I just gave a quarter to a homeless guy, I think it was Johnny Depp.

Blogger HATE!!!!!!! No icons today. Bugger bugger bugger bugger.

And I am NOT in a good mood. I got like five combined hours of sleep, if sleep here takes the meaning of tossing and turning in the heat and occasionally starting a rosary before getting really bored from midnight until 1:47 A.M., and then kinda sorta from 5:11 until I was awakened at seven thirty to be told that I was now home alone and had better be alert in case I was attacked by a hatchet-weilding rapist. I'm not entirely sure how being alert would help in that scenerio, except I'd know I was being hatcheted to death and raped, but it's important to my parents, I guess.

They should have gotten me at two o'clock. I was bright eyed and bushy-tailed then, because I'd given up on sleeping and was instead watching an incredibly mind-numbingly dull movie whose plot I could not follow. There was a soldier, and a girl, and they were in Mexico or something (actually, I thought it was Spain until the soldier started hitchhiking to San Fransico), and they were totally in love, but her family was against it, and there were tears and then a big fire and they tried to fan it out, even though it was totally NOT GOING TO WORK because it had TOTALLY TAKEN OVER THE VINEYARD. I think it was a vineyard. I know they were worried about roots. Maybe they were growning something else. I didn't care, really. But forty-five minutes in I was sick of it and was just like, "Oh come on. Give it up. I'm sick of all your whiny Mexican honor crap. Just throw down an make out already!!!"

But the hitchhiking, tear-inducing, out-of-control-fire-fighting, honor-clad soldier was Keanu Reeves, whom I love and and want to marry in a totally maternal way, you know, because of the dead baby, dead fiancee, and dying sister thing. Well, okay, not completely maternal. I'm compassionate. Not blind.

And he got 10% of the Matrix box office. That buys a crapload of compassion. And graduate school. I'd mother anybody for law school tuition.

So after Keanu finally did make out with the Mexican the movie was over and I laid on top of my covers and read Bergdorf Blondes, which is annoyingly chick-lit, but in a totally pretentious way, like Plum Sykes (which must be, by the way, a totally fake pen name, unless her mom was high in the delivery room) said, "No. Seriously. This is a real novel, dammit." No. No, it's not.

Hey, actually rejoined civilization yesterday. Went shopping, to a movie, and out to dinner. GAHH!!! I'd forgotten how awesome POTC is when you aren't looking at screencaps. Pirates of the Caribbean: Revenge of Mr. Collins. Still not hot, though. I don't know why people think he is. He scares me. And he should have shaved.

And I dragged my brother, because I was "being a good sister". Yeah. Like when I "was a good sister" and made him go see Harry Potter six times. And rent the first two movies. And rent Stuart Little. I'm such a bitch.

My sister is now standing on the corner trying to find somebody to take her to London, where she will storm Christies and steal this dress. But undoubtedly she will do it in such a cute way that they will love her. Or arrest her, and I'll have to go bail her out of some London psychiatric ward. Which would be fun, I guess.

Okay, I'd just like to say that I've been waiting for this since his chemistry with Joey Fatone was totally more believable than with the woman. Honestly? I think the Russians found out and were freaked out. That's just me, though.

Must go eat lunch and then sit in a waiting room. I know you're all jealous. :D