Monday, June 27, 2005

The Karavan (The Boat Story, Part II)

Ah, yes, the familial odyssey that began with a seemingly innocent trip up north has now ended with the purchase of a trailer. (FYI, you can find the original post at this link: ).

If you don't want to read it, although I don't know why you wouldn't- I worked hard on it and it's quite amusing and all completely true, but whatever, I'll just give you a little backstory to get you up to speed. I was dragged out of bed at some ungodly hour of the morning on a Saturday to drive four hours to get spider eggs in my hair trying to put a boat that had been moved last a full ten years before President Reagan had urged Mr. Gorbachev to tear down that wall (in fact, he wasn't even President Reagan yet- he was just normal Reagan, that B-list actor who somehow is running California) on top of my car. Yeah, not fun. Did I mention it was pouring???

Anyhoodles, we actually accomplished this little task, and got the thing home where its been languishing in the backyard (looking oh so lovely...) for the past three months. Well, that's not entirely true. First of all, it has been moved. I demanded that for my Confirmation. And secondly my father and brother have been working quite hard on getting it ready for the past month. I don't actually know what they were doing, as I try to stay inside at all times and definately avoid doing anything that looks like work with a saw and/or other sharp instruments. Although I don't really think the twelve-year-old should be doing that either, but nobody asked me. But apparently they've cleaned it up and put in new seats (probably good, because I think the old ones dissolved several years before I was born) among other things, I'm sure, because they've been out there every nice night for a month and that doesn't seem like a lot to accomplish.

Anyway, while they were out there sawing away, my mom and sister and I would sit inside and laugh during commercial breaks about how they were doing all this work for that damn boat and they apparently hadn't realized yet that they had NO WAY to get it anywhere where it could conceivably float (I use that term loosely).

Well, last weekend, I guess they figured it out. Because on Saturday my dad comes in (from doing, what else, stuff with the boat) and says that he's going to go buy a trailer. Well, actually, he said "Go look for a trailer", which led me to believe that I wouldn't actually have to deal with this for a while. Because seriously, when somebody in my family starts to do something, it'll be another ten years before anything is actually accomplished. Certian members have been saying "When things settle down" since I was three. I'm not sure what's so worked up that fifteen years can't calm down.

(Of course, then there are the other members who when you offhandedly say "I'd like to got to DisneyWorld sometime" will hang up immediately and call back in half an hour with the news that you're booked at the Contemporary for the second week in December, with reservations at Victoria and Alberts for that Wednesday, hope you can get out of school!!! ;))

To my relief, I had to go to a wedding that afternoon, and could not accomany the family on this particular outing. Although Daddy did offer to drop me off...with the condition that there may be a trailer attached to the back of the car. Uh-huh. I put the kibash on that baby quickly enough. Like I don't have few enough friends already.

So I left, assuming that this would be an exploratory trip, much like those ones to the RV show that never actually resulted in coming home with a double wide. Not so. I get home, and innocently pull in the driveway, and what is greeting me than a grinning little brother standing proudly next to a rather obnoxiously-colored trailer sitting on my back lawn aptly called "The Karavan". Now, I know it's a brand name, but who the hell decided it was a good idea? Couldn't it be like "Smith Trailers" or something that isn't so cute it makes one want to throw up???

And it's all set up. So the "boat" can be fully operational as soon as they get it over to the little river. In an effort to keep my sister from having to drop out of school in shame, they agreed to use a smaller one in the woods as opposed to the river right next to the high school. I think it was quite nice of them. :p

Of course, this thing still looks like it would sink in a bathtub. And there's no motor, so they'll be paddling wherever they want to go (I think the decision to change rivers was more due to the fact that there's a waterfall in the bigger one than my sister's social situation...), which would almost be worth going along to see. :) Almost.

So I'm sure there will be a part three to this fun story, when they discover that this stinkin little boat has a hole that they missed or something and that the actual floating boat that we have sitting right in the friggin' driveway is way better, but I digress. You know it's going to be interesting!!!

