'd probably become a Zoroastrian.

D.) Dude. The Olympics. Are amazing. Even though they keep having the figure skating on really late, like, TEN THIRTY and I cannot stay up that late because I've probably been up since five thinking/writing/studying about Judeo-Christian relations. However, I have decided to marry Evan Lysaczek, horrible hyphenated last name be damned.

Hmmm. I think that's enough for today. I need to go memorize some stuff about allegations of Jewish ritual murder in the medieval period for two different tests on Thursday. (Can I just say? NEVER EVER CONDONED BY THE CHURCH HIERARCHY. *ahem*)

And by "memorize some stuff about Jewish ritual murder", I mean watch ice dancing.

So many questions...

2010-02-18T11:24:00.003-06:00

This morning I received the following email from the liturgical ministry coordinator at my parish:

Dear Kathleen,

A step has be placed in the sanctuary under the presider's chair.

Please be aware of this step and try to avoid tripping over it.

Um. Yeah. I'll watch out for that. I mean, I'm not sure what ministry requires you to be underneath the presider's chair, and I'm even less sure that I'm involved in it, but sure. I'll be careful.

Sacrifice

2010-02-17T11:57:00.003-06:00

It's Ash Wednesday. I love Ash Wednesday. I'm pretty much totally on board with anything remotely connected to liturgical seasons. And solemn ones? Dude. Sign me up.

I also enjoy creeping people out, and walking around campus all day with a cross on your forehead is a really good way to accomplish that.

I'm quite bad at giving stuff up for Lent. Not actually the giving up, because I tend to stick to something once I've decided to do it. (Eight-year-old me gave up Nancy Drew books. Oh, that was a long six weeks.) But finding something to give up. I don't really do food or anything, because I feel like there's nothing I enjoy enough or consume with enough frequency that it would really be a sacrifice. And if it's not a real sacrifice, then isn't it kind of just a New Year's resolution? I feel badly co opting the Son of Man's suffering and death because I've been feeling bloated.

(I will say this- having a fast day while PMSing? NOT COOL. Yes. You really needed to know that. Hey. You clicked onto this page. You knew you were probably going to get something that was way too much information.)

Last year I gave up buying coffee and lunch at school, which was fantastic. But I have so little time this semester that I can't buy anything...so that's out.

I know someone who is giving up Starbucks. But my GPA would plummet because I'm only good at studying if I'm at Starbucks, and I don't think Jesus wants that.

So I'm going to steal my sister's idea and try to lessen my use of God's name in vain. If you have any better ideas, please let me know. We can do a soft opening on Lent this year.

I'm better at trying to do things to increase my spirituality or focus more on my faith during Lent. I try to pray more. I already go to Mass pretty frequently, but I think that's a fantastic thing to do during Lent. I feel like this year I have so much to be thankful for that I should really try to be a better person.

But before I start being a better, less shallow person, I need a pretty cardigan to wear over a dress. So if you have thoughts on that as well as the whole giving-up thing, I totally appreciate it!

Acceptance

2010-02-15T21:34:00.002-06:00

I got in.

I don't even care how I'm going to pay for it, or whether anyone else takes me, I have somewhere to go in September. So it's all okay.

Thank God.

Happy Valentine's Day. That's an oxymoron.

2010-02-14T22:12:00.002-06:00

I spent the day writing a paper about Vatican II. Paul VI is a really great date.

And...I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell.

So. This is another one for the books. I'll see you all tomorrow.

High school with PhDs.

2010-02-13T21:53:00.002-06:00

So I was stalking the guy who shares my boss' office, because you don't know when my knowing where he got his PhD could come in in handy, and I came across the website "ratemyprofessors.com". This is truly an academic website. You can tell because there's a section for "hotness rating."

Oh, internets. Hours of fun ensued.

I now have read countless reviews of my favorite professors, my most hated professors, and random people I pass in the hallway.

On one of my professor's pages, the top comment was "Dr. *Blank* is amazing. He is brilliant and handsome."

And...I kind of wonder if he didn't log on and write that himself?

Because I know if I was a professor, I would totally comment on myself. And they would all be something like, "Dr. *Blank* is brilliant and also stunningly gorgeous. Rarely does one witness the combination of beauty and brains with which God has gifted her. Also, she looks like she spends a lot of time on her hair, and I feel like I can comment for the class when I write that we all appreciate it."

Just so that the actual comments that read something like, "This prof is so dumb. She doesn't grade good at all. I hardly did any reading at all and got a c so I guess thats ok lol," weren't so gutwrenching.

Not totally normal.

2010-02-12T19:30:00.002-06:00

I'd like to ask you to put with some more thesis talk. Because it's keeping my mind of the fact that I feel like throwing things every single freaking day when I get the mail because THERE'S NOTHING THERE OH MY LORD YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.

*ahem*

This is much more normal.

Okay. Kind of.

ANYWAY. I'm almost finished with my thesis. I'm up to about forty pages, and I've written three of the four chapters, and have printed a draft that I'm making my mom read. And my sister. And my advisor. Hell, do you want to read it? Because I'm so freaking happy about it I'm going to start handing it out on street corners.

Well, no. I'm not. Because it's really long and we can't just keep printing copies willy-nilly, I am poor do you hear me? I'm taking off work tomorrow to church crawl.

ANYWAY AGAIN. When I printed it off- such a good feeling. I usually get attached to my papers anyway, but this one? Is really long and really pretty and about theology and wow, I love it so much. I could make a lot of analogies that would be pretty funny and probably make my mom mad, but I'm not going to because I link to this on Facebook and while I don't think my priest actually reads this, he could, and that would just be awkward.

SO. I'll just say it's a really good feeling.

Seriously. You wanna read it? You can totally read it. I have lots to say about ecumenism.

I'm not even going to try to connect these for you.

2010-02-11T09:39:00.004-06:00

I'm very tired. And the attempt to remedy that with quite a lot of coffee is just making me sick. So. I'm going to be disjointed. And you're going to like it, dammit.

I was sitting in the library coffee shop this morning rifling through my bag to find something. I don't remember what. That's not important. But I had to drag out my multiple folders full of documents that I'm using for my thesis and I almost started to laugh.

I've always carried a rosary. I don't whip it out whenever I have a free twenty minutes.But it's just kind of something I think is kind of nice. I used to think was kind of silly.

Well, if that's silly, it's downright ridiculous to have a copy of all forty printed pages of Lumen Gentium, the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church, with you at all times. Which I have for the last three weeks. Because you don't know when you'll have a few free minutes to work on that new chapter! Ooh, wait, I have Dei Verbum too. Par-tay.

Also, I'm pretty sure that when I'm kidnapped by a serial killer and the members of the BAU show up at my house and search my computer, they're going to think I'm a crazy person. Because the last google search I did was, I am not even kidding, for, "Not praying for the Jews on Good Friday."

Oh, shut up. I remembered that something happened a few years ago and the prayers changed and whatever, but I couldn't remember the details. Don't judge me, I'm working on very little sleep. And lots of coffee. And did I mention the no sleep thing?

Finally. So. You know the Holton Hall Curse of Awkward? Yeah. It gets better. Because, dude, the guy who shares my boss' office is ridiculously adorable. Okay. Perhaps not objectively. But in a very academic way that, you probably already figured out, I'm totally okay with.

So. That's the end of heading into the office on a Friday in flat shoes and a sweatshirt.

Oh, who are we kidding. I never wear flat shoes.

Wednesday

2010-02-10T09:20:00.002-06:00

Ah, Wednesdays. They are, in theory, my day off. I don't have class, and I generally don't have the same kind of obsessive-compulsive need to do something productive like on Mondays because it's Monday! And people work on Monday!

