Scene: Grandpa's house, this morning. I fall down the stairs. Loudly. But with a simple elegance.
Mom: What was that?
Mom: Are you okay?
Me: Fine. Anyway, we have a problem.
Mom: Oh good.
Me: Contrary to the laws of physics, there are two screws in the door that refuse to actually come out of the door. They spin, and I can unscrew them forever, and they still aren't coming out. It is perplexing.
Mom: Um. That's not good. I don't know...Really? They spin but don't get any further out?
Me: Yes. I just spun them for like five minutes.
Mom: That is perplexing.
Flooring Guy Who Is Not There For Anything Having To Do With Screws: It sounds like the hole is stripped. You'll need to create some sort of pressure on the back of the head and then use a pliers to pull them out. Is is a flat head or recessed?
Me: Um...whatever kind fits this screwdriver? *wields screwdriver*
FGWINTFAHTDWS: Oh, yeah. That's your problem.
Me: Okay. Thank you.
It worked. I should not be allowed around tools. And we clearly need to keep intelligent people in the house at all times.