Monday, June 30, 2008

Monday afternoon, tired.

Colleen and I were watching the Lifetime version of The Tenth Circle last weekend and were talking about how with every single Jodi Picoult novel the parents are all perfect and stepford-ish, at least until the obligatory reconciling sex scene, when they get all freaky and S&M and usually there is blood involved. We decided it was really only a plot point, because who wants a good dad?

I believed that until I realized that I've stalked something like 50% of this list. That picture of Robert Downey, Jr. is enough to make me go see Iron Man.

*Waits for the shouts of "I TOLD YOU!!!" from Imladris*

Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure that the woman who wrote it is a lesbian, because no way is Johnny Depp #6. Anthony Bourdain? Seriously?

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Rawr.

Oh, internets. I have hit a wall. I don't know if it's the Grandpa/hospital stress thing or because I woke up at 4:16 this morning and didn't really fall back asleep again, but it's only 6 o'clock and I would like to die. Right now.

Work this morning was not cool, y'all. Between the aformentioned me-> wall thing and the complete and utter lack of anyone of a customer variety, I spent most of the day draped dramatically over the counter, sighing loudly while Aaron laughed at me and said I looked like Scarlett O'Hara. This gave me a chance to say "Oh, Rhett!" in a southern accent, which I think we can all agree is always a damn good time.

We have Yorkshire meat pies. So despite the fact that now they make me think of Sweeney Todd ("Have a little priest!"), I am going to go eat them.

ETA: You know what wakes you up? Chasing a horse, that's what.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

It's official, I'm a masochist.

There's is this professor in the history department at school. She's really nice, sweet, young, etc. You can tell she loves what she does, and really does try to help students understand difficult concepts. Oh, and she's a ridiculously easy grader. Her tests are all term identification, and if you can make flashcards you can get an A. I see her all over the place, work, Starbucks, even getting a mammogram, and she always smiles kind of like she thinks she knows me but isn't sure. She sounds perfect, right?

Except for one thing- she's so boring that I often want to open a vein right there in class because watching myself exsanguinate seems more interesting than whatever she's droning on about.

I've taken two classes from her- my 1960s class and a cultural diversity one. Very few people can make LSD and orgies and EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED during the 1960s seems boring, but damn, she can do it.

Well, you ask, if you hated 1960s so much, why did you take the next class from her? Ah. Remember the grade thing? I needed a cultural diversity class and I needed an A. And we were signed up. It was during this class that I understood the true nature of her dullness- it was a straight lecture, no witty TA to act as a buffer as there had been with 1960s. To make matters worse, it was at the end of the day (read: I skipped half the classes and the other half were devoted to Facebooking). Thinking back on this class, I am filled with a sense of sick dread, such was the extent of the horror.

About an hour ago I was checking my e-mail and discovered one regarding my constitutional law class in the fall. It turns out that "due to unforeseen circumstances" the class has been turned into an online class. I took an online class last semester, and while it was not horrible, it wasn't great. I didn't learn as much as I would have in a lecture setting, and my grades were generally lower (although I still got an A). But more than that, if they offer this class as lecture again, I won't be able to take it. So I decided to find something else.

Because it's, oh, THE END OF JUNE, there are approximately three open classes at UWM, two are Jewish history (already have one this semester, and that's about all my shiksa ass wants to take)- but the last one, oh, the last one. It's American Constitutional Development, a 400-level history class. It's pretty much the same class, except it will count as advanced credit towards my major. It's even offered at exactly the same time as my previous con law class.

Sounds perfect, right?

Guess who's teaching it.

Yep. I will be taking a third class from the most boring professor I have encountered in the five years I've been taking college classes. THREE. T

I have had some amazing professors, professors who have inspired me, professors who probably could have smiled at me and I would have committed adultery with them RIGHT THERE (these are not all the same professor, just letting you know...), and yet I have NEVER TAKEN THREE CLASSES WITH THEM.

So fall semester- stay tuned.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Doctor Who= Love

Because my dad has recently discovered this show and it is now his favorite thing ever omg except for maybe my North and South DVDs and strapping mill owners, we watched the new episode this week. I haven't seen that many episodes since I saw my first one a couple months ago and decided that I should screw this history professor thing, clearly stalking David Tennant is my calling.