(Dave? Anybody? Nobody? Honestly. Hilarious movie.)

Of course this usually means that I am available to run errands, shuttle people to and from school/work/whatever, I don't ask and as long as there's not a sign that says "crack den" on the door, I'm good, just tell me what time to pick you up, and do massive amounts of school work that I've scheduled myself to do because Wednesday! Is your day off!

So yeah, it took a couple of weeks to sort that stuff out, but today is pretty free and clear. I've organized the errand running, am way ahead of the game on the the whole thesis thing (Dude. Yesterday I was all about that thesis. Seriously. Paul VI would have been proud. Probably not about my use of the word "dude" in conjunction with his life's work.), and just have to reformat footnotes for a paper.

Can I just say that I'm horrible at footnotes? They slow me down, and so I rarely have them formatted correctly for a rough draft. Or worse, I just write from memory and then have to go back and spend a week citing everything I should have cited in the first place because I myself have very few original scholarly thoughts on Vatican II except ew, I do not want some priest sticking his fingers near my mouth so yay! for Communion in the hand!

And that's not very scholarly. Or even really related to Vatican II, because it was strictly a whiny-American phenomenon but whatever. I am. So on board. (My guess? They are too. Seriously. It's gross.)

Anyway. I forgot where I was going with this. I know I wanted to publicly urge John to BUY AN ALARM CLOCK. Wednesday is late start day at GHS. It has been for about three years. This is not new.

And yet every Wednesday there is some alarm clock malfunction that prevents the child from rising at the appropriate hour and then he's pissy and rushed and not at all pleasant. When I urge him to a.) buy an alarm clock or b.) tell someone like me or Dad to wake him up, he says that a.) he doesn't need one/his works fine/he can use his iPod and b.) Dad tells him he's 17 and should be able to organize his own life.

To which I reply a.) yes you do/no it doesn't because once again it's 8:05 and you're still eating breakfast/are you frickin kidding me you have full conversations in your sleep you are definitely not going to be roused by a tinny verion of Freebird that I'm pretty sure is constantly playing in your head anyway and b.) YES THAT WOULD BE LOVELY BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN'T AND I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO DEAL WITH YOU RUNNING AROUND LIKE A CRAZY PERSON AND FUMING IN THE CAR THANK GOD IT'S ONLY 1.8 MILES AWAY.*

*I'm being facetious. He's rarely fuming. And I like being able to take him. Since he didn't pick me as his confirmation sponsor, I feel we need time to bond.

Oh, come on.

2010-02-09T08:56:00.002-06:00

Dear UWM,

It's snowing. Hard. Now, now, I know. I can still see grass, too. But I understand from the TMJ4 weather guy who is foaming at the mouth with excitement (Weather men, right? Can't they just do drugs like the rest of the world?) that it's going to continue snowing. Hard.

So while I understand that you have Very Serious Business to conduct and actually getting to campus probably won't kill me, getting home after the Class from Hell at 5:15 (Yes, the one professor who lives blocks away from campus is the one I don't want to ever see again. Maybe she'll slip on some ice. She doesn't have to break anything. Just a sprain would be okay.) very well might.

And I am SO NOT ALONE IN THIS. There are 26,000 undergraduate students. And I'm guessing like, oh, 26,000 of them DON'T WANT TO DRIVE IN THIS. And most of them have to. Because we're a commuter school. Which seriously cuts down on the seriousness with which I take your Very Serious Business that you need to conduct this morning.

So. Please. It's my last semester. I've paid you huge checks for eight semester and SERIOUSLY LET ME JUST STAY HOME.

Sincerely,
Kathleen

Decisions

2010-02-08T10:09:00.002-06:00

Every Monday, I have a choice. I can get up at my normal (obscenely early) time and hang out on campus or at Starbucks (better- they don't make you pay for parking and there are people with real jobs there!) until picking up my sister, who actually has to go to class hahahaha I love being a senior. This gives me hours of uninterrupted time to do homework.

Or I can leisurely wake up when I feel like it, hang out at home, and just pick her up around noon. This gives me hours of uninterrupted time to drink (free) coffee, watch Frasier on Lifetime, and Facebook stalk people I went to grade school with.

Oh, internets. You can see where this is going, can't you? In my defense, I totally planned on doing that first one this morning. My bag is all packed and everything. Honest. But...fate intervened.

See, some friends and I had an eat-your-feelings party last night. (For those of you with normal emotional responses and a healthy relationship with food, I'll elaborate. That's when something bad happens and you spend the evening trying to make that something bad go away with pizza and brownie sundaes and (preferably) liquor, but Keelin was driving so we decided the carbohydrates would have to do the trick.) I was kind of tired this morning, and that whole driving to campus at eight o'clock thing wasn't happening. But still! I woke up at a normal time, and totally intended on sitting down at my desk and working.

But, of course. I didn't.

So. To recap. I do not have a grasp of whatever the hell that forty-page article on Jewish emancipation that I have to write a paper on tomorrow says, or any more completed on my thesis. I do have two new Taylor Swift songs. Because I am secretly a fifteen-year-old girl.

Bad, bad historian.

2010-02-07T17:55:00.002-06:00

A few months ago, someone asked me what I want to be when I grow up. I replied, quite honestly, that I wanted to marry into wealth. But, failing that, I wanted to be an historian. It's quite a good career for me- lots of random details that no one cares about, getting to grade papers, force people to call me "Doctor"...lots of very awesome things.

Yes. That's it. I shall be a scholar!!! All set.

Well, last semester I joined Phi Alpha Theta, a history honor society. It was obscenely expensive and did absolutely nothing except allow me to write "Member of Phi Alpha Theta" on my statement of purpose for graduate schools. Oh, and a subscription to "The Historian", the monthly journal. Whatever. For what it cost, it should write a few papers for me.

The first issue came last week. And...it's really boring. Like, there are no pictures. There are four eighty-page articles and then about two hundred pages of book reviews. And...that's all.

Okay. I wasn't expecting Tiger Beat or something with a quiz about which Jo Bro is your fave, but I kind of figured it would be more like National Geographic.

But. Turns out. No.

THEN I realized, wait. I'm going to have to (attempt) to write one of those someday. Kind of soon. And then I decided that maybe that marrying into wealth thing had better happen after all.

Valiantly representing 50% of the Center for Jewish Studies' Gentile population.

2010-02-06T21:41:00.005-06:00

So...it turns out I'm reading at Mass on Holy Thursday. If you check back to...oh...any Holy Thursday since I've started this blog, you'll find an "omg love it so much Latin incense oh my!" entry. Because...um...Latin. And incense. I really like those two things.

(Funny story- I almost made my First Communion on Holy Thursday. Eight-year-old me, who, incidentally, was totally on board with the whole Latin and incense thing, thought that would be pretty cool. We knew the pastoral associate at the time, and she figured that we could do it. But then I chickened out and decided to do it with the rest of my class. I kind of regret that.)

Anyway. I still love it. And the first reading? Appropriately- Passover! And I cannot even tell you how thrilled the Jewish Studies major in me is!

Except I will- A LOT THAT'S HOW MUCH.

I think Katie needs to come. It'll be a party. Well. A solemn party.

Say Yes to the Dress

2010-02-05T21:34:00.004-06:00

I'm kind of a TLC-reality show slut. It began, of course, with Jon & Kate Plus 8. I was ALL ABOUT that show. I had a favorite kid, for heaven's sake. (Aaden. I loved Aaden.) Then they broke up and started fighting and it just got depressing and...well, then it was cancelled, so I got over that. I love What Not to Wear. SO HARD. I aspire to being wealthy enough to hire Clinton Kelly to just live in my house and dress me every morning. And make me laugh. And remind me to send thank you notes, which I'm horrible at doing.

