I am a riddle wrapped in an enigma.

Okay. For the past three months, I have been imploring you, my friends, indeed even random people on the street to never ever buy anything you will not use in the next month. Like that laundry detergent that advertises sixty loads? Unless you do two loads a day, BUY A SMALLER SIZE. Seriously.

But not today. Today I would like to put forth the idea that it is helpful if you stockpile batteries, aluminum foil, dishwasher detergent, and light bulbs. I know, right? Unlike me. I'm going somewhere, though, I promise. Stay with me.

Because my grandfather apparently enjoyed buying these things in large numbers and then stashing them in a scary little hole in the basement. Which I always avoided like the plague because um, scary little hole.

But today I was all geared up to be responsible and get the kitchen ready to paint, but when I went to plug in my iPod, I discovered that I had left the speakers on yesterday and they were all out of batteries. *woe* I was not painting without my tunes. Trashy Euro technopop is the only thing that keeps me from stopping to think long enough to actually feel anything in that house. "Self," I thought, "I'll bet Grandpa has some batteries. Perhaps in that little hole in the basement." And lo! There were batteries! Lots of batteries! When we run out of batteries at home, we usually live in darkness or without speakers or walk across the room to change the channel for like two weeks because we never ever have any batteries and Target is like all the way at the end of the road. So I brought those batteries home.

Then I realized that I could completely avoid my trip to Target that I had to make! Because I needed aluminum foil and Cascade! And I found both of those things in the little hole! It was awesome!

So thank you Grandpa for buying more crap than you could use in your 91 years of life. Because your kitchen looks awesome now that I was able to paint with my iPod on.

(The rule still holds for anything that looks like a bronze basket, a marble egg, or a coin. Those things- NEVER EVER BUY.)