Today's List of Unacceptable Items

1.) Parents who refuse to parent. I just spent four hours writing a paper outlining my theory of why the First Amendment should not be trampled upon because idiots can't be bothered to find out what kind of trash their children are listening to. I was spoiled, I guess, as my parents were actual parents, who would not have allowed me to get anywhere near antying that could have irreparably harmed me. Unfortuantely you cannot have a thesis of "You morons. If you don't want kids don't have them."

2.) Protestors on the corner. (Okay, this was last weekend. But I'm still mad.) I'm sure you are against the war. That's lovely. But do not stand on a busy corner when I'm TRYING TO GET TO LUNCH and protest and yell and cause people to honk and yell back at you. Gah.

3.) The fact that Tylenol does not, in fact, take away headache.

That's all. I'll really update tomorrow.

Like in dating, if you are considered in demand, then you can raise your price, as it were, and afford to, say, only date "hot" people.

That is how the law of supply and demand was explained to us in discussion this morning.

And no, I don't know what it had to do with anything medieval. I've been trying to figure it out all morning.

I do know, however, that I got an A on my totally ridiculous Black Death story/academic paper complete with footnotes. After six weeks of "OMG, this is a REAL PAPER , so please don't have anything stupid in it," I got mine back with one comment about how he'd like to have seen more of my character. What? *sigh*

The Office was amazing last night- a feat that's becoming more and more rare as the weeks pass. I love this show, but sometimes I think the reason that the British series was so good was that it was so short---they only had to fill twelve episodes. Dawn and Tim could have a defined character arc, and they didn't have to kill time with all this Karen nonsense.

Still. Best show ever.

Well, except maybe for How I Met Your Mother.

Saw Fracture a couple of nights ago with Kate. It was actually quite good, way better than I thought. Anthony Hopkins was good as The Creepy Guy, and Ryan Gosling was quite gifted in the role of Guy Who Takes Off His Jacket 120 Times In a 113 Minute Movie And Also Does Pull-Ups In The Morning For No Good Reason. We get it. He's hot. Still good.

Okay. This will fall under the Too Much Information category for most if not all of my readers, so just warning y'all.

But one of the trailers was for Martian Child, which was completely heartwarming and adorable. I am in love with the ENTIRE Cusack family and bought Must Love Dogs shut up , some more than others, and I'm pretty sure I started spontaneously ovulating during this trailer. John Cusack as a widower with an adorable little kid who thinks he's from Mars? October 26th. I'm there.

See? Told you it was too much information.

Before I go tonight, I'd like to draw your attention to one of the most obscure and ridiculous items I have ever seen in my entire life, and may, in fact, be one of the primary reasons that the rest of the world hates us---because we guilt foreign celebrities and Teri Hatcher into performing in dumb-ass charity videos. Not that I didn't laugh my ass off.

Post-Pre-Sale Update: The Return

Milwaukee: Center floor. Row 19.

St. Paul: Side floor. Row 25.

That's right. I rawk.

I was not pleased, however, at exactly 10 o'clock when all that the site would give me were crappy seats in the balcony. I did not join the fanclub for balcony seats, y'all.

Also, Green Bay was sold out. *tear* But that's okay. I'm good with the two.

Also Squared: this does not make The Worst Night Of My Life okay. NOTHING will make that okay. EVER. I could marry Josh and give birth to his adorable curly-haired children and it would still not make it okay. Do you understand. NOTHING. So do not even bring it up, or I will be forced to throw something at you. Hey. If I can threaten my 90-year-old veteran grandfather, I can threaten you.

Other than rejoicing about my ticketed blessings, I've done absolutely nothing today. Wait. That's not true. I've drunk about twelve cups of coffee (not sure, but I know I made eight this morning, and then remade ten, but my mom and sister had some...so...), downloaded Kelly Clarkson's new single (What? I'm a dork. I never pretended to be anything else.), and joined a bunch of Facebook groups (now a proud member of "I tried to ford the river and now my *not appropriate for a family blog* oxen died (uwm chapter)". Hell yeah. Also the Sheriff of Nottingham Appreciation Society. Represent.

Nobody told me it was freakishly addicting.

Have lots of other stuff to do. In theory at least. The house is filthy, there's laundry up the chute, and I have a paper to write (the final one of freshman year---woot). But that Oregon Trail group was so much more fun.