(If you've given me a gift in the last five years, and have yet to receive a thank you note? Sorry. My bad.)

Do not even get me started on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. I think if Jesus were going to watch something, it would be this show.

(I never really got into 17 18 19 Kids and Counting. Or, as I like to call it, He is Not That Attractive Why Do You Keep Having Sex With Him I Don't Care That That's What God Wants.)

Another good one is Say Yes to the Dress. It's not my favorite, but it's on right after What Not to Wear and I love it when they go crazy and burst into tears. (Sad, not happy. Happy just makes me sad.) Tonight there's a huge woman who wants a "sexy" dress for the reception as well as a pouffy one for the actual ceremony.

I have a myriad of problems with this. One- seriously, the woman is way too big for those dresses. Second, please don't ever use "sexy" when you're talking about your wedding. Look, obviously you're thinking, "I want to look hot." But you need to say, "I want to look beautiful and innocent."

It's all about being a lady.

(Stop laughing.)

I don't like the whole idea of two dresses, either. And not just because it's a huge waste of money, but it's your wedding dress. I'm not married. I'm not engaged. I've never planned a wedding. And I do place much more importance on the marriage than on the ceremony, but you get to wear this dress for a matter of hours. Why would you want to cut that short to put on a different dress? It makes no sense.

Neither did this post. I'm sorry.

All monotheism, all the time.

2010-02-04T11:44:00.002-06:00

I'm a little bit comparative-religioned out. (Yes, it's a verb.) Every single one of my classes deals with Judaism or Christianity or how Christianity is mean to Judaism or...I don't even know, I don't keep track anymore. I just traipse from class to class without much distinction because they're all saying THE SAME DAMN THING.

(First century Palestine. I. Am. Over. It.)

(Except this morning when my professor was talking about mandatory celibacy and said, "Eh, it's one of those things that you can do. Or you can't handle it." And my lip is bleeding because I was biting it so hard to keep from laughing out loud. That was pretty interesting.)

And the thesis. Oh, my goodness, am I over Vatican II. Or, at least, I should be. But I'm not. And that frightens me. I'm kind of on a thesis roll, because I want to finish it pretty early this semester so I can ~~turn it in as the final paper for most of my classes~~ have more time to devote to the rest of my studies. I think about it constantly. I drag my computer and bag of sources around with me because hey! I could have a free fifteen minutes sometime today! An dammit, I could write a good paragraph about John XXIII in that time.

Fortunately, I'm almost finished with the Hi-I'm-Catholic-And-My-People-Have-Been-Horrible-In-The-Past Chapter. I'm not an angry Catholic. I'm really not. I understand that the Church is made up of human beings, and they have made some (astounding) mistakes in the past. And I do understand that, in many cases *cough*Pius XII*cough* things have been taken out of context and blown out of proportion. And none of it changes my belief in the resurrection of Christ or the doctrine of transubstantiation.

But it's still depressing to be all, oh, yeah, sorry about that. My bad. We'll try to keep a lid on the pogroms from now on. And we're almost totally over the whole plague thing.

Honestly. I had to read Martin Luther's On the Jews and Their Lies for a class and I was so excited because ha! The Lutherans aren't so nice either!

And we get Mary. So that's good.

I really must do copies.

2010-02-03T10:12:00.003-06:00

I opened my laptop this morning and it did weird things. NOT constantly connecting to Facebook hahaha, Mom, but turning weird colors and freezing and doing all sorts of other things that made me almost scream out loud in the middle of the library coffee shop.

(You think I go to the library to study? Hahaha. No. They have muffins here!)

This was distressing. Because I can't totally afford ~~the coffee I just bought~~ a new computer right now and please, baby, just work until September for mommy, okay? Then my (hopeful) Grad PLUS loan will replace you! But shh! The federal government thinks I'm using it for tuition.

And...then I realized that it had the only copy of my thesis on it. Okay. My thesis is just a senior thesis, and I realize it's only about twenty pages long right now and it's not like losing a doctoral dissertation or something, but dammit, I do not want to write those twenty pages again. I get kind of lazy about backing it up because, ugh, so much extra work. And since I threw my flash drive in a bottle of water (don't ask) at the end of last semester, that hasn't exactly been an option.

I quickly began bargaining with God. Seriously, just let me e-mail it to myself and and I'll do Your work, I promise. Little AIDS babies in Africa? I am there. With clean water. Hell, I'll even go to South America or something, and You know how I feel about humidity.

Apparently I need to get my malaria shots, because I was able to back it up, and restart the computer, and the weird colors went away and I don't have to rewrite my withering critique of John Cornwell's Hitler's Pope.

Although that was fun. I do so enjoy railing on angry ex-seminarians.

Just FYI, I'm stopping at Target on the way home. I obviously need a flash drive.

There are advantages to being a stalker.

2010-02-02T11:36:00.003-06:00

There's this one professor that I pretty much stalk. He teaches everything I like and he gives me A's. He's lucky I don't follow him home.

Anyway. I've taken probably four classes with him in which he discusses Palestine in the first century, and I've seen the series From Jesus to Christ, where I'm pretty sure he gets most of his ideas, so I could pretty much give the lecture that I'm listening to right now. This isn't a terribly bad thing- it frees me up to do very important things like contemplate the ceiling and balance my checkbook and pick at my nails. You know, academic stuff.

We're doing the four major groups of Jews in Palestine right now- Sadducees, Pharisees, Essenes, and zealots. (There used to be five, but we lost the scribes since last semester. Whatever, they were just hanging out in the temple, killing time.) I really like this part of the lecture. Because the Essenes are basically hippies and typing "Sadducees" or "Pharisees" just makes me want to finish, "they would not dance and they wouldn't follow me."

But my favorites are the zealots. Because they're basically the Irish of first-century Palestine. Honestly. They're all crazy and dude, the ~~British~~ Romans are totally jealous of our awesome ~~potatoes~~ Temple. They're SCARED of us. Please to have ~~home rule~~ independence?

Ah. I also kind of love it when ~~Britain~~ Rome gets fed up and puts the smackdown on the ~~Irish~~ Jews. I know I shouldn't. But I do.

Ooh, we're on to Holy Week now. I should probably pay attention. Pilate the Roman Thug is about to get all philosophical and what is truth? in John's gospel. Exciting.

I don't need a platypus.

2010-02-01T21:35:00.002-06:00

Note: I had to Google "platypus" to find out how to spell it. Shh. Don't tell any graduate schools.

I know that God likes to laugh because during horrible weeks when you'd really prefer to just crawl back into bed, preferably with a very large bottle of Maker's Mark (Or whatever turns your crank; I'm fond of the very unladylike bourbon myself.), and completely ignore stuff going on around you like school and your thesis and the fact that you don't know where you'll be in September and why hello there, PET scan, you haven't made me nauseous with fear in a few months, good to see you again! you get pimples the likes of which you haven't seen since high school when Ugly Betty premiered.

(Okay. So it wasn't that long ago. The young can be stressed, too.)

Note the Second: That was one sentence. Shh. Don't tell any graduate schools.

I suppose you could think that God is cruel. But I'm an optimist. (Stop laughing.)

Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to go steal my little brother's Proactiv.

Reality

2010-01-31T21:29:00.002-06:00

Oh, internets. This was a lovely weekend. A busy weekend, with my dad's birthday and my cousin's birthday and out-of-town relatives and working and homework and what you wanted to sleep pssh sleep is for the weak and also, how much more food do you think it's possible to consume without exploding?

(Answer: More cake. Apparently.)