*ahem*

Anyways, my mind was completely blown and now I really really want the DVDs and why must they be so expensive, why God? why????

*sigh*

I clearly need the DVDs, too, because next week in honor of our nation's birthday there will be random Twilight Zone episodes rather than a new Doctor.

God, why couldn't we have just paid the damn tax? No, we had to get all high and mighty and revolutionary and throw their damn tea in the water. Well, Founding Fathers, now I'm paying for it and I AM NOT AMUSED.

Although as Colleen pointed out, if there was no United States I would probably still be in Ireland, most likely kicking it in Ulster trying to pick up somebody with an accent. Or tilling a field in Poland. I prefer the Ireland story. Especially since I'm pretty sure my mother's DNA would win out.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Lies. All lies.

Ha! You thought I was going to be uplifting and shallow today, didn't you? Pssh. N00b.

Nopes, today we're going to instead talk about gun control and how I am officially pissed off with this term. Gah. Seriously guys? SERIOUSLY??? Please, in the name of all that is holy, do better next year. Take a couple months. Regroup. Come back in October and BE NORMAL.

*ahem*

But lest you think I've done nothing today but cry bleeding heart tears until my emo eyeliner runs, I give you the box art for the CSI:NY Season 4 DVDs. This would not normally be notable, except that I feel I must comment upon the actual box art. And how they put Stella in the fugliest sunglasses on this planet, and apparently draped a pillow case over the camera when they were shooting Mac, because he looks about 35.

Anyhoodles, it's late and apparently I'm the only 20 year old on the planet who cannot function on four hours of sleep and stress. Good night!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

In which I rail on some of my favorite people ever omg, Supreme Court justices.

I was going to figure out something way more shallow and narcissistic to write about and then put this at the end, but it deserves to be first. Today, SCOTUS struck down the death penalty in child rape cases. And it's about damn time, frankly. Not that I, in any way, am coming down in favor of child rapists. I read the story about one of the two convicts that this ruling affects, and it was one of the saddest and most disgusting things I've ever seen. The fact that the children assaulted in these cases lived makes it actually more disturbing, in a weird twisted way.

But the idea that the United States, supposedly one of the most advanced and modern nations in the world, still makes a practice of executing maybe-not-as-innocent-as-previously-assumed people in horrific maybe-not-as-painless-as-previously-assumed ways is just as disgusting. We execute more people than Saudi Arabia. Only China and Iran are ahead of us. China and Iran. One is one the few remaining communist nations left in the world, and one is FREAKING IRAN. It is not a proud day when you realize that you're beating Saudi Arabia in human rights violations.

And it's not going to change- both the presidential candidates support capital punishment. The case today was decided 5-4, really white-knuckling it, and I'm not entirely sure that if it was a case involving a federal case or a murder that Kennedy would sway the same way. Especially because he kind of totally didn't two months ago.

But here's the thing that's really bothers me- every single justice in the minority is Catholic. I consider myself a pretty conservative Catholic (as do all four of the justices in the minority- and believe me, I've checked). My faith is incredibly important to me; since my early teens I've known that it is the single most grounding and important force within my life and that nothing I do on this earth will ever matter as much as that. I've been reading a lot about the Church and theology lately, and not only has it increased and strengthened my faith but it has made me realize that I do believe that it is possible to entertain, at least in theory, questions about the Church and her policies while still "towing the line" and fundamentally supporting it. (Like my views on homosexuality, which usually make my father go, "You've been indoctrinated!!!" and then leave the room. Yeah. It's always a good time.)

Let me first say that I am in favor of the separation of church and state- I really am. At the same time, I know that government, and the Supreme Court in particular, is composed of human beings. And I know that if I were on the Supreme Court (as much as I like to beat on judicial activism) I would not be able to leave this very integral part of me that just screams OMG DON'T KILL PEOPLE SRSLY at the door and be all, "Yep. State's rights."