Lumpy Pudding

I'm a smart girl.
I can drive without hitting anything.
I know all the declensions in Latin (well, okay, I'm totally good on the first three, and kind of fuzzy on the last two, but that's irrelevant. I know them).
I've been in college for two years.
I've read War and Peace and Hamlet and the Iliad and Wuthering Heights.
I can name any Josh Groban song after hearing the first three notes (except Si Volverias A Mi and My Confession...those sound amazingly similar until you realize that one is in Spanish and one's in English).
I know every single Johnny Depp movie ever made.
And I'm really good at European history and current events (too bad I don't live there-I'd be all set.)

So why is it that try as hard as I might, I cannot possibly make pudding without lumps??? It's not rocket science- the little recipe is right there on the damn box!!!! But my pudding never turns out smooth. Life's not fair.

Friday, June 24, 2005

Tom and Will

Tom, Tom, Tom...use your words, Tom!!! Yes, it's true. Tom Cruise has stopped saying mean things about Brooke Shields (you ever created life, Tom? Hmmm???) and has moved on to yelling at Matt Lauer for no apparent reason. Is he trying to lose any an all reputation which he may have held at one point??? Anyhoo, I'll bet Matt is scared. Even though Tom's a little bit crazy, he could still take on (and beat) Matt and his gay little haircut.

And the future father of my children, also known as Prince William, graduated from St. Andrews this week. With a masters. And honors. But, really, were they going to let the future king graduate without one of those cute little cords??? I highly doubt it. And in geography, no less. Do monarchs really need that anymore? "I think I want to take over Poland- that's east of us." "No, Wills, you can't do that anymore." I'm just seeing a lot of frustration here. Maybe English or literature would have been a better choice. Anyhoo, congratulations, honey!!! :) Well, now that he's not in school anymore, clearly that thing with Kate Middleton is going to disappear. I hope.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

All the News That's Fit to Print

My little sister is bogarting the Sims, my mom took the car to go to a doctor's appointment (selfish...), so you're getting an update. Surprisingly, not to go on and on about Christian Bale...

Tonight on CBS is AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes. Which I think is kind of a silly title, because the first actually quotable movie (if you don't count those dizzying cards that they stuck in silent movies) was in 1927 (The Jazz Singer). And even that, they sang most the the dialogue, there were only like two quotable lines. And it's not 2027, yet, is it? Therefore, it cannot be 100 years. But whatever. Pierce Brosnan is hosting, undoubtedly so he can be on hand to say "Bond. James Bond." And, because I'm a crazy, I decided to download the 400 finalists and read all of them. I actually stopped paying attention around 268, I think.

The list was pretty typical. Casablanca had seven quotes, that god-awful Wizard of Oz had six (*gag*), and Gone With the Wind had five. There were the obligitory "E.T. Phone Home", "Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates..." from Forrest Gump, and the "I want what she's having" from When Harry Met Sally. The Godfather trilogy had seven among them, but Lord of the Rings only had one, "My precious." Bummer. Love those movies. Star Wars had four, including one from Yoda, and one from Obi-Wan...unfortunately, the old geezer Obi-Wan, and not the Screw-the-Jedi-order-take-me-NOW!!! Obi-Wan...but whatever.

A couple that really made me happy to see was the one about stopping to notice the world or something from Ferris Bueller's Day off (love that movie), the traditional Fight Club quote,"Snap out of it" from Moonstruck, "I was born a poor black boy..." from The Jerk, and that carpe diem one form Dead Poet's Society. Oh, and "Stella!!!" from Streetcar Named Desire, which I can't say anymore without going "STEWWWAAA!!!", and *tear* "I'm king of the world!" from Titanic. Oh Jack... Oh, and there was one from Die Hard...but I can't reprint it here...