I love weekends like this where I get to see both sides of my family, especially the Confederate Brigade. Even if it is just for two hours across a table and it's all, oh, yeah, I really wish we could talk more because I haven't seen you guys since, like, July, and let's be honest, I wasn't on my A game that day, but there are like eight people in between us so I can't. Which is typically how any gathering at a restaurant that involves more than six people is like, no?

Whatever. It was wonderful.

But real life is good too. It's probably just my inner control freak, but I even had fun this evening packing up my ungodly amounts of school stuff that...um...didn't get finished this weekend. You know what? I got busy. And I'll have it all finished by the time I graduate, okay?

(Funny story: My aunt asked me today if I was thinking about going to graduate school. Ha. Hahaha. Can you tell she doesn't have Facebook?)

Anyway. I'm going to attempt to sleep now, and probably not eat any complex carbohydrate for...oooh...about four days.

I don't know if I am Marquette, but my mom certainly is.

2010-01-29T15:20:00.004-06:00

Hey! Want to hear another Kathleen-is-going-crazy story?

Well, I don't really care! Because I'm going crazy!

You all know that I applied to Marquette. And unless you've stopped paying attention to my increasingly fevered ramblings, you probably also know that they have not made admission decisions yet.*

You may not know that my mom actually did attend Marquette. In fact, she graduated from Marquette Law School twenty-five years ago this year! Exciting! (Or at least I assume it was. I wouldn't be born for another three years. But the pictures make it look exciting!)

This means she has a reunion this year. Very exciting. I think she should go. I mean, really. You spend three years literally killing yourself for a degree only to end up in a job that you despise?You should go to the reunion. At least get some free champagne out of it.**

This also means that she receives a piece of mail from Marquette Law School every. single. frickin. day. About very important things like are you planning on bringing your spouse/significant other/gender neutral partner/dog along with you to the reunion? And would he/she/it/Fido like a name tag?

And guess what? The Marquette insignia is REALLY BIG in the corner of the envelope. The "Law School- Sensenbrenner Hall" mark is REALLY SMALL underneath the GINORMOUS Marquette insignia.

I get the mail every day. I see the Marquette thing on a tiny little crush-your-dreams-you're-going-to-be-working-retail-for-the-rest-of-your-life envelope. I have a heart attack.

Every. Single. Frickin. Day.

Yes. I know I should have learned by this point to maybe look at who the envelope is addressed to before allowing my heart rate to increase like I'm halfway through a triathlon.*** But I would like to see you try to do that.

*They did not take this long to make undergraduate decisions. I have terrible memory, and honestly cannot remember much about four years ago when I was applying to college. But I do remember my Marquette story. I was out picking up my sister from school and I got a call from my best friend. She had just received her admissions packet. Now. A good person would have been thrilled for her best friend. A bad person would have choked out through gritted teeth, "Oh my goodness, I'm so happy for you," raced home at breakneck speed, and accosted the mail person to see if her admissions packet had arrived because if she didn't get into Marquette the world would cease spinning and she could never be friends with that person again because she would know her shame!

Guess which one I was? FYI, I got into Marquette. I stayed friends with Mary. The world continued to spin. I know, you're all thrilled.

**Although she did get to have her wedding at Gesu. I think that's worth almost anything. I will probably be turned down at Marquette and have to walk around the Biggest Baptismal Font In the World.

***BAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I kill me. Actually, a triathlon probably would.

Restore time for little iPhone.

2010-01-28T21:28:00.002-06:00

My iPhone is like a baby. I've named it. I have a tendency to take it picture at various occasions. There has been some definite Facebook tagging. And I can't count the number of nights I've been up with it because it's sick.

My iPhone(s) seems to have serious problems with the iPod software. Like, after awhile, it doesn't enjoy playing songs in order. I know. I know. Children are starving and orphaned and living in rubble in Haiti. I'm not saying that the fact that Josh Groban's discography is not in sequence is the most pressing issue of the day, but I will say that for how much money Apple charges, it should work.

And it happens all the time. Much like a child with a persistent ear infection, I have spent numerous nights restoring. And restoring again. And on hold with the Apple people. And booking appointments at the Genius Bar. (Hi Jason! Jason probably knows me by now, I'm such a frequent customer.) And crying from exhaustion because WHY WON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG IT'S ONE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING???

*ahem* Yes. That may have almost happened once.

Heloise fell ill again this morning, and I, like a good mother, ignored her when I got home because I was exhausted seriously five classes straight I am TIRED y'all, I do not CARE that I'm 22 and in fairly decent shape you talk to me after running all over campus from 9:30 until 5. And...now we're in the process of uploading all 600 songs back on.

Fanfreakingtastic. I'm going to bed. They don't make iPhone Motrin.

Can I just say- iPhones. Are AMAZING. When they work. And when they don't. Well, then not so much. They're fun and awesome and I don't really regret buying mine at all, but wow, so much hassle. Seriously. Blackberry. Way. To. Go.

Awkward.

2010-01-27T20:09:00.004-06:00

Oh, hey, want to hear a funny story? That doesn't have anything to do with grad school?

I THOUGHT SO.

I had to run into Holton today to pick up some work stuff. I also had to stop at the bathroom because a.) Holton Hall water is the best thing ever and b.) I drink a lot of it. So I was scurrying into the ladies room trying to avoid anything like this. A lady was washing her hands, and she looked up and smiled at me.

Can I just say that I really hate any and all social interactions in restrooms?

(That sounded dirty. I mean conversations, perv.)

For reals. I'm uncomfortable even if it's, like, my sister or someone. I'm repressed. I know. But I'm okay with it. The repression. Not acknowledging people in the bathroom. That's just weird.

ANYWAY.

I kind of smiled at her, because if there's anything worse than friendly awkwardness it's rude awkwardness. Hopefully this will be the end of it. But Holton Hall's ladies rooms have really long and twisty corridors? I don't know how to describe it. But she had enough time to start talking.

"You're a lector at St. Eugene, aren't you?"

Excuse me?

Well, I can't not answer her. Because I am. And she knows it, obviously. And that means next Sunday or whenever will be like eighteen times more awkward than right now. Maybe. If that's possible.

"Um....yes. Hi. *awkward pause* I hope you can hear me. I'm kind of quiet."

"Oh! We can. And you always dress so beautifully!"

"Thank you?" Can you leave now?

"Are you a student here?"

"Um...yeah. I'm a senior."

"Oh, wonderful!"

"Yes. I think so." I. Am. Never. Entering. This building. Again.

Ookay. I can safely say that I have never had a discussion of any liturgical ministry in a bathroom before.

And I rather hope I don't have to ever again.

Lest you begin to feel good about yourself...

2010-01-26T20:56:00.002-06:00

I'm a white Christian. This means that, other than having to budget an inordinate amount of my income to procuring bottles of SPF 80 for daily wear, I've pretty much never been persecuted.

(I am Irish. And my people are fond of railing about the potato famine as though it were a great injustice and personal affront and...not a fungus that didn't know you had a mammy and eight kids.)

I'm also a Jewish Studies major. (Don't ask why. It has nothing to do with Jews.) Which means that all of my classes are about people who have actually been oppressed. Usually by people like me. This semester, my final semester, I have a lovely complement of classes.

We begin the day with Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. This tells me that I suck, but at least other people suck right along with me.

Then I have Antisemitism Through the Ages. This assures me that I have always sucked.

Next is Jews in Modern Europe. Guess what? I sucked right up through the twentieth century!

Finally we wrap up with Jewish and Christian Responses to the Holocaust, making sure that I know I have a lot of atoning to do for the sucking, don't think you're getting away with one address at the synagogue in Rome, papist scum.

