The word is "muster", Denny, but you're right, the law lacks condiments.

Oh, Boston Legal. I do love me some esoteric quirky dramedys with James Spader. Although somebody has got to tell Dude that Sex Lies and Videotape was a LONG time ago and he is no longer attractive, which he obviously thinks he is. Which is not on tonight. Grrr. Do not like it when ABC toys with my affections. Especially for this crap. Except that this scares me a litte, because I have a scary attraction to an affinity for all men accented. And I would probably would have been totally into this guy if I knew him. In fact, I'd probably marry him, if he hadn't already bilked some poor American woman into the same thing. And I would not let ABC Primetime pry me from clutching a pillar in my mansion screaming about how I was a citizen of Her Royal Highness and they cannot do this to me.



*ahem* Taking a break from your regularly scheduled crazy and tuning into the once-every-three-years-pirate-and-hormone-induced crazy, which will probably peter out in a couple of weeks, or months, if it goes like last time, the above picture is seriously overused. Not that I mind, really, but somebody needs to find another screencap to make icons out of. Like that scene where in draws the gun on Jack, which Imladris has now seen once more than me, or even the part where he's puking over the railing. Which is grossly adorable, really. Yes, I know I have issues.



One of those issues is a love of all things juicy, such as the continuing Saga of the Mystery Baby, otherwise known as Where the hell is Suri????

I'm sure that y'all know about the birth certificate debacle, which is just soooo interesting. First, it's filed way later than it should have been. Second, both of her parents full and legal names aren't on there---Tom is still Tom Mapother and Katie is still Katherine. No matter what L. Ron Hubbard thinks. You have to use your real name on legal documents. And a "friend" signed instead of her parents??? My parents signed my birth certificate and I was dying. What the hell is up with that.

But almost all of that I could excuse, because things get screwed up all the time. There is some discussion on the boards about whether or not Tom actually changed his name legally, and I'm pretty sure that Katie could call herself Kate. And names get mixed up all the time- my middle name is different from my birth certificate, and my grandmother's has a different first name. And Tom was in Asia forty-eight hours after the birth, so maybe that's why a parent didn't sign it.

The one really weird thing though, is that the nurse who signed it NEVER SAW THE BABY. The doctor who delivered her "could not be reached"???? What the hell. He's a doctor. The hospital can't find him? So today I hit the boards just to check up on what is happening with all of this, and somebody did a search for this nurse and found out that the registration number doesn't match the name of the signee.

What?

Yeah, I know. I was totally floored too. Apparently the number belongs to a nurse that has nowhere near the name of the woman who signed.

Let's look at what we have here. A birth certificate signed by a friend of the family who didn't show up for three weeks, a possibly fake nurse who was not in the delivery room and has never seen the kid, with wrong names, that was filed way later than it should have been, supposedly for a passport. Now, do you really think that Tom Cruise could take a baby out of the country without having a single paparazzi photo taken? No.

She doesn't exist. That's all there is to it. She was either stillborn or never existed at all. My money's on the latter.



GAH!!!!! This must happen. I would SOOOOO watch. Not that I don't anyways, but I would watch more intently.

Made seven bucks in tips last night. Thank you Mary and Co. I would feel badly about taking money from them, except that I've been paying for Mary since 2003. So if she wants to tip me for making a drink, she can just knock herself out.

Today should mark a return to the more frequent fifty-five cents thing, even with my own dollar of inspiration in the jar. I get really possesive about tips---I get really mad when people either pay with a credit card or don't pocket the twelve cents in change I've just given them. Do you really need that twelve cents??? Isn't it just going to float around in your wallet for all eternity??? I could use it!!!! Grrr. I shouldn't be like this, because I very infrequently tip people at Starbucks, where I go to be disloyal. In fact, I don't think I ever have. But I don't feel so badly, because apparently Starbucks has a kick-ass benefits program that supports even your same-sex domestic partner. Don't ask me how I know that, I just do. So they can do without my tips.

I'm not always stingy, like I tip waitresses and hair stylists. Mostly because I'm afraid that they'll spit in my food or screw up my hair, which is scary tempermental as it is. It's not because I'm a nice person.

Rant over. Go see Pirates!!!!!!!! I must!!!!!!!!!!!!