But the best two were from Rebecca ("Last night I dreamt I was at Manderley again..."), and (drum roll, please) DONNIE BRASCO!!!! Johnny made the list!!!! I mean, it was just the little "Forget about it line", but it's still pretty cool!!! Although why Airplane got two and The Sound of Music didn't get any, I'll never know. Anyhoo, it'll be cool to see what actually makes the top one hundred. I think it starts at seven central if anybody wants to watch it.

If you have an hour to kill, you can get the list of the four hundred finalists at this address:

In other news, Josh was on American Dad on Sunday. Honestly, I watched that thing twice, and I couldn't figure out which one he was. The general consensus was that he was the whiny parishioner at the end, but it totally doesn't sound like him. Anyhoo, this appearence caused all of the older, grandmotherly type Grobanites to get their panties in a bunch because of the content matter. Now, this is American Dad. The sister show of Family Guy. As in, the show that FOX kicked off the air because it was too inappropriate. Yes, the network that brought you Monica Lewinsky in "Mr. Personality". You know it's not going to be family hour (which is why I had to tape it...grrr.) I'm pretty conservative, and get offended pretty easily, but I honestly didn't think this was that awful a show. I mean, I certainly wouldn't watch it again, and it wasn't bringing me closer to God, and it wasn't funny at all, but it was just stupid, adolescent boy "humor". And that wasn't really the devil that everybody was getting so worked up about, it was supposed to be Karl Rove. So yeah, kind of offensive, and just plain stupid, but it didn't poison my mind or anything like that.

Yetserday in Hollywood, a crazy woman smashed Leonardo DiCaprio over the head with a wine bottle and caused him to have twelve stiches on the side of his face. Maybe she just wanted the two hours of her life that she spent seeing The Beach back...

Today Bennifer II are vehemently denying that they were married over the weekend. Whew. And I was worried that my gift wouldn't arrive on time. Why do we care so much!?!?!? And, by the way, would it be such a bad thing if you married the guy who got you pregnant? I don't think so...

And on the TomKat front, it was reported on that Katie Holmes wasn't picked up to be in the Batman sequel. Sadness. Her immense acting ability was just astounding. I'll be so sad not to see her again. *rolls eyes* See Katie, this is what happens when you go on Letterman and promote SOMEBODY ELSE'S movie!!!! Sheesh...

On the same note, Tom is reportedly trying to prosecute the guys who sprayed him on the red carpet last weekend. If he can stop jumping on the couch long enough to call his lawyer.

And finally, I saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith this weekend with my sister and friend. Super good movie. Vince Vaughn is absolutely hilarious ("Mom! We're on high alert here! I almost killed you just then!"), and Brad Pitt is actually kind of good playing the one character he knows how to. A slightly funny, incredibly good-looking, irreverent guy who either beats people up or shoots a gun. Think about it. Fight Club? Ocean's Eleven? Ocean's Twelve? Thelma and Louise? All the same. And I don't know and/or really care if he and Angelina are having an affair, but they definately had chemistry. Because neither of them is that great an actor, and they sizzled on screen. A little bit more raunchy that a PG-13 movie maybe should have been, but it was still really good. Go see it!!!

Whew...long post. Tired now. Maybe I'll go sleep. Or pry the laptop out of my sister's hands.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Holy hottness, Batman!!!

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Am I the only one who thinks that little mole on his neck is adorable? Like really, REALLY hot  adorable??? *ahem* I'm going to go have a happy party in my head... ;)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Stuff I Love this Week

A random list of things that have caught my attention this week.

Batman Begins- Even if watching two and a half hours of Liam Neeson's Himalayan House of Crazy doesn't sound like a good thing, go. Because you'll be watching two and a half hours of Christian Bale in Liam Neeson's Himalayan House of Crazy!!! And that, clearly, is worth almsot anything. (FYI, this is not the Christian that was arrested in New York for groping some woman. I just figured that out. Whew.)