My other two classes are ~~self-flagellating~~ independent studies. One, my senior thesis, is on Nostra Aetate in twentieth century politics. I suck so much that I had to convene an ecumenical council to deal with it. And it's still the shortest decree.

The other one is a critical analysis of the implementation of the Good Friday Accords over the last ten years in Northern Ireland.

Yup. That's right. The British get to suck a little bit, too.

Five weeks.

2010-01-25T21:51:00.003-06:00

Five weeks is an okay break. I'm excited to go back tomorrow, but I haven't reached that desperate point that I hit somewhere at the end of June when I'm all SUMMER CLASSES CAN I TAKE PLEASE LOOK I JUST NEED TO STUDY SOMETHING ANYTHING.

*ahem*

So. Winter breaks. Are good. But so are Spring semesters.

(Not, as a whole, as good as Fall semesters, I've decided. But they're still pretty good. And I hold infinite hope for Antisemitism. The class. Not the concept. I'm not an evil person.)

The Cool Crowd

2010-01-24T21:10:00.002-06:00

In the Friday paper, there used to be a column where local 20-somethings would talk about what they were doing that coming weekend. They were fabulous things that definitely did not involve going to bed at 9 p.m., attempting to not swear at the lovely patrons of Borders Fox Point, or consuming one's weight in brownies while watching Say Yes to the Dress.

Because that has totally never described one of my weekends.

Anyway. It's gone now. Like most of the paper, actually. I think it's a recession thing. However, I propose bringing it back. I could write it. Except it would be called the You're-Wasting-Your-Early-Twenties Crowd.

Make no mistake, this weekend included a large number of the typical embarrassing things. I watched What Not to Wear. For awhile. Until I fell asleep. I tried valiantly to not throw a book at someone's head and you know what, sir? I see that you're purchasing something from the Christian fiction section. Do you know what Jesus doesn't like? BEING OBNOXIOUS TO EMPLOYEES THAT'S WHAT. I read at Mass. That's not really embarrassing. It's just dorky.

But I actually did stuff too! Except even as I was actually doing stuff, I still managed to stay firmly in the "uncool" sector. I went to the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit on Friday afternoon. That was cultural and outgoing. But then I was so exhausted when I got home I did nothing else the rest of the day.

(The exhibit? Is long. Fascinating and amazing, but it took us two and a half hours to get through.)

I went out with friends on Saturday night. That's normal. But when we were finished with dinner, one of us went back to the seminary, one spent the night reading Reformation-era theologians, and one listened to the last twenty minutes in a series of angry 16-year-olds hooking their angst up to amps and spewing it throughout the Grafton High School auditorium.

(Not John! John was lovely. And perfectly not-angsty.)

(Can you tell which one I was?)

Aaand, now it's Sunday night and I'm watching the eighteenth version of Emma on PBS. And I think it may be my favorite, despite the disturbing lack of Ewan McGregor. Yeah. That's right. I have a favorite version of Emma. Wow. Form an orderly queue, gentlemen.

Oh, whatever. I frickin' love Emma. The lesson to be learned from this version is primarily- Mr. Elton: Reason #1 for Priests to Remain Celibate. We do not need your drama, Father.

Have you added anything to the Constitution lately?

2010-01-22T20:54:00.004-06:00

I'm pretty sure I've written about Roe v. Wade at some point on here. I can't link to it, because when I did a term search I just found my opinion on Gardasil and my letter to Queen Elizabeth that would have made more sense a few weeks ago.

But I'm sure I have. Because goodness knows that if there's anything that I enjoy more than commenting on social issues it's commenting on social issues that INVOLVE THE SUPREME COURT.

Yes. I am something of a Supreme Court ~~Whore~~ Groupie. I read their blog, man. I'm pretty sure their significant others don't do that. It's pretty boring. But I still read it. I read decisions for fun. I want to be on the Supreme Court. If I thought I could handle more than one day of actually being a lawyer without wanting to kill myself from boredom, I would be obsessing over my law school application right now.

(But I don't. So I'm not.)

ANYWAY. One of the (few) things I am (very) fond of criticizing the Court for is the Roe decision and the fact that it should never have even been a decision. It's couched in Griswold, which is a bad ruling, too. I don't care how awesome you think it is, there is no right to privacy in the Constitution. Also, no penumbras. And I think that Justice Blackmun allowed his personal experience as legal counsel for the Mayo Clinic influence his opinion. He unfortunately witnessed the admittedly horrible things that happen when abortions are attempted in, well, I don't know how else to say this, but less than ideal conditions. (Is killing a baby ever in an ideal condition?) And that sucks. But oh, guys, you messed up with this one.

Honestly. Viability? Because that's not an ever-changing mark. I think that's the thing that depresses me most about abortion- it's so hopeless. You don't know what that child would have done or been. When I was born, I wasn't supposed to live. If my parents had known before I was born what was supposed to be wrong with me, they would have had the option to abort.

But nothing was permanently wrong. (Well, that we know of. I'm only 22. It could still happen.) And I still could have been gone. Like the almost fifty million children who are because of this legalization.

Catholic Theological Union is screwing with me.

2010-01-21T10:43:00.002-06:00

Every day when the mail arrives, I throw up a little. Not really. That's kind of gross. But I want to, internets, and that's the important part. Because while I'm 99% sure that of course there won't be anything from any school I've applied to, there could be! And dude, I don't see a big envelope. Which means it must be a small envelope. Which is bad news. Oh, God, please don't let me see the Marquette return address on a small envelope.

(My head. It is a scary place sometimes.)

However, I can be certain that I will have received something from Catholic Theological Union. They were on my original list of schools. About a year ago. When I was...I don't know, high or something, and I thought hey! Two master's programs! At two different schools! One in a different city! I can totally do and afford this!

Ha. Hahaha. Yeah. No.

ANYWAY. I didn't apply at CTU, mostly because of the fact that the packet they sent me was like 90 pages long and I didn't have a week to devote to tracking down everyone who had ever seen me help a child and make them write a letter or recommendation . Also, the whole hey, why don't you apply for a program you're actually qualified for, moron? thing.

They haven't gotten the hint. I still get postcards. And folders. And scholarship applications. And letters offering all sorts of assistance because they haven't received my application yet!

I know! And it's January! You'd think you guys would catch on already!

So. To recap. Pieces of mail I've received from schools I've actually applied to: 0. Pieces of mail I've received from CTU: 583,049. As of yesterday.

I'm beginning to regret not applying, to be perfectly honest; because I think they'd at least be better at the whole contact thing. I don't think they'd consign me to the horrors of Northwestern's application page staring blankly out at me every morning. At least I would get a frickin' postcard or something, even if it just said, "Hi! We're still thinking about whether or not we should crush your dreams! Stay tuned!"

3

2010-01-20T21:22:00.003-06:00

No, not the irritatingly infectious Britney Spears single that is totally not at the top of my current playlist and even my iPhone loves it so much it pops up on shuffle an awful lot. Pssh. That would be weird.

No. Rather, this is in reference to the number of books I have to buy this semester. Ah, the joys of being a senior. My freshman year I spent $700 a semester on books. I'm not entirely sure how. But I know that packaged sets for two foreign languages and a geography survey are EXPENSIVE, y'all. And I'm almost completely positive that they were not worth it. Because I can't even remember what I took freshman year. So I'm thinking the books weren't that valuable.

Wait. That's not true. I remember French because it was so blindingly horrible and medieval history because it was awesome. The other eight? Not so much.

Anyway. I'm a senior now, and I've managed to skate through the last few semesters buying the bare minimum. I believe it was the semester that I was told to buy two Jewish study bibles that I adopted the "screw you" attitude towards book buying. So now I wait to see if I really need them. And if I do, then I'll see if the library has them. And if not, I'll get old editions from the internet because- psst!- the professor probably hasn't read enough of them to differentiate between editions either!

