No, Carter CAN'T, DAMMIT.

We watch a lot of HGTV in our house. Or rather my mom does, and as I'm usually in or around the room, I absorb a lot of HGTV. And occasionally yell comments at the screen.


What? Sometimes I just can't help myself. Like Designer's Challenge, hosted by That Guy From the Bachelor where people are all "Oh, well, we're on a budget, so we only have $25,000 to devote to the vanity area, and the whole bathroom absolutely has to come in under 100 k, we just really need to be responsible." Oh, bite me. If you have enough money to literally shove it up your ass, please do so or SHUT UP. *ahem*

Or the show I don't know the name of because I always just call it "the color show" because it's some probably art history major who parlayed her years of artist, title, dating into a color wheel and openly lusting after the carpenter/painter/idiot who comes in and helps her. God, the giggling. I can't stand the giggling.

But my favorite is Carter Can.

Because, um, he totally has his own show because of his mad carpentry skillz.

Right?

It has nothing to do with the fact that all the frustrated and neglected wives of middle America can watch and come up with lots and lots of other things that I'll bet Carter can do, too. I'd put in a dirty double entendre here if I knew enough about carpentry- something about pipes maybe? Laying down tile? Stuffing upholstery? (Okay, I don't even get that one.)

So if you get a chance, please watch HGTV for roughly four minutes and you'll catch the commercial, with that grinning fool pretending to know how to nail something (NAIL! How could I have missed that one?) even though clearly hair gel comes up far more frequently around set.

I have to work tonight, and I am not amused. And I'm not feeling well.

Still not amused.

Because I have to go, only one link, again-

I'm sure there's a My Heart Will Go On reference in here somewhere, but I'm not going to try to find it. Meanwhile, I like the caption- who's butt indeed?