Golden Globes '06 Recap

Ah, the Golden Globes. Possibly more fun than the Oscars because everybody's drinking. :) I'm reminded of Dickens, because it kind of was the best and worst of nights...Johnny lost to the manwhore who won't date Catholics because one wouldn't sleep with him, but Hugh Laurie won- finally!!!

Anyhoodles, last night had everything- off-color jokes from George Clooney, Mary-Louise Parker going all Roberto Benigni, and bunches and bunches of gays. But no penguins. No matter. I don't like penguins.

Let's start with the Red Carpet, shall we??? I watched E! and TV Guide simulataneously, but we'll start with E!. In what I think was a rather disturbing decision on their part, they fired Kathy Griffin and hired Ryan Seacrest and Debbie Maten-some-long-Greek-name in her stead. And Isaac Mizrahi. Who was asking everybody if they were wearing any underwear. Why? Why are we so concerned with underwear. I mean, I was a little bit disturbed by Drew Barrymore's lack therof, but still. And when you ask Eva Longoria a bikini wax question and she gets offended, you know it's time to pull back a little, k, Isaac??? He was also feeling up most of the guests.

And then he started harassing Hilary Swank about her separation from Chad Lowe. And she's just kind of standing there like, "Um...no, we're trying to work things out." And Isaac's all like, "Sure, hon, whatever. How do you feel about thongs???" It was kind of sad.

Meanwhile, Ryan Seacrest is safe in the little tower without ever having to touch any part of the female anatomy. He looked relived. No, I kid, E! was basically a three hour attempt to convince everybody that Ryan Seacrest is straight. It failed miserably in my humble opinion.

Over on TV Guide, Joan Rivers is screwing up everybody's names. But the funniest thing came when Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton came up, and Joan asked them how long they'd been together. They kind of jokingly said sixteen years, and she replies in all earnestness, "Really? Oh, that's wonderful!" They just kind of looked at her awkwardly.

And how upset did Barbara Hershey look that she's not the center of attention anymore??? You could totally tell that she though she was safe hooking up with an Indian British guy. And now nobody wants to talk to her. And he's cheating on her. It's a little bit sad, really.

And Paul Giamatti joked that he hates wine and wine people...and the little interview person took it seriously. Watch as dozens of art-house cinema geeks cry into their pinot noir.

Anyhoodles, let's move on to the actual awards. George Clooney won the first of the night, Paul Giamatti did not look amused. And then Sandra Oh won, which was cute because she looked so happy. And almost knocked her poor pregnant sister off the chair. I don't know about her, but if my sister looked like Sandra Oh and I was beginning to resemble Shamu, no matter what Miracle of Life crap was taking place within me, I would not go to a party with her. I just would not. Anyway, I was kind of hoping she'd get up there and be like "You may now suck on this Alexander Payne, because I got farther this year on my own. Ha!!!" But she didn't. I was bummed.

Let's see, who else won??? Oh, Jonathon Rhys Meyers, the ax-murdering soccer coach of the summer of '03...Geena Davis was quite funny spoofing the political angle of her show, and Steve Carrell's speech was funny. And Reese Witherspoon is just so cute, isn't she???

And Hugh Laurie won. YAY!!!!!! And wasn't his acceptance speech adorable??? "That's not my handwriting...oh, he's good..." HAHAHAHA...I'd be even happier if American Idol weren't preempting House tonight...bugger...

I think this was the time when the festivities were interrupted by a long, long, long tribute to Anthony Hopkins, where Gwynnie Paltrow appeared to have adopted some sort of weird (Canadian?) accent and freaked us all out by showing Hanibal Lector clips. *does teeth sucking noise* That's fun to do. And they showed the Human Stain scene where he's dancing with Gary Sinise...odd, but funny.

And then Lost won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so FREAKIN' HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love my little castaways!!!!!!!!!!! And when they all tracked up on stage it was so cute!!!!

Then the "big" awards were announced, and it got pretty boring pretty quickly. I'm sure Phillip Seymore Hoffman did a lovely job in Capote, and probably irreperably damaged his vocal cords trying to do that voice, but his acceptance speech was a snooze. And Felicity Huffman turned hers into a public service announcement...boring. And then Brokeback Mountain won, which everybody knew but it made it no less uninteresting...

Overall happy with the winners, Pride and Prejudice should have won, but whatever...so cute how Emma Thomson introduced it, although someone seriously has to tell girl that she's not twenty anymore. Loved how she and Hugh Laurie were talking during the break, just like at Oxford. Except I'm assuming that Hugh Laurie's wife was sitting at the table going, "K, bitch, just cause he's way hotter now doesn't mean you get to try again..." Mr. Darcy's put on weight...and he needs to shave. Other than that, super hot.

So what did everybody else think? I know anonymous wanted Charlie Sheen to win, and Imladris is still basking in Elvis's glow, but other than that... ;)