Watch as I wipe out half of my friends list.

Oh, internets. Do you remember this? And this? Yeah.

And remember that time when I SCREAMED ALL OVER THE INTERNET HOW MUCH I FREAKING HATE CARDINAL STRITCH UNIVERSITY BECAUSE THE HELL MAN? YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL?

(Oh right. That just happened.)

Anyway. I opened my e-mail this morning and discovered a message from the same woman with whom I have a very complicated relationship, detailed above. And here's what it said:

Hello Kathleen,

Just a gentle reminder. Please have UWM
submit your official bachelor’s degree-bearing transcript as soon as it is
available (which should be sometime in May). This document is to be
submitted to:

CARDINAL STRITCH'S ADDRESS YOU KNOW WHAT I'M NOT EVEN BEING COY
ANYMORE.

I hope all is going well with you Kathleen.

Oh. Goodness. So many thoughts.

Such as:

• Are you kidding me?
• "Gentle reminder"?
• Am I a five-year-old?
• Really? I'll have a bachelor's degree sometime in May? Thanks for clearing that up. I was a little bit confused.
• Honestly. You guys suck so much.
• You hope all is going well with me? Really? You do? You know what would have made things go better for me, Pat? BEING ACCEPTED TO MY SAFETY SCHOOL THAT'S WHAT.
• *deep breath*
• It's okay. I was accepted at a better school with a better package so you know what? You can keep your ridiculous application standards.
• Seriously. I am not the first college senior to apply to graduate school.
• I'm sure I have more to say, but I'm so mad I can't even think of them.
• I'm going to go eat a shamrock cookie.

That was my thought process.

(The cookie was good, fyi.)