So this semester I managed to get all of my books from the library or alternative sources (God bless e-reserve), and only have to purchase three. One is a course packet, which I'm mad about having to buy because it's all stuff that I already have for my thesis and whatever, I do not want to go to some random printer on Oakland so I can have a THIRD copy of Nostra Aetate. I bought another one for $12 (including shipping) from some probably less-than-reputable internet person. (There's a special place in hell for someone who cheats a student out of a holocaust book.) And the final one I don't even need for a month an a half and...yeah...I'll deal with that later.

My last semester in undergrad and I don't even have to enter a bookstore.

Freud is history.

2010-01-19T21:12:00.002-06:00

Hot TA was fond of saying that. So I'm fond of saying it. Also, Freud was ridiculous and has been almost uniformly discredited. My little repressed self is happy with that.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to share that. The cold medicine? Maybe? I don't know. Probably. DayQuil is beautiful but wow, after a few solid days you stop needing solid food. Which is strange.

Anyway. I promised Nicole I'd give them a shout-out. So! Cafe Aduro! First and third Tuesdays of the month! Way more fun than sitting at home awkwardly helping your brother memorize the psychosexual stages of development while spewing mucus from almost ever orifice. You should come!

I Can't Hear You. Lalalalalala.

2010-01-18T15:22:00.003-06:00

I'm not getting sick. I am definitely not getting sick. I have stuff to do this week and school next week and whatever, it's not an issue because I'm not getting sick. Nope. Absolutely not. I mean, I'm really only taking the DayQuil because I like the taste. That's completely why.

Meanwhile, it's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Which means no mail. Which means no acceptance. But it also means I don't have to worry about it. So...that's okay.

This completes the "bury one's head in the sand" portion of the day.

Oh, who are we kidding? Most of my life is denial. Vatican II? I don't know what you're talking about, I've got, like, months for that.

I blame my mother and her family. If ever a family was fond of the rose-colored glasses, it was the McDonoughs. They took a story about a guy ditching his wife and daughters and turned it into a tragic tale of a young man's journey during the industrial revolution gone horribly awry.

So it's not my fault and I certainly do not have a cold.

Superpower

2010-01-17T19:41:00.004-06:00

What would your superpower be? Flying would be pretty cool. Being invisible would allow me to take my Facebook stalking to the next (illegal) level. But I think the power I would definitely like to have is the ability to cry and be pretty at the same time.

I'm not saying I'm pretty. But most of the time I look pretty normal. Until I feel slightly choked up and then my skin turns weird colors and for some reason my lips get bigger and whatever, it's just unattractive. If I had possessed that power this afternoon I would still have been crumbled in a ball on my mom's bedroom floor having the meltdown that I've joked about having for weeks on a crying jag about financial aid and eighth grade graduation and yeah, I don't even know.

But at least I would have been pretty while doing it.

(NO! I wasn't turned down by anyone. That would imply that I KNEW ANYTHING YET.)

So. There's that. And that sucked.

I was going to attempt to liveblog or at least Twitter the Golden Globes. But...I've kind of hated everyone who has won so far. So my tweets would have been limited to the following:

@mi_morena: HFPA, you turn down Neil Patrick Harris, you are dead to me.

@mi_morena: Thank God Carlo Rossi makes the jug of white zinfandel.

@mi_morena: Wait. Have I had anything solid to eat today?

@mi_morena: Hmmm. A sandwich? Around noon.

@mi_morena: Ooh. This is not going to be pretty.

@mi_morena: Whatever. I'm probably not going to Europe and I'm probably not going to graduate school so I may as well be hungover, too.

That last one may have been more than 140 characters. I probably would have had to break it up ala Meghan McCain.

Oh, wait. Helen Mirren just showed up. I love her. Okay, Golden Gloes. You just slightly redeemed yourself.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

2010-01-16T07:36:00.002-06:00

What? I'd know. I was a psych major for about three minutes.

Okay. That's a lie. I was never officially a psych major. But only because I was too young! For a good week freshman year I was all about psychology. And not only because my psych TA was ridiculously adorable. So adorable that he was christened, and still referred to as, Hot TA.

Okay. That's a lie too. Hot TA was a big part of it. But I do love psychology, and I would love to be a psychiatrist, but that's just the thing. I'm from the "go big or go home" school of thought, and therefore, while I have every respect for therapists and psychologists and they work very hard and have advanced degrees and do tremendous amounts of good, if I'm going into psychology, I want a prescription pad.

(This life philosophy also came into play when my younger brother, slightly annoyed that I occasionally scream "SEMINARY!" at him, suggested that maybe, in an attempt at peace, he would become a deacon. I told him that was ridiculous.)

And I furthermore know that any admissions department at any medical school anywhere other than..oh, I don't know...San Salvador would laugh so hard at my application that they would choke.

("No! Really! She took Chemistry for Non-Science Majors! And got an A-! BAHAHAHAHAHA.")

So. That's out as a career path.

Where was I going with that? Oh! Right! Narcissism. Because this next sentence is kind of narcissistic. Sometimes I don't like to update my blog because I really liked the last post I did, and then it gets shoved down on the page and no one will ever love it again. Not that I think the post was particularly brilliant, but I just liked it.

Last night's post? Was not one of those. Should you care, there's a lot of blah blah grad school blah blah going crazy blah blah I don't think they're ever going look at my application blah blah why are any of you still friends with me? Blah. So...scroll down for that. Anyway, I have no compunction about posting this, then.

Except I don't really have anything to say. Except that I like saying "compunction."

Ooh! I could talk about Northern Ireland's various sex scandals. You know, how the First Minister's wife slept with a 19-year-old and her name is literally Mrs. Robinson and now she's been forced out of Parliament and he's on leave and the government could collapse because I've said it once and I'll keep saying it until, well, the government collapses but THE GOOD FRIDAY ACCORDS DID NOTHING, oh, and Gerry Adams' brother is a pedophile?

Yeah. That.

Because there are four things in the world that make me happy.

1.) Watching the British fail at partition.

2.) Dramatic political events involving centuries-old tensions.

3.) Gossip.

4.) Ecumenical councils.

Three out of four isn't bad.

Meanwhile, I can't wait for my independent study on Northern Ireland to start. Maybe I can write about the effects of inappropriate conduct on the implementation of police powers.

And title will be "Good Friday is just Sunningdale 2.0 and Trust Me, It Didn't Work Any Better in 1998 Than It Did in 1974. Oh, and Iris Robinson Is Kind of a Slut."

It's going to have to be in very small letters.

But I'll probably get an A. The professor. He loves me.

Productive?

2010-01-15T20:09:00.002-06:00

(Hey! Remember when I said I wasn't going to blog about school anymore? Yeah. I lied.)

I mailed off the final portion of my application today- the fellowship application. Otherwise known as, the Part That Allows Me To Afford All the Other Parts.

Because, well, I'm not sure Borders will still be in business in September, and I'm even less certain that they will have, for some reason, increased my wages to $400 an hour. Although that would be lovely.

SOOOO. The full tuition and living stipend that's more money than I've ever seen before? Would be pretty awesome.

Of course, the director of graduate studies then had to send me an e-mail and screw with my head. He's an old professor of mine, and even wrote me a lovely letter of recommendation.*

He finished the letter with the sentence, "Looking forward to (possibly) having you in some of my grad classes!"

