Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

(Author's Note: There will be no spoilers containded in the bulk of this post. I'll probably put something at the end because I can't NOT talk about it, but I'll have it marked. So don't worry, you won't learn anything crucial to the plot...Oh, and this is going to be kind of convoluted, because I'm working on like five hours of sleep, okay???)

Oh. My. God.

Two years and eleven months of breathless waiting FINALLY culminated last night with me FINALLY being able to see the sequel. At midnight. With a bunch of people who were arguably more excited than me. It was awesome.

Although I feel the need to point out, because even though it's unbelievably obvious critics don't seem to get it, but this is a pirate movie. It is not Schindler's List, it is not Saving Private Ryan, it is not Scarface. Do not expect to be moved to tears or take part in a gripping emotional journey. The fact that Johnny Depp was nominated for an Academy Award last time does not mean he decided to emulate Marlon Brando this time. It's Pirates of the freakin' Caribbean. Eat your damn popcorn and watch things go Boom in typical Bruckheimer fashion. It's summer for God's sakes. Loosen up. Thank you.

That being said, it was unbelievably awesome. Mary, Colleen, and I were gripping each other's hands for like the first twenty minutes. And my heart was doing this weird pounding thing where I was a little bit afraid that it would actually come out of my chest until Jack came on, because I was so excited about seeing his entrance.

Oh, it's good. *grins*

Anyhoodles, since we left them on a cliff in Port Royal three years ago, both Will and Elizabeth have stopped being such girls, Jack has returned to his pirating ways, Governor Swann has changed wigs, and Commodor Norrington has lost the commodor but gained a real sword and a TON of sex appeal. And that gay little suck-up (you know, "He's nowhere to go but back to the noose"...that jackass) of his is nowhere to be seen. So really, we're all good. ;)

Will and Elizabeth are arrested on their wedding day for assisting Jack Sparrow, and in order to escape hanging they have to deliver this Dead Man's Chest to Mr. Collins...oh, sorry. He's wasn't Mr. Collins in this movie. But he was in Pride and Prejudice, and all I could think every time he was on the screen was "I have singled you out as the companion of my future life." HAHAHAHAHA.

Madness ensues as Will and Elizabeth run off and try to find Jack, picking up a drunken, vomitting Norrington in Tortuga.

Oh, and despite what the bitch who clearly just does not know how to take the stick out of her ass long enough to have fun over at EW says, this is SUCH a good ride!!!! I mean, yeah, it's darker than the last one, and there's not really and ending, because it's kind of a bridge like Two Towers, but getting there is SO MUCH FUN!!!!

Jack's a little bit different in this one, I think mainly because Johnny Depp knew who the character was and kind of just pushed that to the limit, and fewer people were saying, "What? Are you gay? Drunk? The Village People???" He was probably less hot in this movie, because in the first one it was like OhmygodtakemenowPLEASE!!!!!!!!!, but this one he was just really funny. REALLY funny. I love him. *sigh*

And they let Norrington be funny too, which was good because Jack Davenport is so funny and he was kind of...not in the first one.

And the trifecta of hotness sword fight at the end??? I'm still recovering. *fans self*

But probably the thing I liked best about it was they didn't really try to be too different. They did a lot of the same jokes, and did a bunch of campy references that everybody ate up. Which is really what you want from a summer franchise, right? To feel like the director and writers knew that you paid attention and loved the first one. The music was pretty much the same, too. In fact, I only recognized a coupe pieces from the second soundtrack. They used the same score for all the important parts, another thing I really liked.

We had so much fun, too. There was this huge line of people, and Colleen made us repeatedly thank her for being anal about getting there so early. And there was this guy dressed up as Jack Sparrow walking up and down the line, scaring the Boy and being funny in an odd kind of way. Not as hot as Johnny. Bummer. And at the beginning of the movie everybody was so excited they just started like clapping and screeching and generally wigging out, which was fine, because that's totally what I was doing too.

Got out around quarter to three, and was on a high for another hour. And then I woke up at nine fifteen and couldn't fall back asleep. So I'm really, really kind of tired right now, despite the espresso in my frappucino.

But OMG, SOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!! So totally worth it. I can't stop gushing. I just have to do a quick....

***SPOILERS*** (Click and drag your mouse over this section if you want to read it.)

Barbossa came back at the end!!!! And everybody cheered again. I don't know why I was so excited, because he's like a bad guy, but everybody was just like, "YAY!!! Friend from the first movie!!!!!" It didn't strike me until this morning that he died in the last one, so I'm not entirely sure how he's back, but he totally is. Yay!!!
And I chooose to belive that Jack did not die. He can't. And it wasn't really a death like eeverybody was saying. They totally overreacted with that.

***END SPOILERS***

And the ending??? You must go see it. Unbelievable. I have to see it again. First I have to stop gushing. But then I'll go see it again. :)