X and Y, Coldplay- To be honest, I only bought this because it was on sale and I like saying I listen to Coldplay. Well, that and all the radio station I listen to will play is Speed of Sound. I guess the DJ has gotten over his Ashley Simpson fetish---all we heard for a good two weeks was Pieces of Me. Shivers. Anyhoo, this is a fantastic album, I love almost every song on it, which is a distinction only Josh Groban can claim. And then only his album Closer. I'm very picky. Whatever. Fix You and A Message are particularly good.

Frasier on DVD- The best sitcom of the nineties (yes, it was better than Friends. Just with less attractive people.) released its fifth season last Tuesday. This is the season where Roz has Alice, which is so adorable. While you're at it, go buy seasons one through four and eleven, too. Seriously, it's only going to run you around a hundred fifty. And they're hilarious!!

C'est la Vie, by Suzy Gershwin- Continuing with my travelogue phase, I finished this book early this week. It's about a woman from Connecticut who planned on living in Paris with her husband. Except her husband gets terminal cancer and dies. Bummer. But Suzy decided to go and live in Paris anyway, and then wrote this book. It's really good, as long as you skip the part about the Count of Monte Cristo, her quasi-boyfriend (ewww),

Josh on "American Dad"- Yes, my beloved Joshie is doing a Father's Day spot on the sister show of Family Guy. Otherwise known as the show even FOX thought was too inappropriate to be on the air. And remember, FOX is the network that brought you Monica Lewinsky in "Mr. Personality". Scary thought. Of course, I'll be watching. I'm such a puppet.

Bubble wrap- you can find it here ( More fun that you'll want to admit.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes engaged- Part of me wants to go "You go!", because a guy I like is finally engaged to a woman close to my age, but a bigger part of me regrets that Tom Cruise will never, ever have any respect again. Mostly I just hate Katie Holmes,though. (See Batman Begins entry for further detail.)

People's 50 Hottest Bachelors issue- I mean, I'd be more thrilled if they had included hot guys like Gerard Butler instead of more of Orlando Bloom and Colin Farrell. And Johnny Depp. I mean, clearly, bachelor means not married. And as he doesn't love that woman enough to marry her, he is definatly one of the hottest bachelors. I did find my fallback soulmate though, in case this thing with Josh or Johnny doesn't work out. The co-founder of Google. Worth four billion. I just feel like we have a connection... ;)

Anna Karenina???

I'm a nineteenth century Russian adultress??? That's disturbing...

Anna Karenina. Elegant, beautiful, and socially adept, you find it easy to be the center of attention in any social group. You've had a life of ease -- but you">
You're Anna Karenina. Elegant, beautiful, and
socially adept, you find it easy to be the
center of attention in any social group.
You've had a life of ease -- but you're
confused and anguished about your love life.
Your cool demeanor is really a front for the
insecurity you feel. Depression and paranoia
might be lying underneath your polished

What Character from Literature Are You?
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Friday, June 17, 2005

Movies of Note

In the last week, I've seen four movies, which is a lot, even for me. But three were on DVD, so it's not like it was super-expensive or anything. Well, I did shell out $8.75 last night for a movie ticket- one stinkin' movie ticket. What's up with that??? Okay, sounding a little bit too much like my grandfather here... (Love to Grandpa, you don't really sound like that. Or read this, so why am I doing this???) Anyhoo, these movies had absolutely nothing to do with each other, totally different in fact. One was an action/adventure quasi-comic book film, one was a tear-jerker drama, one was a musical with dancing Nazi's (didn't see that one coming, did you?), and one was...well, I guess it was a comedy, but it was pretty much just strange. But I absolutely loved all of them, so I'm going to write about them. K?

The Sound of Music- I watched this with my sister last Saturday, and it was so much fun. I hadn't seen it in like eight or nine years, but really, does anybody in this country not know the story? I guess my parents hate this movie, which is totally hard to do, because it's so sweet, because they never showed it to us. But whenever my dad's parents would babysit for us (which was all of like, four times) they would put this on. In retrospect, it was probably because it's a three hour movie and they didn't like us much. Whatever. This is pretty much my only memory of them. Which is kind of sad when you think about it.