Anyway, this was just supposed to be a link and a line of commentary, and it became an entire entry that took me an hour to write because I had to look up a bunch of crap (and check Facebook sixteen times...), and reading it again I realize that it's kind of less about the ruling (which I'm in favor of) and more about my general depression regarding the prospects of outlawing it.

I promise tomorrow will be more uplifting. Really!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Tales from the DMV

I was standing in line with John this afternoon, and there's this girl behind me with her toddler and boyfriend/significant other/baby daddy. She looked really young, but some people just look young. Then she gets on the phone with her friend and starts talking about how she needs a new ID card because she thinks she left hers in the bar last night- I know, I turn 21 and lose my ID the first night! Go me, right? (I was quoting there.) So after I stopped saying Hail Marys because I do not have a toddler running around screaming about yogurt (adorable, btw, but oh so much work), I was slightly amused. Finally, when she gets up to the window, the guy asks if she is renewing her drivers license or ID card and she goes, "*chuckles* Oh, ID card. My license is not valid right now."

Wow. Winner.

One link tonight- YES! YES! I have been waiting for eight years for this!!! And these were the ones that weren't shown on TV- pre-Ernie!!! I shall die with happiness.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Not as interesting a turn of events as planned.

Dear Imladris,

Um...I kind of sorta finished most of your Sally Lund bread. It's tasty? How did you make it so pleasingly doughy, but not annoyingly yeasty? You have quite the gift for breads, young lady.

Anyhoodles, I'm also going to totally need to use your elliptical machine now, as I feel like a beached whale. So yeah. Consider it payback for the last 18 years.

Bye!!!

Love,
Morena


*Then I read an nasty little wall mesage*

(I quote:)

"You. Me. Keelin. Movie on Friday. Would that work for you? You must see it."Great, because I didn't want to see it anyway, noob.Oh, and I'm going to sneak in your room tonight and take nasty pictures of YOUR pasty cellulite thighs and POST THEM ALL OVER FACEBOOK, OMG, HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW.
(End quote.)

Dear Imladris,

I ate your bread. I'm using your elliptical machine. You're taking John to drivers ed in the morning because all the eating and ellipitcaling will most likely tire me out.

And you know what??? IT'S OKAY. Because you've spent the last 18 years taking my stuff and wearing my clothes and stretching out my shoes and apparently wearing even my old underwear, which I don't remember but it doesn't surprise me given how cheap our parents are- frankly, I'm surprised that they had a second child because the first one was totally still good- and even, it appears, cuddling up in my bed with a 4-foot body pillow and DAMMIT YOU TOOK MY MOMMY.

*ahem*

And I totally meant you too for the movie. And I took down the embarrassing picture, which I totally didn't notice was embarrassing, and GET OFF MY BACK.

Have a good time at your bonfire.

Love,
Morena

Sunday, June 22, 2008

In which I critique members of the clergy.

So, Father Newbie. Seemed nice. With the exception of an improper use of "I" (but not glaring, because it was the kind that sounds better, such as "He was with {blank} and I," instead of the correct "He was with {blank} and me,", so I'll forgive him) and some awkward sentences that could have easily been rectified by moving the adverb around, his grammar was better than Father Ken's- his made me want to correct the Letter from the Pastor in red ink and nail it to the church door ala Martin Luther.

Brownie points for not freaking out royally when the chalice was messed up, as our previous pastor would have. And then he probably would have made sure we all knew why he was freaking out royally.

Also, supposedly he's "good with young people", which is one of those terms that makes me mad, like "Youth Mass" or "Youth day" or pretty much anything with "youth" in front of it. I am not a stupid teenager who needs poems and hymns and swaying and beer* and no actual doctrine to make me feel better about not having sex- and while we're there, stop pushing your damn chastity rings!

I'm pretty smart- I am not having a hormone-induced crisis of faith like the rest of my idiot generation, and even if I were I'm intelligent enough to figure it out on my own. And I don't need a ring to remind me not to have sex! I'll watch my virtue, you take care of yours, okay?

So stop talking down to me, or if you must at least do it in Latin.

*ahem*

But I won't hold that against him, because not everyone recoils at the thought of touch-feely faith-sharing like I do.