Oooh, bought The Queen yesterday---sooo good!!! Everybody should go see that movie, not just nerds like me. One of the best movies I saw all 2006.

Supposed to go see Fracture tonight, if Person I'm Going to See Fracture With ever calls me back. *sigh* Does anybody know what that's about? I know Notebook Guy and Anthony Hopkins are in it, and I think Anthony Hopkins plays a killer (duh), but other than that I'm not sure. It's totally not my kind of movie, but there's nothing else out.

Rosie's leaving The View. Oh, sad. I loved her on that. Now I don't have a reason to watch every day. Boo!!!

Ding dong the one-legged, gold-digging whore is gone. I'm sorry. That was mean. But you do not hurt the only Beatle people care about and get away with it, missy. That's right. America doesn't feel so sorry for you anymore.

Just a quick note- I'd like to apologize for the end of the last entry. I had just joined the facebook group "Alan Rickman is a Dead Sexy Beast". Shut up.

*fin*

The Return of the Pink Shirt

And my day just got a little bit better.

Watching episode 4 of The Tudors. Saint Thomas More is really hot. *blasphemous sigh*

I so want this to come out on DVD soon, because I'm not patient enough to sit at the computor for more than one viewing of each episode.

Uh-oh. Anne's being a whore. Not smart, Anne. Rule #1 of Staying Alive in Tudor England: You do not screw with the mentally unbalanced guy who believes God made him king. Stupid whore.

So I finally joined the rest of the world and got a Facebook thingy. Interesting. And now I feel exposed. Stalking for the 21st century.

Tudor Item of Note that I Really Didn't Find Until Just Now: Jonathon Rhys Meyers checks into rehaps. As do, presumably, hundreds of teenage girls form the United States and Britain. Maybe the first sign should have been all the domestic violence disputes. Just a thought.

Finally got around to watching my DVD of Marie Antoinette, that has been out since what? February?, and omg that cribs with Louis XVI hilarious. This is my hall of mirrors. It's basically a hall. With mirrors. That I walk through. And I can check myself out.
Tee-hee.

How much did I laugh at last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother, even though I'd seen it befored. So hard.

BREAKING NEWS ETA: OMG HARRY POTTER TRAILER UP NOW!!! Funny, my brain came up with completely different ways to use "mind" and "discipline" and Snape showed up too... Okay. I'm going to go now. My family reads this blog.

It's dull, you twit, it'll hurt more.

I'm in a slightly better mood than last time, as I have not arisen freakishly early for absolutely nothing, instead they let me leave work an hour early because there are approximately two people in the world who would rather be in a bookstore than outside on the first nice weekend after a horredously long winter, and they were presumably at Barnes and Noble. So I drank coffee all morning and got to leave at two. Sweet.



Also have spent the last three days watching the episodes of The Tudors (omg, sooo good!!!) and the first couple of season 2 of Rome. I. Love. That. Series. More than I love family members, in fact. Yesterday I wouldn't even turn it off to write my paper- I sat with the laptop on my lap and watched it on the better computor. I'm sure my formal analysis of Stom's Christ Before the High Priest benefited greatly. I think I'll proofread once more...

Tee-hee. Octavian just called his mother a *bleeping* whore.

Also, all hail the arrival of my brand new Razr phone!!! *squee* Thre would be a picture here, but you obviously can't take a picture of the camera, and as Colleen has stolen my real camera and placed it somewhere that I can't find before deeming it not worthy of her brilliant photography, there is no picture. *pout*

But it's adorable and cute and sleek and omg sooo much fun to talk on!!! And black. Very nice. And I have downloaded Outdoor Cafe at Night as my background, so yay for my dorkiness.

I am scoping out games other than solitaire, because I have to work like seventeen hours next weekend, and tri-peaks is getting a little boring.


Well, I'm going to go preteend I'm an outdoor person and at least look out the window at the prettiness. Ciao.

Morena, Queen Consort

Good news, all. I have discovered a brand new perfect use for my prospective but as-yet-unearned and otherwise completely useless bachelor's degree in history. I'm going to marry Prince William and become Queen of England. That's right. Bringing the realm back. I expect a canonization for this.

Now, normally, one would think that an Irish-American Roman Catholic commoner with a strange affection for guys older than her parents would perhaps not be welcomed with open arms by the monarchy, but frankly after everything the previous generation did, I'm looking better every day. I have never been photographed on a beach having my toes sucked by my boyfriend. I just swear a little.