But I loved it. So great. And sister had the entire movie chronicled with her favorite parts. I don't remember what was the first thing---oh,yeah, the "Reverend Mother, I have sinned." So funny. We watched the part where Leisl goes "Whee" in slow motion for like ten minutes...hehehe. And that little Hitler Youth guy is so funny, and so dumb. He and Leisl would be a perfect match- they're both dumb as bricks. As Colleen said, "Somewhere, Dr. Mengela is going "Damn, that's aryan!"Hehehe... Stupid people are funny!!

But my favorite part is where Captain von Trapp goes and finds Maria in the woods and they hug and kiss and dance and sing and he touches her nose in the middle of a verse (I think this was number six on the list). Their entire relationship had consisted of him whistling at her and ogling another woman, and all of a sudden they're meant for each other??? Sheesh. Ooh, and as soon as Maria gets married she starts wearing plunging necklines. See? Even nuns in Austria need guy's approval. It's universal.

Just one more---when Maria's in the Reverend Mother's office and she goes "I don't know how he feels" or something, and the Reverend Mother freaks out and makes the other little nun leave, and you can totally tell the little nun is like "A guy!?!?!? No, let me stay!!!!!" Another universal trait- all women are gossip mongers.

hehehe... I want to go to Austria to be a nanny. ;)

Batman Begins- I hate Batman. And I hate comic-book movies. And I really hate missing ER. But, for some reason, I decided to go see Batman Begins with my family last night. And...I was totally surprised. It was really great! I mean, Batman was hot, so that was good, but it was a really good movie. It was very dark, but not in a campy, dreary way, which made it bearable for those of us who hate comic-books movies.

And that Dr. Crane was hilarious- not intentionally, of course. He looked way too much like a WB poster boy (you know, the ones who look over their shoulders moodily in the commercials with that chick from Everwood...) and I sincerely doubt that he was a 'he' on his birthd certificate. Why can't I have cheekbones like that???

Katie Holmes was getting a little bit annoying, though. She was so perfect. That could be because I hate her for marrying Tom Cruise. Whatever.

Forrest Gump- I actually saw this movie when I was about seven, on TV at my cousins house in Kentucky. See, it was one of those week-long family get-togethers where by the second day everybody is pretty sick of each other, espeically the kids. So Maggie, who is a couple of years older than me, was watching it, and I decided to join her. Honestly, I don't remember anything about it except that naked woman singing behind a guitar. (FYI, she was actually wearing a thong, but I don't think that my seven-year-old brain comprehended that.)

So I rented it this week, and was happy to find out that Gary Sinise (my beloved Mac from CSI:NY) was in it. I love Mac. He's so sweet. Awww...until I saw the New Year's Eve scene, after which I had to pause the DVD and go clean out my eyes with soap. Yeah...

Anyhoo, it was so sweet. I cried so hard at the end. And it's got a little Haley Joel Osmont or whatever the heck his name is in it---doesn't get much better!!! He's so cute!!! I want to have a little boy that looks just like him...and I don't even want boys. That's how cute I think he is. :) You should get it immediately. Just fast forward through the part with the principal, and New Years. Because they're just nasty. The last scene is so precious, though. I'm crying just thinking about it!!! *tear*

Napoleon Dynamite- One word: Lafawnda. 'nuf said.

Graduation, Part 2

Sorry it's been so long- my mother has decided that the only comfortable place for her to sit is the chair in front of the computor, where she has been parked for over a day. Not that I begrudge her that, because the poor woman can hardly move, but I didn't feel like dragging the phone cord across the room to reach the laptop. So I just waited until she had some place to be...I'm so lazy, I know...

Oooh, one little thing before I go on- Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes on top of the Eiffel Tower today...with a rock roughly the size of the United Kingdom. I'd be really happy, because she's way closer to my age than anyone else who is with guys I like, but he have her convert to Scientology, which I don't approve of if you're already Catholic. And why does he have to yell at Brooke Shields??? I mean, yes, the woman did date Michael Jackson, so she's kind of predisposed to craziness, but come on- have you ever had post-partum depression, Tom? Hmmm?