Wait. What? Possibly? What does that mean? Oh, this required some thinking. I took it to mean that they're totally never going to accept me and I'm going to die alone and barren** and working at Barnes and Noble.***

My mom took it to mean he thinks they're going to let me in, but it's not official yet, and he can't say that without qualifying it.

The guy passing my house whom I flagged down and dragged into my kitchen to read my e-mail? He wasn't totally sure.

So. That's a whole different layer of crazy that you uncovered, Dr. *I Really Want To Go To Your University So I'm Going To Not Write Your Name All Over The Internets*.

*That I printed. And hung on my bulletin board. And read sometimes when I'm feeling like no one will ever accept me. Or when I'm feeling like no one will ever marry me. Or when I'm feeling like even if I do get accepted I'm never going to pass the doctoral exams and I don't even speak French, what the hell. Or when I'm feeling bloated. Or when I'm feeling like eating cookies. Or when it's, like, Tuesday. I read that sucker a lot.

**Please don't ask me why I assume that as soon as I get into a master's program I'll get married and pregnant. I'm pretty sure that's not on the curriculum.

***What? I'm disloyal.

I always thought real highly of her.

2010-01-14T17:47:00.003-06:00

My grandmother has spent the last eleven years with God. And the last two with Van Johnson. And the last eighteen months with Grandpa. I think Van Johnson wins. We spent the last eleven years growing up without her (I'm twice as old as I was when she died, and that's really weird), but you know, there's jewelry. So that's good.

I feel kind of badly sometimes because I talk about about Grandpa a lot. I miss him during random parts of the day, I can still hear his voice (although I did drop my phone the first time I called his house after he died and the answering machine picked up), I really wish I could talk to him about some of this school stuff, and well, I blog about it. A lot. Too much to link to, in fact.

(Pretty much check out any post from the end of July 2008 through...oh...last week sometime.)

I feel like I'm cheating Grandma out of some quality grieving. Which is stupid, because obviously I miss her just as much.

My middle name is "Mary Elizabeth," after her. For those of you who actually know my entire name, please note that it is FREAKING LONG. When I was applying to college, the school I ended up choosing required my entire name. So now whenever I show up on a roster, or get a letter, or even an e-mail, it shows up as "Kathleen Mary Elizabeth *Redacted Because I Don't Need Any Help Finding Crazy People*". Just last week I sent an e-mail and realized how long and stupid that looked. I was about to log onto PAWS to apply to change my name to Kathleen M *Redacted Because I Don't Need Any Help Finding Crazy People*, thus saving the university THOUSANDS in ink costs over the next semester. But then I stopped and thought, well, that's kind of horrible. I love my middle name, even though it means my signature can never fit on a traditional line. I love that my mom felt like she wanted to name me after her mom. And I love that it shows up.

(Confirmation name: Elizabeth. There is a point.)

Whenever I think about marriage, I think about my grandmother. She and my grandfather probably didn't have a grand, passion-filled marriage (and if they did, I don't want to hear about it), but he cared for her for ten years, even after she stopped knowing who he was. (She still thought he was cute, though. It was pretty adorable.) I don't know that I'll ever find what they had, but at least I know what I'm looking for.

So Grandma, I love you and I miss you. And I forgive you for wallpapering the ceiling in the bathroom. Kind of.

Things I've Discovered Being in the Room While My Sister Watches Everwood

2010-01-13T21:54:00.004-06:00

-This is the craziest town in the world. No. Really. Take all the crazy people in your average mid-size city, such as, oh, I don't know, Denver. Stick them in two square miles and deprive them of Starbucks. Throw in a surprisingly non-racist grandma and more doctors than you can throw a stick at (And yet they all practice ALL kinds of medicine! Huh!), and let simmer for a few years.

-Honestly, there are too many doctors there. We're on the Marcia-Cross-guest-starring season, and my goodness, there are like ten of them.

-Statutory rape? Totally okay. As long as it's sensitive, she's-older-and-really-hot statutory rape.

-For being a supposed neurosurgeon, Dr. Brown is pretty damn thick when it comes to his kids. I mean, really. Ephram pretty much has the babysitter on the table and Delia is one, "I can't talk to you right now, honey, I'm sleeping with my frenemy's sister," away from joining a religious cult and committing suicide to meet Haley's comet.

- I am. So. Damn. Sick. of the willowy, sad girl with pursed lips and doe eyes being the epitome of beauty in this town.

- Any town, really. Have you people seen Gilmore Girls?

- God, I hate Rory Gilmore.

- Harold Abbot may be, I think, my favorite person in the world.

- I get that he's a fictional character.

- I can never watch Chuck again without seeing his sister raping a 16-year-old. Even if it an adorable 16-year-old who is surprisingly mature and looks like a baby Gary Sinise.

- She also looks much better, and significantly less slutty with dark hair than blond.

Oh! Oh! I can do that!

2010-01-12T20:44:00.005-06:00

Oh, internets. You know my undying dream is to become Queen of England. Honestly. I don't even think Prince William is that attractive, but dammit, I want to be Queen.

(What? You mean they aren't looking for an Irish-American Catholic who likes to swear?)

I can think of no better use for my background and work ethic. I can swivel my wrist and ramble about the dismantling of the empire. Other than that? Meh. I'm tired and want to take a nap.

(I'll bet there's lots of time for napping when there's a Regina after your name.)

Of course, I have watched any and all movies about the various monarchs of the realm, even if they are grossly inaccurate *cough*Braveheart*cough*. Of course, I went to see The Young Victoria. And other than the over-dramatic nature of it all and omg-Lord-Melbourne-wants-to-take-over-the-universe-and-probably-get-into-Victoria's-pants-too part and the completely fictional assassination attempt, I was, of course, able to geek out over it.

My favorite part, though, was the ending. It ended kind of right after Victoria and Albert's marriage, and at the end of the movie they had them cuddling and then the caption popped up on the screen that read, "Victoria and Albert had nine children. They form the ruling families of Britain, Russia, Norway, etc."

But they said it like it was supposed to be all heartwarming and their love! It spawned a generation! And don't you get all tingly just thinking about it? *swoon*

No. You get entangling alliances just thinking about it.

And their love? Their love did nothing. Their shared chromosomes spawned WWI, but that's about it.

Really. Think about any one of your first cousins. Now think about how screwed up your kids with that person would be. Think about it. Are you thinking about it? Now imagine that, times eight generations. And give them 25% of the world's population to play with. As my sister so eloquently put it, they'll play with it in all the wrong ways.

I think this is a point in my favor. Now, in addition to my biting wit and ability to deal with all sorts of awkward family situations, I bring the following to the table-

My family has never run India into the ground, destroyed the Austro-Hungarian Empire, wiped out a generation, brokered the most ridiculous peace treaty ever that did nothing except make the opposing sides so angry that it led to the murder of two out of three European Jews, or allowed for the rise of the Third Reich.

So, Your Majesty...I offer you (and your grandson) my daisy-fresh gene pool and totally unrelated-to-you-womb. And we don't swear that much. I promise. The womb hardly at all.

Now I think there are only two things (except for The Act of Settlement) standing in my way.

The first will be the awkward moment when I tell them oh, right! The wedding? Will be at a Catholic Church. And we're going to have a real priest. Not one of your fake ones. And the kids will be Catholic. But you're welcome to come!

Possibly worse will be when I inevitably spout off regarding Anglo-Irish relations. "I mean, honestly, Bloody Sunday? That was not cool, guys. Overall I approve, but whose idea was it to send in 1 Para? I mean...where are you going? I'm on your side! I promise! Why are you leaving?"

I can hardly wait.

Priceless

2010-01-11T21:41:00.002-06:00

We had the teaching Mass in confirmation tonight, and afterwards the teenagers were asked to fill out a form talking about their favorite parts, what they learned, what they'd change, etc.