Really the only thing that I didn't like was that he's not Father Ken. Not really his fault, and I know it's stupid and childish but, dammit, he's not my priest. *stomps foot* I think it'll be awhile before I get over that.

*It's probably a good thing Grandpa doesn't come to this corner of the internet, because the very mentioning of beer may rekindle the Great Theology-On-Tap Crisis of '01, in which he almost single-handedly drove two different men of the cloth to abandon their vocations and take up drugs and women in Tijuana. Oh, it was a rocky summer.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Get Smart- Major Geekout

The movie? A. Mazing. So funny. Not nearly as stupid as I had anticipated.

I had forgotten most of the stuff from the show, but Oh! So funny when it happened!!!

My only complaint (other than the toilet humor, which could have been toned down a little) is that I'm exactly the wrong age to see this movie. I'm young enough that when I see Anne Hathaway I think Princess Diaries, and old enough that when I see Steve Carell I think The Office. And I do not need to see Michael Scott macking on Princess Mia.

Other than that? Perfect.

Friday, June 20, 2008

I have video links...

...but first I'd like to tell you that I spent all day today looking for a job even though I already have a perfectly good job that I intend on keeping until they make me leave, walked the entire distance of Cedarburg, went into several places because they made Colleen uncomfortable, and then sat in a closed car (there was a bee) in the 85 degree head while she spontaneously interviewed for another one.

This should give you a glimpse into our twisted relationship. Someday she'll come to me and be all, "Will you please kill my husband? He's bugging me." And I'll be all, "No, I don't want to. I'm tired." And then she'll pout and sit across from my computer and stare at me and say "Please?" in a whiny plaintive voice, and I'll finally sigh and go, "Okay. Fine. Do you have a gun or do I have to find one?" At which she'd probably tell me to bring one, because she didn't feel like finding hers that day or something.

ANYWAY.

After I got home from my own lovely job last night I was watching TV and eating tortilla chips for dinner because I have ridiculous tastes and no, I swear I'm not pregnant, when I see something so amazing that I'm still smiling about it, and it's been almost an entire day.

Cookie Monster on the Colbert Report. And I seriously died. Elmo drove him! Haha. And I just noticed that the doorbell was the "Sunny Day" song from the beginning! I loved the "Sunny Day" song!!!

He was on again at the end, which I thought was actually funnier. "Me think I hear Elmo honking!"

(It wasn't quite as funny as "I teach Sunday school, mother******.", which has to be my favorite moment from any TV show ever. But there was no Cookie Monster in that interview, though, sadly.) (Oh, yeah. John may not want to click on that.)

Oh, Cookie Monster. We did have some wild times in the '80s.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Oh the fangirly joy.

Three separate things tonight- two induced fangirly joy, and one made me want to ram my head into a door. But we'll just call it joy. I too can be an optimist. When I feel like it.

First- I read the Kit books today, because there is a movie coming out an clearly, I need to be up to date on my American Girl stories. Kit was right at the end of my involvement with the company, such that I have the doll but had only read half the stories and not more than once.(Unlike the Kirsten ones. Which I'm pretty sure I could recite if pressed to do so. I know my mom could.) So I read them all today and they're adorable. I mean, they couldn't not be, because they're written by the same woman who did Samantha and Felicity, but still.

I found it kind of amusing that hers is the only series with two parent who aren't off at war where they didn't have a baby halfway through. Not surprisingly, what with all the boarders and starvation and such.

So I shall go see the movie and squeal like a six-year-old, and all shall be right with the world.

(Not like last year. When they butchered Molly's tale. And made her Dad Jewish. Gah.)

***

I was stalking Stever Carell earlier today, because I think he's like the funniest thing ever omg, and came across this hi-larious video of him and Anne Hathaway interviewing each other.

I'd first like to point out the creepy esteem in which Anne holds him. It is weird. She pretty much took the job to follow him around. This is weird, but I find it oddly amusing. It's like if I decided to become an actress and only do movies in which Johnny Depp starred. Which actually makes a lot of sense, if you know me.