Just so long as Grandma doesn't find this blog. That could get embarrassing.

(ETA: The first thing I'm going to do in royal capacity? Be present at the opening of this thing. A Great Expectations boat ride and roaming Artful Dodger ala Cinderella? Sign me up.)

Moving on to things that are actually occurring, let's all bow our heads for a moment and remember my cell phone, which died unceremoniously this morning. It's been coming for a couple of weeks, turning off occasionally, but always coming back. Not this time. *sigh*

I did not need another huge expense right now, but apparently the Gods of Cingular disagreed.

And I loved my phone!!! It was my baby!!! It was cute and flippy and played Remember When It Rained when somebody called. I remember the day I got it---a scarce twelve hours before I was scheduled to spend a week in Cleveland. I was so worried it wouldn't come and I'd be without my cute flippy phone during the Week From Hell (if I only knew...).

This was also the day that Mary, Kate, and I tried to sneak Colleen into Kingdom of Heaven. It didn't work- the barely post-pubescent ticket girl was a friggin' Nazi. So we got pizza and watched Ocean's Twelve instead. Still fun. No Crusading Orlando, but still good.

Anyhoodles, I now have a new phone on the way, and am relegated to using my little brother's cell with the Spongebob Squarepants ringtone until then. *sigh*


So I've had very little to do lately, as I kind of have no life, so I've been devouring episodes of the first season of Rome, and finally finished it.

Oh. My. Gosh. I love that series. (Surprising amount of incestuous sex aside.) I would have it's babies. (This offer, incidentally, also goes for pretty much any guy on the show. Damn, that was pretty group of people.) I am now personally offended that HBO cancelled it. I need the second season to come out on DVD soon, or I shall perish.

I smell meatloaf. I go in search of it.

(ETA: I'm pretty sure I won't update before tomorrow morning, so welcome back to the Empress!!! We missed you! Even if I was able to watch TV at night with the sound on. That was pretty nice. But in general, missed you.)

BREAKING ROYAL NEWS!!!!!!!!

Prince William and Kate Middleton break up. See? God wants me to be queen.

Also? Amicable my ass. He's PRINCE WILLIAM.

Super-Hot Henry VIII would like to issue a congratulations...

...to the Lovely Mary for passing her driver's test. *and the villagers rejoice before he summarily executes them for being Lutheran/Catholic/Lutheran again/Papist/Catholic hey I never said he was fair, just hot*

And he'd also like to tell her that he's not going anywhere for awhile. I think we're all thrilled about that one.

I have a bachelor's in kicking ass and taking names.

That may be more marketable than history. Huh. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. After I stop dry-heaving over the loss of my career prospects.

Le anyhoodles, I'm not feeling too benevolent towards anything connected to the university, as they decided to SCREW ME OVER and take my English history class and turn it into an online class. That is, I pay three hundred dollars more, and lack a lecture. I don't know about you, but other than the surprising number of digressions on British history that my nationalistic TA made us sit through this semester, I know very little about their history, and I'm thinking that I don't want to pay three hundred dollars for the priviledge of teaching myself sixteen hundred years of history I know nothing about. *headdesk*

Well, this obviously impacted my schedule, and it took my an hour to figure out a replacement. *headdesk: the return* I was not pleased. But I moved stuff around, and now have a massively packed schedule with ancient egyptian civ, other random history course, two psychologies, art history, and one completely incongruous oceongraphy.


This is actually a better arrangment, as the Egyptian civ gets me some of the non-Western credit that I need and was dreading taking because my interest drops off completely at the Ural Mountains. It doesn't make me in a better mood, though. *deathglare*



Also not assisting in the mood today? The fact that I was hailed upon on the way to class. That's right. Hail. In April.

And now it's snowing and windy and have you ever tried to drive a freaking billboard in massive wind gusts? Not fun.


This is the backyard as of twenty minutes ago---





It's worse now.


It was not, however, snowing on Saturday night for the highest holy day of the year, which is very important for it's own reasons but also because we get to play hopscotch at midnight, as Mary is demonstrating here.






Good times. Twas pink, y'all.

Random Daily Show link. My favorite part? "Oh, and the expuslision from Egypt. Not pretty." I can hardly express how much I love this show.



Just when you think it's all over, it just keeps getting better. BONDAGE PHOTOS. She had bondage photos. This made my week.

