Sunday, November 29, 2009

I miss him.

It's not all sunshine and Ewan-McGregor-drooling here at The Agony and the Ecstasy, folks. Occasionally I do have real feelings. And this year, they're not even the rage-filled, paint-fume-induced feelings of despair and homicidal tendency that I had last year.

I know, right?

Anyway. Today something awesome happened. Not a big thing, but something pretty cool to someone who is freaking out about being accepted to graduate school. (No, I wasn't accepted anywhere. Trust me, you'll hear the screams.) I was talking to my mom about it, and she said that Grandpa would have been so proud of me.

Which was strange, because as soon as I found out about this, the first thing I thought (well, okay, after "Why wasn't I nicer to you in class?") was, "Wow, I wish I could call Grandpa."

He was always proud of me (of all of us, really), but I feel like he expected me to go to college and do well and therefore it was awesome that I was doing that but hey, I put your mother through law school so you can handle a B.A. in history, young lady. But graduate school is kind of above and beyond, and I would have loved to have called him this afternoon.

Because it would have mattered just as much to him as it did to me.

So even though feelings aren't as raw as they were last Thanksgiving, it still sucks that he's not here with us.


rockford said...

I cried (shocking, isn't it???) when I read your post because this afternoon, again, just for an instant, my mind instinctively went to how happy Grandpa would be when he read the letter and then, in just about that same instant, I remembered that I could not call him to tell is an instant that I still experience almost everyday about calling him for something...but I know that he knows all about what is going on with you - and with me and with your brother and sister - and I know that he is proud - it just really hurts not to be able to hear him say it (I can almost hear him though, it would be something like "she sure is a smart little gal, isn't she...") But I am still here so I can still tell you how very proud I am of you - you have worked very hard and you deserve the extremely wonderful things that your prof said about you...and I know that Grandpa also knows what was in that letter and I know he is very proud of you and is watching over you...I also know that you will be accepted into grad school and that you will ultimately also be very successful at your chosen career...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

mickey said...