Second, the possibility of Stephen Colbert on The Office? Playing Gould? Of Jan Levinson-Gould?

*Mom may want to skip the next sentence, because this word upsets her. Even though Colleen says it like sixteen times a day, mostly just to annoy her I think because rarely does the conversation call for it, except maybe that one time when we were talking about that chicken sandwich, but I'm digressing...*

It would be like a fangirly comedy orgasm.

*Mom can come back now.*

Dear God. I would die. Seriously. I would geek out so hard. The building would have to be checked for structural issues. It would be approaching CSI crossover glee. Not quite, because I'm pretty sure that Gary Sinise would show up and say "Rot in hell, you son of a bitch," but damn, it would be close!!!

***

There's a book club at work that I mostly ignore because book clubs tend to piss me off in that they never actually read the books, just kind of ignore them and talk about their busy lives and sexless marriages and damn, does no one have anything to say about The Observations!?!?!

*ahem*

To illustrate my point, I was cleaning up while they were decided which book to "read" next, and somebody brought up Hanna's Daughters. And they all agreed and went happily on their way.

No. No. Hanna's Daughter's is one of those touch-feely "women's" books about mothers and daughters who are all pissed at each other because they had "issues" from "the past" that "can't be resolved" and despite they fact that they are otherwise psychologically healthy THEY NEVER TALK about anything and then somebody dies and thus it ends up being a mentally exhausting book where you get depressed at the end and then want to to call your mother and congratulate yourself for being so well adjusted.

Gah. Stupid women. Don't you want to read The Nine instead?!?!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Blurgh.

I have never seen the Pantheon. I know a lot about the Pantheon. I know that it was built in 125 AD by the Emperor Hadrian (Of wall fame...sorry. Little geek joke there.) as a temple for all the gods, and that it is actually the basis of the early Christian basilica plan, something we like to ignore because polytheism=icky. I know that the cool little carved out tiles on the dome are to relieve pressure because they hadn't quite figured out the whole important of the pointed arch in structural integrity yet, and that the oculus also serves this purpose but also lights the interior. Furthermore, I know that none of this would have been possible if the Romans hadn't figured out concrete, and then lost the recipe, thus damning the rest of the world to the Dark Ages for the next thousand years.

My cousin has seen it, and he has pictures, and now I have seen the pictures.

I believe this is when I started hitting him. Although that may have been at Bernini's baldacchino, actually.

That is all.

ETA: I just read this and it sounds bitter. I'm not bitter. I'm glad he had a great time, blah blah blah. I just REALLY WANT TO SEE THINGS AND NOT JUST LEARN ABOUT THEM.

Just one of the many benefits of the One True Church.

I read a book about the lives of the popes today, and my God, I do not know of any other group of so many crazy, murderous, simony-ing, concubining NON-PRIESTS (no, for reals, until like 1500 most of them weren't ordained), at least until about 1700 when they got their act together and from then on things were pretty good.

Anyway. This is something that you clearly need two thousand years of history to accomplish and the Protestants will never ever get to enjoy.

I was slightly amused and slightly riled by the fact that the author was practically canonizing John XXIII, but wasn't terribly impressed with John Paul II. John Paul II was the Pope from the time I was born until I was 17. As someone who came of age during the final years of his papacy and lived through his death and the subsequent outpouring of sympathy and love, this was such a foreign sentiment to me, and frankly, even taking into account the fact that he's now on his way to sainthood, uncalled for. I mean, the man did almost single-handedly fell communism. Reagan helped. A little.

Best part of all? Innocent III. Because clearly if you're going to know a pope, you should know Innocent III, am I right, Mary?

Monday, June 16, 2008

7 and 7

My mom has started drinking again. That sounded bad, in an Al-Anon way. Really way more innocent, it's just that after years of chemo and an unbelievable number of prescription drugs she realized that life without bourbon? Not so much with the "worth it".

In the '70s, when she was hanging with her ridiculously preppy crowd, she was quite fond of a combination of 7 Up and triple sec ETA: 7 Crown. I'm stupid, in a way that only Barry Manilow and Advil Cold and Sinus have been able to gain her fondness since. (I think my brother and sister and I come close. But I'm not sure. She loves the Manilow. She would leave my father to enter into a sexless union with him. Which is actually how I prefer to think of their union, but that's my perogative as a daughter.)