Anyhoodles, moving on to the subject at hand. My cousin graduated from high school on Sunday. I actually found an outfit to wear, unlike the ill-fated sweater set that was so sheer you could actually see skin color through it, and was quite comfortable with how I looked. We had gotten there super early, so we were at least able to sit in the lowest floor part of the bleachers, and they even had water outside in a vending machine, so I was thinking this was going to be quite cool and comfy. Until everybody and their grandmother (literally) started pouring in. And they ran out of water---I felt really badly for this young woman ahead of me who was carrying this little baby girl, and they both looked dehydrated.

Once the ceremony started, things were just suffocatingly warm. And it was depressing, because every single girl was tall, thin, and gorgeous. With perfect hair. Seriously, there wasn't a dog in the bunch. And given the fact that it had to be close to a hundred degrees in there and really high humidity, I wanted to know what they were using to keep their hair so perfectly smooth and silky. Grrr.

The actual ceremony was only about two hours, and with the exceptions of the long-winded and often confusing Emily and Emily speech, and the principal rambling on in a slow I-had-to-become-and-educator-because-what-the-hell-else-would-I-do-with-this-voice monotone about the war in Afghanistan and Iraq for no apparently reason, was reletively painless. And I got to see my cousin get his diploma, which was really cool. He looked so happy too.

But it also made me kind of sad, because I'm never going to have that. I'm never going to get a diploma or throw that little hat thingy (I can't spell the name, sorry!!) in the air with my friends. A couple of months ago my mom said that the only thing she regretted for me was the loss of a two hour period in my life- high school graduation. At the time, I kind of rolled my eyes and said that I wouldn't really care to spend my weekend sititng in a stifling gym with a bunch of people I didn't like in the first place. I still feel that way mostly, but it looked like Sean was having so much fun.

I don't regret the choices I made regarding my education in the least. I love the way my life turned out, and I get kind of upset when I realize that I'm going to have to leave the university I go to in a year (yeah, well, they don't know that. I kind of led them to belive that I'd be going there for the undergrad degree...oops...). And I know that I would be absolutely miserable if I went back to that kind of life...I couldn't do it as a freshman, I know I wouldn't be able to handle it as a senior. But there are some times when I'm faced with a bunch of people having a happy, normal life and it kind of hits me that I'll never have that, ever.

But whatever, I'm further ahead then they are, right? I don't have to worry about going to college, because for the last three years I've been living it. Although nobody seems to realize that. I was talking to my advisor about a month ago, and she suggested that next summer I sigh up for a campus tour. (Remember, she thinks I'm going there for good.) What? A campus tour? I will have spent three years of life there! I don't need a tour!!! I know the whole damn campus from last spring when I spent the whole sememester dodging Stalker Boy. Let me tell you, I've never ran into so many ladies rooms in my life!!!! :)

Friday, June 10, 2005


My cousin is graduating from high school this weekend---which is a totally good thing, don't get me wrong. And I'm thrilled to death that I get to be there with him and everything, but it's going to be like hell (literally).

The auditorium was too small for the whole graduating class and their families, so they moved the graduation to the field house. Okay, I thought, that'll be fine---probably more room in there anyway. But there are no seats- just bleachers. I have to sit on bleachers for three hours with everybody and their grandma (literally) in a skirt. For three hours. On bleachers!!! But it's okay, I love my cousin, and it'll be fine.

Then my aunt calls yesterday. Guess what? The field house isn't air conditioned. And it's supposed to be eighty-five degrees. Hmmm. And you know that with that many people all in the same space it's going to be killer hot. What the hell does one wear to a three hour graduation when you have to sit on bleachers without air conditioning?!?!?! I supposed underwear would be inappropriate???

