Bulletin!!!!

As if we didn't have enough natural disasters to worry about, now Britney Spears has reproduced. And not with a stellar genetic specimen that might possibly contribute enough chromosomes to improve, or at the very least cancel out, the disgustingly lilting Louisiana accent (aren't they in enough pain?) and seriously lacking mental capabilities, but with Kevin Federline. Known in some circles as "K. Fed." Doesn't a name like that just make you want to make him your baby's daddy??? Or not.

And according to sources (I know nothing, I'm just the messenger), she has named him Preston Michael Spears Federline. Preston? Cute name. My little brother named our rabbit that name. But I would not name my son that. And I really wouldn't give him enough names to ensure teasing on the playground well into junior high. As if being Britney Spears's son wasn't enough. "Hey, man, I saw your mom on MTV last night. The naughty parochial schoolgirl thing is hot." Then Preston would just have to get mad...I'm seeing a lot of frustration here... ;)

And in other news (any other day this would be front and center), Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney are splitsville. They're trying to get an annulment. Apparently, they've only spent fifteen days together since they got married four months ago. I got closer to all my lab partners. Much like Lisa Marie and Nicolas Cage, "that's not a marriage, that's a sleepover!" (yeah, I totally ripped that off Imladris. Kudos to her.)

And, for two relatively private people, this was the PR move of the year. When Britney is off multiplying and repopulating the earth, nobody really cares about Bridget Jones and the Country Singer who isn't Keith Urban (not that I really care about him, either, but he and Nicole Kidman are getting pretty cozy, or so I hear...). I wonder if they were sitting outside the Spears/Federline mansion this morning waiting for her to go into labor so that they could call their publicist. Personally, I would have gone with before the birth, because then everyone would have been like "Omg, what?!?!?!" for fifteen minutes and then moved on. But now it's the first story that pops up on People.com. Still, you can guarantee that it's not going to be on the cover of anything this week.

Well, except maybe the tabloids. Because giving birth isn't really a salacious event. Unless K. Fed. was in the other room knocking up his next interest, Star probably doesn't care.

Anyhoodles, this will cover my need for gossip until Bennifer II gives birth, totally!!!