So when she started having drinks again, my dad would make those for her. Tonight, he made one that was too large. Being the lovingly frugal daughter that I am, I would hate to see a perfectly good drink go to waste, and offered to drink it, after it was strengthened somewhat because I am on no prescription drugs and don't like soda, so yeah, if you could make that taste go away, that'd be awesome.

And it is tasty. It is really too bad I'm the only lush in my group of friends (which in a weird twist of fate includes the daughter of one of the women who was also fond of the brown drink thrity years ago), because this could become a bonding experience. I'll give Keelin a couple of years. Then she needs to try this.

Shut up. I know I'm a corrupting influence.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Haha.

You're getting another one.

Because it's late and I've been drinking and I don't know who to vote for and I had a career crisis after people left and I'm pretty sure my mom is rethinking the whole rhythm method thing.

cat
more cat pictures

Friday, June 13, 2008

My mother is so proud.

Because despite the fact that she literally devoted her entire life to educating me and instilling an almost encyclopedic knowledge of the formation of our country and dragging me to Colonial Williamsburg like six times (all during inclement weather), when I watched the first part of the John Adams miniseries this afternoon the only thing I could think of was "Wow. This is like the seriously original Boston Legal!"

I'm kidding, of course.

Not entirely, because I did think that, right down the verbose closing argument and all they were lacking at the end was the little chat and cigar. I did enjoy it, quite a lot. Can't wait to see the rest of them.

And the attorney general was kind of hot.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I'm not terribly bright.

I never remember to post before going to work, and now I've been home for about an hour, watched TV, had dinner, waxed, and checked the internets and I really don't want to write anything, I just want to go to bed and watch Craig Ferguson. (Because tomorrow! I don't have to get up! The Empress is taking The Child to drivers ed! Yay!)

And besides, nothing happened today, except that it was Mary's birthday (yay! Happy Birthday!) and I had breakfast out (Yay! Potatoes!) and then I got a huge long splinter jammed underneath my fingernail and my mom had to pull it out while I looked away and hummed or something to take my mind of the icky grossness of pulling piece of wood from my nail bed (Ew. Gross.), and now it hurts like a bitch and I know why they do that bamboo shoot thing as torture.

So I think I'm going to go soak my finger in hydrogen peroxide (Also? Am paranoid by infections.) and listen to the Storms of the Apocalypse , which are apparently over Ozaukee Co. right about now!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Completely Underrated Screen Gems Edition

I have very little in my life, so today after I finished writing sonnets to my hair (which is still perfect and I really hope Johnny Depp decided to head north within the next day, because after I wash it it WILL NEVER LOOK THIS GOOD AGAIN) (speaking of Johnny Depp- and really, when are we not?- Hello, Johnny. My keyboard just shorted out, what with all the drool and so forth.), I needed something to watch.

And that brings me to quite possibly one of my favorite movies ever even though I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the entire world who will admit to this- Bewitched.

*looks around for disapproving glances*


Yes, the 2005 Nicole Kidman/Will Ferrell/Completely Random Steve Carell Before He Was Steve Carell version. I mean, my Lord, if Jon Stewart had shown up I probably could have stopped buying DVDs three years ago. As it is, I had to settle for his sidekick, but that's not really the point.

Oh, shut up. I like kitsch. Is that so bad? And Nicole Kidman has an Oscar. An ACADEMY AWARD, y'all. F'reals. And yeah, it was for the bleak and depressing and worthy The Hours, but does that mean I cannot enjoy her particular talent in a light romp about a witch? Playing a witch? Falling in love with Will Ferrell?

I think not, elitist pig.

I also remembered exactly how much I loved Nicole Kidman's wardrobe- it's pretty and feminine but not all annoying and pink. I absolutely loved it. I remember thinking how if I could find clothes like that my entire life would be amazing and there would be peace in the Middle East and India and Pakistan would learn a lesson from that beautiful-skirt-brokered peace and we could all join hands and sing.