You can be a professional soldier, or you can just be a...soldier on the weekends? I'm sorry, I don't know where I was going with that example.

Well, my Empress is away, as are my high heels, my Bridget Jones books, my umbrella, my sunglasses (Ralphie was too frail to make the journey), and my iPod, fully loaded with Nickelback's greatest hits and about 56 tracks of Oh God make the Argentinian wailing stop. The highlight of my day? When I got out of a freakishly long essay exam with enough time to get a stale muffin before running across the ENTIRE east side to one of two art history classes I had this morning, because I had to leave my house at SIX FORTY FIVE to pick up a friend who had other licensed people at her house who could have driven her. Yeah. Morena was not pleased.

Also, two thirds of my entire readership is out of town and away from computers. The other one third is sitting on the couch sobbing about her baby. I'm thinking not a lot of comments.

I did, however, have like the best day ever in history, because she talked about my favorite pervert, Abelard again. Which I totally eat up almost as much as the whole astronaut love triangle thing, because oh my gosh the only thing that beats a woman in diapers armed with pepper spray is a guy who sleeps with his students and then gets castrated. Teehee.

Well, today, she went into the whole thing, like how when he was "just" her teacher, Heloise's (the slept-with student) uncle was all "Oh, you should discipline her more if she's not behaving," and told him to slap her around. Okay, now imagine this being told to a room of sixty twenty-year-olds. There was this huge pause, and then everybody started giggling uncontrollably. It was the funniest things I've heard in a long time.

Except maybe when Frenchie went "You want to watch other people?" You had to be there.

Other subjects went well, too, although without the S&M humor, which adds a lot to a lecture. JMC was an astoundingly easy test, at least I think it was. I guess I have to wait for my grades to be sure. Whatever. I got a muffin afterwards. I was happy.

Art History TA is just giving up. She is so over this. It's kind of amusing. Also amusing? When we were talking about how we all have to go to the art museum and she said, "Okay, but no matter how much you like the paintings, do not touch them. Do not rip them off the walls and put your foot through them." Teehee. Little local humor here, folks.

Logic is logic. There's not a whole lot you can say about it.

Well, House is on (Bunch of people sick on a plane. Imaldris's comment: "After all these movies, people still insist on ordering the fish?"), and I'm going to go. Ciao bella.

No, I don't got this.

It's Good Friday- yay! Um, well, not because of the whole Christ-dying thing, which is very sad and sobering, but because I love the Triduum and all of it's Latin and incense glory. I'm a real Latin and incense girl, even if I mispronounce everything because I spent two really long years learning (and doing quite well at, thank you very much) classical and not church Latin because Papists=evil, at least according the mission statement of the school I was going to at the time. This is also why they PAINTED OVER the Blessed Mother in the chapel. Humph. They're going to have some serious explaining to do at the apocalypse.

And in order to properly commemorate the suffering and death of our Lord, I think that classes should have been canceled today.

UWM didn't agree.

We did get to talk about Peter Abelard, who embodies the main reason I love history so much- that I can earn a degree and get to write papers about guys who sleep with their students and then have their testicles chopped off by her family!!! I love it so much. He became a monk, obviously. Teehee. I was biting on my pencil SO HARD to keep from laughing out loud.

Also theoretically had logic discussion, but I am completely kicking predicate logic's skinny ass and had no questions, but I really just wanted to go home. So go home I did.

And spent the rest of the day lolling around the house, basking in the glory of knowing that I can sleep in tomorrow (*choirs of angels sing*). I love it.

Then went to Mass Good Friday services (what? They're kind of the same...), which was lovely except that Mary was clearly fuming about having her unbroken string of serving like sixteen Good Fridays in a row (little known fact, she did serve at three ;)) broken by some little children I've never seen before. And they almost set the cross on fire. Teehee. And Colleen got the church giggles. Bigger teehee.

Pretty picture. I'd like it to rain now. Not snow. Which it's supposed to do tonight. *sigh*

Just two things to comment on today~

I give you, the Most Ironic News Story Ever.

FINALLY!!! Someone else is sharing the creepy saint-love!!!

Pssh. They should have gotten Alan back.

Have a good rest of the day, all!!!

Panda Sex Song

All right. I'd just like to say that my day was kind of sucking what with the whole bus being late, falling asleep in the afternoon and then feeling all cranky, Dancing with the Stars showing crazy people that I DON'T CARE ABOUT instead of my beloved Josh, as well as the whole worthless degree thing.

