Monday, December 22, 2008

Leave my cervix the hell alone, please.

So, TLC is doing the birth of the Duggar child (or, as Colleen, puts it, blurred-out Fundamentalist naughty bits). And, oh! So much wisdom. Apparently, having huge unnatural amounts of sex at the end of pregnancy leads to cervical softening. And a soft cervix makes it much easier to give birth than a (AND I AM NOT EVEN MAKING THIS UP THE WOMAN SAID EXACTLY THIS) cervix that hasn't been "loved on."

Um. Eww. Gross. I do not want to know about your creepy condoned-by-God sexual habits to make childbirth easier. And also, I'm pretty sure that your cervix softens naturally even if you do not find the idea of sex after nine months as a "sacred" vessel just, like, the best thing ever.

Also, Jim Bob thinks that it is the part of the husband to be supportive because that will totally make things easier (My mom: "Oh! It does not make it easier. Stupid."), and he should encourage her to eat healthily and be in shape.

Oh. Oh. If anyone ever suggests to me that I should perhaps eat a more healthy diet or get in shape in order to be supportive? Yeah. He'll never be getting near my cervix, softened or otherwise again. IT'S NOT YOURS ANYMORE, BASTARD.

3 comments:

rockford said...

I want to be there when some poor soul suggests that exercise would be a good idea for you when you are about eight and a half months along...there is a show that words will not be able to describe!!!! I'm not too sure that you would take kindly to said suggestion now, without a pregnancy adding to such a suggestion!

mi_morena said...

*He* will have a cervix.

mickey said...

Oh Rockford is so right...that would be a real show!!!!!!