*sigh*

And maybe then people would see the loveliness that is Bewitched.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I like to plan ahead.

I got my hair cut today, and I absolutely love it. This is good, as I had to not only max out my credit cards but leave a few pints of plasma and sign an affidavit handing over my firstborn to Erik of Norway.

Prices? They have gone up.

I love it so much that I have decided I want it to look like this when I defend my thesis. I should schedule a blow-out accordingly. Four years from now.

What? What? It is not a crime to plan early. I think it's smart.

I also discovered that despite the fact that I was taking the pictures, and it was even in black and white (makeup not working so much), I do not photograph well. My face is apparently a huge blob of fat on top of my neck. Not attractive. Finally, that mirror is distorted underneath the frame- while I am well-endowed, I do not have ginormous overweight-and-out-of-work porn-star boobs.

Just thought you should know.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Graduation Day

And I'm tired. The Imperial Graduation went well, the party went well, and people just left. I'm going to bed. There will be eleventy jillion pictures tomorrow, along with a diatribe about how the different colored hoods for various advanced degrees are pretty much my intellectual wet dream. Yeah. You probably didn't need to know that.

Weekly kitty.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Darwin can go screw himself.

Dear Evolution,

I don't know if maybe you didn't notice, what with being a hypothesis and all, but we're in the modern era. Paleozoic, Bronze, Gold, Iron Ages- been there, done that. In fact, one might argue that we're in the Post-Modern era, even! Imagine that. Big cities, healthcare, upward mobility, no longer grooming each other like apes. Yes, you've really done a good job.

Just one teensy little thing- I live in a city now, in a house. I work in a climate-controlled indoor environment. Rarely do things fall into my face that are harmful to me. So my eyebrows? Not so important. Is there some super special reason that they didn't fall off like tails after we no longer really needed them? Or is it just to piss me off?

Because today when I have sixteen thousand things to do for someone else's party (The Someone Else? Cleaned a shower. Not the showers. A shower.) and also need to do my own hair because my loser-ass stylist is "sick" after a two week vacation (Uh-huh. Sure she is.) thus leaving me to deal with my horribly overgrown split ends that were supposed to be remedied, I really, REALLY don't need to shape my eyebrows as well.

But obviously you felt differently, Evolution. Because I had to waste twenty perfectly good minutes doing so while the floors were drying.

I hope you're happy.

Sincerely,
Morena

Friday, June 06, 2008

It's no chicken sandwich.

I do not like this summer thing. This? Was me today.

Oh, it was not good. Did have a lovely time with the Empress, flush with her success of completing her government mandated education, and Mary, who was just along for the ride. Then we got caught in a tornado and had to wait it out at Mary's, where we learned some interesting things about some people's fondness for football players.

There were photographs. It was good.

One more thing, because I saw this a few days ago, and I laughed, like, a lot. I'd love it if Salman Rushdie would show up at my gynecologist's office!!! Dude, I might go more often if I could meet literary illuminati and get a Pap smear!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

My kids are going to subsist on takout. Which will be promptly thrown away.

Here at Chez Morena there are massive preparations going on in order to celebrate the Empress' imperial graduation this weekend. We're having a real party with real people who aren't Mickey and haven't already seen us drunk, crying, and screaming (sometimes all at once!), I guess that means even things like the fridge have to be cleaned, which is what I did today. Because what if someone happened to be standing in the kitchen when we opened it and got a glimpse of a crumb! On the shelf! THEN WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF US!?!?

And dear Lord, that maid I'm going to have? Because I dislike bathrooms and floors and vacuuming and so forth? Must do fridges too.

It was worse than crumbs. It was weird drippy weirdness. I'd like to know what engineering genius decided that the bottom shelf the fridge should have a little open thing on the back so that if you inadvertently spill like orange juice or something? Even though you wiped it off the shelf, it will still be on the bottom of the drawers. Because they should be shot.

