OMG, y'all, MAJOR batshit goin' down on The View today. As we all know (or at least those of you who have no lives do), yesterday Star Jones announced that ABC had canned her newly teeny ass. And then we all know (or at least those of you who check People.com before breakfast) that ABC did not take kindly to her announcment of said canning, and suggested that maybe she and her newly tiny ass should sleep in and not show up for the show today. Oh snap.
So I totally made Imladris tape it, because I was going to miss it, and it delivered like Dominos. Or as like Dominos as something that didn't involve Star storming the stage and flashing the audience or something truly good like that.
So Barbara starts out in a very calm, controlled (too calm and controlled, if you ask me) and kind of says how sorry they are that Star is leaving. And then...she kind of goes crazy, but still in that controlled, calm voice, like "Star made other decisions. She decided to sensationalize, and screw the rest of us over, and she can just take her now-famous, ex-DA, newly skinny, totally nipped/tucked ass TO HELL. *deep breath* When we come back, sex with your boss. A good thing?"
Oh the estrogen-fueled craziness.
Apparently Imladris is crazy bored, and is now amusing herself by watching old home movies of Baby Imladris and Baby Morena. (Baby Boy came along after Mom and Dad got over their fascination with the video camera). Also Grandma and Grandpa and Spawn of Mickey show up occasionaly. However, Baby Morena is being sorely under-represented here, because every time she shows up, Grown-Up Imladris changes the tape. Grown-Up Morena thinks that she is feeling threatened by Baby Morena's cherubic-like cuteness. Although Baby Imladris was pretty darn cute, too.
(Oldest Spawn of Mickey just showed up. He's misbehaving. Shocking, I know.)
HAHAHAHAHA, this was the year that Santa was drunk and had to go home and Grandpa was making black coffee jokes. Teehee.
(Mickey herself just showed up, sporting a very large hairstyle, a hole in the ozone layer right above her head, and a camcorder conveniently shovering her face. She looks very young, though. I know she'll appreciate that.)
Grown-Up Imladris just wondered why I'm not like I used to be (on crack, in her own words). I informed her that while singing a mangled medley of O Little Town of Bethlehem/Away in a Manger and Goy to the World (no, it's not a typo, that's how I pronounced it) while wearing a Notre Dame cheerleading jumper is adorable at three, at nineteen they're looking into thorazine drips and straighjackets.
Worked yesterday. Got paycheck- yay!!! Got schedule-yay!!! Got callusses- no yay. Have to work on Fourth of July night. Can't drink during the day. Bugger. How am I supposed to celebrate my nation's independence without Mr. Bartles and Mr. Jaymes??? I like them better that Mr. Jefferson, anyway. They didn't screw the help give their slaves such a comprehensive benefit plan.
Going to go watch the cuteness that is me...
1 comment:
OK first of all, I'm pretty sure the parentals were dosing your bottle, for some reason or another, because you WERE on crack.
Secondly, you were cute, but no, I am not threatened. *scoffs*
Thirdly, ABC > Star Jones. Yeah. Painful. Poor little Elizabeth Hasselback looked so vewwy vewwy frightened. I was waiting for Barbara Walters to take both her hands and say soothingly, "Baby, just because Mommy and Daddy are fighting doesn't mean they don't love you very, very much, OK sweetness?"
Fourthly, all Santas should be drunk. The kids never remember that experience anyway.
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