Oh. My God. I got a D on my midterm and now my parents won't love me anymore.

That has nothing to do with me (I got an A- *and the villagers rejoice*), but rather what my TA told us people say when they get really bad grades and why he has a You-Cannot-Email-Me-For-24-Hours-To-Discuss-Your-Grade policy, presumably to let all the crazies calm down and discover their own self-worth outside of History 204.

I found this quite amusing, because if you add "And I'm going to die alone" to the end, it's kind of like my mantra for living. Really. From those time tests in first grade (I was convinced that if I didn't answer all those questions in the three minutes they gave me I would be sent to an orphanage.) right up through the ACT (OMG I WON'T GET INTO COLLEGE AND MY PARENTS ARE REALLY SMART AND WHAT AM I GOING TO DO I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE BECAUSE NO ONE LOVES A STUPID PERSON GAH!!!!!!!), I have been a catastrophiser from day one.

Also got an ambiguous but still very good grade on logic test (We get a grade scale on Monday, until then apparently we have no actual value. Which is very existential if you think about it. What does {insert grade here} really mean?), and those supposedly suicide-inducing proof thingys? Um. Really easy. So I'm doing okay and convinced that my parents will love me until finals at least.

It has come to my attention that many different members of my family would like to take to the road in the pursuit of some hyped up Kerouac-esqe dream, (along with the far more disturbing thought that my little sister wants to name her first-born Skeet), and I feel compelled to give them a little talking to.

1.) No.

2.) We are not traveling people. Remember our trip to New York three years ago? No. Didn't think so. Because it DIDN'T HAPPEN.

3.) We have never been a traveling people. I'm very sure that if our ancestors hadn't been lured from the motherland with promises of something other than potatoes, they would have sat on their asses in Sligo for generations and I'd have a pretty accent now and people wouldn't always be going, "Wow. You're really pale."

4.) Just no.

We shall deal with the whole Skeet issue another day. But believe me, it shall be dealt with before I have to stand in front a priest and pledge to uphold the moral health of something named Skeet.

I have also been informed that there will be green-drinking a plenty on Sunday evening, something I'm always thrilled with at the end of along week. Along with green food. I'm not sure how it will be green, and I'm really hoping that Mickey remembers that some of us have compromised immune systems, but I'm sure it will be tasty.

Other people's lives that are clearly more interesting than mine---

It just gets better and better. I cannot tell you How. Much. I. Love. This. Story. It made my ENTIRE year.

You could have had adorable little Edward Norton babies (imagine how cute!!!), and you chose this instead. Some people are too stupid to reproduce.