Grrr. Tomorrow I'm doing the floor. I'm looking forward to it.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Politics

So, as of last night, Obama is the presumtive Democratic nominee. *Watches as my entire dumb-ass generation gets drunk in celebration*


Of course, Hillary hasn't done anything ridiculous like concede or anything, because she wants all of her supporters to be "heard". Um. Yeah. Does she realize that she's in the exact same party as Obama, and her supporters will have just as much chance to vote in the general election as his?


God, that woman annoys me. But more importantly, she annoys Jon Stewart, thus making the Daily Show so much funnier. After she's dragged kicking and screaming off the ideological stage, the show will be less funny. And that makes me a little bit sad.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Apropos of Nothing

Yesterday my National Gallery daily calander was a Paul Klee. Meh. I don't like Paul Klee. This one in particular bugs me, because a sailboat? In weird pseudo-pointalist primary colors? What?

Generally I'm not too fond of the whole surrealist movement because frankly I think if they had just stayed with expressionism (It's like impressionism! For people who like their art not on umbrellas!) we all would have been a lot happier and would never have had to deal with the "art" that is Duchamp's The Fountain. Oh, shut up, I know that the point of that was to prove that anything can be art even stuff that's not art and ow, my head hurts and I don't care a urinal turned upside down is NOT ART.

I don't hate Paul Klee. Not as much as I hate Dali. I really, really dislike the bendy clocks. They tend to piss me off something fierce. Why are the clocks bendy? I get a desert feel everytime I look at it, but it's not really a desert is it? There's a huge body of water or something at the top. Gah. What does it all mean!?!?!

Urgh. This is why I much prefer art pre-1700. Easy to understand. The subject? Always a Bible story, lovingly purchased with money from the Inquisition by benevolent Mother Church to prevent the poor illiterate fools from burning in hell for all eternity. A woman? Probably Mary. Unless she looked like a slut, in which case it was Mary Magdalene. Chances are there is a crucifixion going on, and if you're too stupid to understand the crucifixion, you're probably too stupid to be saved anyway.

Oddly enough, I am not repulsed by Mark Rothko, although logically if upturned urinals piss me off, blocks of random color should really make me mad. But they don't. They're kind of pretty. And very simple. Like they would look good in a living room. (Not mine, because I just visibly winced when I bought a latte, but maybe someone's.) And I do feel badly that he killed himself.

Wow. I really meant to just write one sentance about how I hate Paul Klee. Now you have my feelings on all modern art. Anyway, my page-a-day today was Cezanne. Meh. I don't much like the impressionists, and he was tail-end impressionist, but that's a story for another day. It's better than Klee.

Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you the story about how I was watching CSPAN (shut up) and Tony Blair made a joke about desiring the French PM in many positions. It was funny.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Moving On

Was that an All-American Rejects song? No. Wait. That was "Move Along". Huh. Sounds kind of the same.

Oh. I'm sorry. That probably wasn't terribly interesting for anyone not in my head.

It's GRE week, and unlike last weeks LSAT depression and dear God, no, I don't know what order Bill, Fanny, Carol, and Tim will be in if Bill jumps off a bridge six places before Carol, who has to go after Fanny, but Tim sits out, it wasn't terrible.

Except the verbal part absolutely astounded me. I've taken many, many standardized tests, and I have never once had to even think about an answer I gave on a verbal/reading comprehension thing. But these were hard. There were vocab words I had never even heard of. I'm actually going to have to read the section, which annoys me to no end because English is usually my ace in the hole.

Math wasn't too bad, either. Just some minor review and a lot of practice and I should be okay. This is a good thing, as this is the actual test I'm going to have to take. I still haven't actually decided yet, but I'm thinking suicide is not a viable career goal.

*sigh*

Sunday, June 01, 2008

I am dying with happiness.

I freaking love the TLC show What Not To Wear. I don't care that the guy is gay and the woman is kind of mean, I want them to get married and come help me buy clothing. This show, and I don't want to oversell it, is the greatest thing to come from cable TV since...oh...ever. I don't like the last half, but the first half hour when they take fat girls and thenc ome rescue them while they're shopping? LOVE.

Anyhoodles, imagine my glee when I discovered that there was a bridal What Not To Wear, where they help three women find wedding dresses.

I almost died from happiness. And it's on RIGHT NOW.