So now I have to find something to wear. I spent the whole morning looking through my closet and trying desperatly to find something cool to wear. I don't like my arms or my legs, and prefer that they are covered at all times---this makes finding summer formal wear slightly difficult. I have a skirt that's really cute, but I don't have anything cool enough to wear on top. Or I could wear one of my ponchos, which are really light and have enough holes that there's some air movement, but those don't go with a skirt, and I'm not entirely sure I want to wear black pants. Ugh.

So then I went to every store that I could get to in the alotted amount of time, and found absolutely nothing. I did see a little white camisole and cardigan set that would be kind of cute, but it was a little bit more than I wanted to spend. oh well, if push comes to shove...


Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Pic of the Week

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At Mary's the way, I'm in withdrawal...when is his next album coming out?????

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Stuff I Love This Week

A short list of random things that have caught my attention during this past week...boring, but whatever. It's my blog!

The Interpreter- This movie made me even enjoy Sean Penn's performance, which is hard to do because I honestly cannot stand that man. And it's leaving most theaters this week, so go see it- it's wonderful!!!

"Hollaback Girl" Video- This video is so ridiculous I love it. Apparently Gwen Stefani has decided that being tall, thin, and gorgeous while married to a hot brit isn't good enough. No, she wants to go back to high school!!! It's got everything- Gwen in a midriff-less band uniform, Harajuku girls as cheerleaders (really, what high school doesn't have their own Harajuku clan???), and...bananas??? Honestly, I'm still trying to figure out what the bananas have to do with anything, and what exactly, a "hollaback girl" is...either way, it's a funny video. Makes the "Rich Girl" one look normal. Which is hard to do when you have Eve "rocking the fetish" on a table dressed as a pirate...

Project 46664- Named after Nelson Mandela's prison number, this is a foundation to help destitute children in South Africa, and Josh Groban supports it wholeheartedly. Which means I think it's a pretty good idea!!! I'm sure there's a website out there somewhere, but I'm pretty much too lazy to go find it. Google- learn to love it baby.

Deep Throat- I finally know who it is!!!! YES!!! I know I shouldn't be this excited about it, but I really am. Even though I think his daughter is forcing him to do this so she can get money from the book that I have a feeling she's writing for him...I had greedy daughters. I wonder if my mom ever did anything historical???

All the President's Men- The book and the movie. Although I saw Robert Redford on Paula Zahn the other day, and DAMN!!! Why does nature have to be so cruel??? That's another fantasty shot to hell... Everyone must go read the book!!! NOW!!!!

As the Roman's Do- Another travelogue, this one written by a New York Jew who moves to the Eternal City (i.e., Catholicism on steroids) with his wife and two sons. So cute. I want to go to Rome.

Gene Wilder mad because of the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" remake- Sorry, Gene, you just weren't hot enough for your verson to be the definitve edition. Tough break. Go back to you guest stint on Will and Grace- they need anything they can get.

"Behind These Hazel Eyes" video- What is it this spring with runaway brides---not the real one, but the fake song versions. At least it's better than Mariah Carey's one where she leaves Eric Roberts...although, honestly, after that CSI: Miami episode, I wouldn't come within ten yards of Julia's bro. *shivers*

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Star Wars

I am such a dork.

I love Star Wars- even the first two prequels, which weren't even that good. I sat through Attack of the Clones four times in theaters (which, if you know me, is not that often!!!)- and loved every second of it. So, needless to say, I was there opening day for the new one, Revenge of the Sith. Unfortunately, adding to my dork factor, we went to a theater that wasn't too popular, so we stood in line for an hour completely alone. New meaning to "dork".

And this one was actually good!!! It was like I finally had permission to be obsessed with it! Especially matter how many desperate declarations of how hot Anakin is in this movie, he's still way too angsty to be attractive. Whatever. Anyhoo, I loved it so much that I went back on Monday with Swimmergirl and Imladris. Star Wars is special to us, especially Attack of the Clones ("Ty, you bastard!"), and so was Memorial Day, so it was a perfect fit.