But no more. Because now I have Josh singing about Panda Sex.

The funniest thing I have ever seen.

And this clearly is enough to induce seizure-like happiness.

Good night, all.

ETA: I just stopped laughing long enough to realize that JOHN SHOULD NOT CLICK ON THIS!!! *ahem* This has been Kathleen looking out for your immortal soul.

We shall war with France. And then I can play.

All hail the Lovely Mary's Lovely Consort Nick, who is in possession of Showtime and tapes and therefore I will have the episodes of The Tudors, in all of their uncut Showtimey goodness, almost as they air. Life is good.

Just a couple of thoughts on the Tudors, because as you may have been able to divine from the past---oh---two years of posts, there is nothing I like more than a juicy-if-completely-inaccurate-royal saga (see: the entire summer of '05, or When I Convinced Myself I Was Russian).

- Thomas More? Sexier than previously assumed. Oh, I am so going to hell. The special hell for people who want to sleep with saints.
- Prepare for Reign? Probably the best tagline ever. I'm thinking of having it tattooed somewhere. Right after I send in my transcripts to St. Thomas More College.
- OMG I TOTALLY WANT THE POSTER!!! Somebody buy it for me, please.
- Okay, so I'm thrilled and humbled that IMDB offers the first two episodes, but they majorly edited them. I am not amused. Yeah, I'm sure there's something about it being a family site or whatever, but I seriously doubt that any person searching for and watching any episode of a Showtime series is going to be irreparably harmed by seeing some woman's breast. Get over it.

As of Wednesday night when I realized that I was about to start Year 2 of working towards a career that I don't want and consequently had a major breakdown that involved me flipping out on the sofa until Bones came on, we have a New Life Goal here in the Realm of No Marketable Skills, Talent, or Drive to Succeed- I've changed my major to history, and am now considering either law school (in very few situations is law school the easy way out, but I think it might apply here), or going on and getting a PhDin history and then teaching. Or, I'm going to die in grad school.

Having no marketable skills is a difficult thing, but having one marketable skill (writing) that you don't want to market is even more difficult, and when I actually thought about it (something I try to avoid at all costs), the only thing I can think of being happy doing is teaching. Either little kids or adults. And I'm way too shallow to survive on thirty grand a year for the rest of my life. So there. New Life Plan.

Please, before you automatically assume that this will be replaced by, oh, I don't know, kineseology or something in like three weeks, and begin to scroll through this, bear with me. I'm serious this time.

First, I'm going to be a sophomore, so I really do have to make up my mind about SOMETHING soon, or I will have spent two years starting every major in the College of Letters and Sciences. Not recommended.

Also, this time I did not make a decision under the influence of the emotional wreckage caused by graduation (art history), failure of requirements for another major (journalism), plan to marry a prime minister (international relations), or a hot TA (psychology). I am going to be at UWM for a long, long, long time (no emotional problems), I'm doing quite well in all my classes (no French---whee!!!), I realized it's a crapshoot to marry a prime minster because you have to get them while they're young or people think you're a gold-digging whore and then you're not sure whether they'll be rich or unemployed (no pipe dreams). So I have managed to make a decision without emotional distress. Am quite proud of myself.

And yes, I realize that this sounds like every other resolution I've made regarding my education, but this time I really think it makes sense. Of course, this is coming from the girl who has had 125% more majors than semesters completed, but whatever.

Dissertation topics, anyone?

Continuing with my crusading movie mini-marathon, I'm almost finished with Kingdom of Heaven, which much like Troy, apparently kicked ass at the overseas box office. Which would explain why the United States managed to come further in 250 years than the French ever have, even with a 1200 year head start.

I started watching it last week, but I was so exhausted that I fell asleep, and when I woke up Orlando was in Jerusalem already and shtupping the Bond Girl (btw, I bought the movie, and Natalie was right---it was worth it...) and I was very confused. So I had to start it over.

Tears for the fact that we never get to see Edward Norton though (although the mask thingy was kind of hot...okay, it wasn't, but still), and that he's dead with an hour left to go in the movie. *sigh* Why must the hot die young?

Well, I'm sure I had other things to talk about, but frankly I can't remember any of it. I've been interrupted writing this by two runs to pick up Colleen, two people at the door, and three phone calls.

So this is all you're getting. How I Met Your Mother tonight---*does happy dances*