(About the session. Not the Mass. That one is generally not open for 11th grade discussion.)

I was going through my group's papers at the end, and there seemed to be a theme. A good 80% of them wrote about the same thing for the most important part of the session. It wasn't about the presence of scripture in the liturgy, it wasn't about when you could wear pink...I'm sorry..."rose", it wasn't even that the pause after the "let us pray" is to actually, well, pray, which I didn't even know.

No. It was that vestments? Are really expensive.

Real presence of Christ in the Eucharist- meh, we've got it. That you can drop $1,500 on a chasuble? THAT is interesting.

Maybe it's a good thing they didn't distribute Communion.

Resolutions: Revisted

2010-01-10T19:24:00.002-06:00

I know I didn't really make any. But usually in early January I am struck with an incredible urge to do two things- pilates and organize things.

Now. Pilates. I think pilates is kind of a load of crap. Unless you do it for like three hours a day, but let's face it, unless you're Megan Fox, you probably don't have time for that. Really. The girl doesn't have anything else to do except practice her pout. She certainly doesn't eat. Meanwhile, I've been doing pilates for literally over a year and meh, I'm unimpressed. I don't think it's done anything.

Anywho. Pilates. Good for Megan Fox. Not for the rest of us.

Organizing tends to be a little bit more inclusive. I already ripped down the Christmas decorations with glee that would make Scrooge proud. I was foaming at the mouth as soon as the Epiphany came around. I've thrown away half-empty bottles of conditioner and moisturizer and probably some things that didn't belong to me, but whatever, they were in my way and if there's dust on the tube? Chances are you're not going to miss it. So. Gone.

This afternoon I worked in my office, which had become quite scary. I haven't been working down there because it's break, but I really do need to get restarted on this thesis thing. Also, being the basement, it's a good twenty degrees warmer than our living room, so it's quite a lovely place to spend time.

(I'M KIDDING. I'm glad I get to live here ~~for free~~.)

It was a little bit scary. When we put up the evil Christmas decorations, all the normal stuff was shoved down there (because I didn't want to come up with a better place for it.), and then when the semester ended I just kind of threw my bag down there and ignored the fact that sixteen weeks worth of notes about Jewish Wisconsin strewn across my desk was not going to be helpful in creating a good work environment. Friday was the last straw, when I realized that I needed a place to put all my National History Day paper/posterboard/judging files/whatever, I don't care, they're paying me. And no matter how much I loved the class, perhaps my notes on Jewish intermarriage could be put away.

I guess.

Anyway. There was no point to this story. Except that my office is now clean and shiny and perfectly organized and as soon as I get a new desk calendar I will have to begin searching for another reason to avoid writing about Nostra Aetate.

You're welcome.

2010-01-09T23:30:00.003-06:00

It's eleven-thirty. Do you know where your 22-year-old without a life is? Disinfecting the counter top and saving the household from H1N1.

Please. It's my pleasure.

But lo- that's not all I did tonight. I also emailed two professors. (Who I'm sure are going to get back to me, like, pronto, because they have nothing better to do with their lives. Or Saturday nights.) AND I scraped wax off of a plate.

Should your advent wreath ever, well, melt? All over the plate? Fear not. You can still celebrate the solemn-yet-hopeful liturgical season next year. Just soak the plate in hot water for a few minutes and the wax comes right off. News you can use.

Oh. Wow. I'm going to be a fantastic professor. Maybe I need to take a page from Annie's blog and go to ineedahusband.com. Because this is just sad.

I have entirely too much time on my hands.

2010-01-08T10:40:00.004-06:00

Scene: Kathleen's bedroom. 4:30 am.

Alarm: *goes off*

Good Kathleen: GOOD MORNING!!!

Bad Kathleen: Do not even start with me. *hits snooze*

4:40 am

Alarm: *goes off*

GK: GOO-

BK: I will cut you. *hits snooze*

5:00

Alarm: *goes off*

GK: Um...hi? I don't want to be rude, but we really need to get up now.

BK: Umfh.

GK: What was that? Was that, "of course, let me just turn on the light"?

BK: No. It was "it's warm and cozy and snuggly in here and I'm not leaving."

GK: Oh, fiddlesticks! We have things to do! And if you don't get up this second, there won't be enough time to do them!

BK: What could we possibly have to do at five am? Surely Johnny Depp did not decide to propose last night and is waiting in the driveway as we speak?

GK: No...I don't think so. And why would we want that? He smokes. And is probably a bad influence.

BK: You are so dumb.

GK: Anyway, we need to skedaddle.

BK: No, we don't. It's cold. And we're on winter break. Surely illegal episodes of Doctor Who can be watched at ten o'clock.

GK: We need to exercise!

BK: I don't like that.

GK: You like our clothes don't you?

BK: I'll buy new clothes.

GK: Not with our credit card, you won't.

BK: Whatever. That can be done later.

GK: No! We have important actually-leave-the-house things to do today!

BK: Like what? Again, illegal episodes on my laptop. Hell, we don't even need to shower.

GK: We have to go to UWM and make copies! Lots and lots of copies! And since we have to do that, we're going to Mass too!

BK: Oh, great joy. Can't you find a parish that's within the same frickin' county as us? And copies? Why the hell would I want to do that? I don't like going to campus in the snow. There's a snow emergency. We'll have to pay for parking. And also it's REALLY COLD OUTSIDE THIS BED SO LEAVE ME ALONE.

GK: Listen, missy. You know what you do like? Paying our bills. And going to Starbucks. And buying clothes that only fit because I make us work out. How are you supposed to do that if WE DON'T GO TO OUR JOB???

BK: But those women in the departmental office scare me. They're always asking if we're married or engaged.

GK: They should scare you. They're alone and bitter and angry and I will die before I let us turn into an archetypal female academic with ovaries as dry as books.

BK: I can't hear you over the warm snuggliness.

GK: Look. If you get up and work out and let us get going, I'll let you unlock the door to the office that isn't ours but we have a key to so it's kind of like ours, okay?

BK: You will?

GK: Yes, Bad Kathleen. I know how much you like that.

BK: I really do. *pause* Do I have to wash our hair?

GK: No. But you do have to shower.

BK: Can we get Starbucks?

GK: No.

BK: Why?

GK: Because I am also our voice of fiscal responsibility.

BK: Fine. But I'm not wearing heels.

GK: Yes, you certainly are, young lady. Where would we be without me?

BK: We'd be a lot more well-rested.

GK: I am so not being paid enough for this.

I have SOME standards.

2010-01-07T17:24:00.003-06:00

According to my site tracker, a bunch of people have found my blog by googling "Irish American", "alcohol poisoning", "Catholic drinking game", and (my favorite), "ecstasy and NyQuil". Or, occasionally, "ecstacy (sic) and NyQuil".

I feel the need to clarify a few things.

I am Irish American. (NOT a nationalist, however. I am firmly on the sit-down-and-shut-up side of the Troubles.) That didn't really need a disclaimer.

I have never had alcohol poisoning. Nor do I anticipate this occurring anytime soon.

I'm not sure what a Catholic drinking game is, but they ended up being sent to my post from Monday. So- in no way did I actually turn the archbishop's installation Mass into a drinking game. It was 1:30 in the afternoon. That's a real quick way to end up with the aforementioned alcohol poisoning.

I'm guessing ecstasy and NyQuil, even when spelled correctly, are a bad combination. I'm not a doctor. And I'll own it, I've never tried ecstasy. But I do have a lot of experience with NyQuil. And I'm thinking you need to just enjoy those two separately, okay?

I think that's all. I'm going to go back to constantly refreshing Marquette's application page now.