*spoilers* (But you should know how it ends, unless you've been living under a rock since 1977, in which case you should read this and join popular society. Thank you. :))

And it was even good the second time!!! I love it. Everytime I see that weird little scrolly thingy with the words going backwards I get chills!!! And this one was actually good! I'm probably the only one who didn't know that Chancellor Palpatine was Darth Sideous, but I did know that he was being awfully bitchy when Anakin and Obi-Wan rescued him, and the fact that I think he was wearing lip gloss kind of scared me a little bit...but whatever. And the part where Anakin becomes Darth Vader was really cool, except that when he started talking it was James Earl Jones's voice going "How's Padme??" in this weird, teenageish kind of way. And Yoda. Yoda rocks in this movie!!! I love Yoda- and he totally kicks ass this time around. He's even humble with the little "Failed have I. Go into hiding I must." thingy---so cute!!! And the final dual between Anakin and Obi-Wan was so climactic-really more emotional that that series usually gets. And it shows off how much better of an actor Ewan McGregor is than Hayden Christiansen. ;)

However, my favorite was probably Obi-Wan. I love Obi-Wan. I'd like to volunteer to keep him company during those nineteen years of exile on Tatoine or wherever (provide, of course, that he doesn't turn into Alec Guinness). And he's so great in this movie!!! He completely rocks the beard thing, which I wouldn't have thought, and he so sweet and funny and good and perfect- and he's got that whole I'm-a-powerful-Jedi-master thing going it getting hot in here??? And- get this- he helps Padme during labor! And holds little Luke (where the hell did she come up with that name???) after he's born! How adorable is that???? And then he takes him to those moisture dudes on Tatoine (I known it's not spelled correctly...), all wrapped up in that hot Jedi cloak!!!! *thud* "Ty, you bastard!"

A few things I feel I must point out though---

-How naive are those Jedi? Haven't they ever taken a health class? Padme's suddenly pregnant and sharing an apartment with Anakin, and nobody can figure out that he's the father??? I mean, Obi-Wan's all "I'm having a revelation here" when he says it! Grow up, boys...

-Where, exactly, is Padme keeping these babies? Hmmm? First of all, her size fluctuates throughout the movie. When she's wearing a gown she looks kind of normal sized, but then in that little traveling outfit she sports at the end makes her look slighly bloated. I look worse during most of the month- that's not pregnancy, that's life! And then she bounds, literally bounds up the ramp at the end. When she's supposedly ready to pop. Now, I've never been pregnant, but I was five the last time my mother was, and don't remember a whole lot of bounding going on. I remember my sister wiping her tears when she was in so much pain that she couldn't move, but there was no bounding. And then she spits out two fourteen-pound kids!!! Did you see the size of little Luke when Obi-Wan was holidng him? That kid is four months, at least!

- On the subject of Padme's size, did you see room for a support shelf in that satin and pearls number that she was sporting the night Anakin had his dream? I didn't- and I'm fairly certain that in real life it would have been neccessary.

- Again speaking of Padme- what the hell happened to little miss I'm-the-youngest-queen-I-am-too-busy-for-you? Now she's a clingy, whiny person who spends most of her time daydreaming and roaming around her apartment while stroking her curiously curled locks (did I miss something? Were they curly last time?). To steal a line from EW- "Are there no books?"

- Dear George Lucas: While I am incredibly indebted to you for giving me this wonderful franchise and a chance to see Ewan McGregor in a role that doesn't involve him molesting every woman in sight, please, for the love of God, stop writing "romantic" dialouge. "Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo"? Please excuse me while I throw up. Love ya!!!

- The Jedi better have a kick-ass optometry insurence program, because Anakin's going to need it after staring out of the tope of his eyelids for two and a half hours. Seriously, I was getting a headache.

- Finally, why hasn't Padme aged a day since The Phantom Menace, while Anakin has grown from a little kid to an adult? And am I the only one who is creeped out by this? Anybody? Like Luke-kissing-Leia crepped out?

Anyhoodles, go see the movie!!!!