Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Beat me senseless, I'm Irish.

Blatently stolen from Colleen, but what can I say? Dr. Crain is very inspiring.

William of Orange: Hey guys. I'm back.

Parliament: Who are you again?

William of Orange: William. Of Orange.

Parliament: Oh, right. our "king". Hey, where you been, man? Louis' been like, tearing up the continent.

William of Orange: Um, you sent me to Ireland? To put the smackdown on James II? I've been chasing that whackjob Sarsfield all over?

Parliament: Oh, right right right. So, how'd that go? *snigger*

William of Orange: Well, he's Irish. I won. But I've got this thing I need you to sign, just to make him shut up.

Parliament: But, this says we're not going to enslave them?

William of Orange: Yeah. We don't really need the slaves. I mean, the West Indies aren't that big, and Cromwell pretty much just dumped a shipment of them like fifty years ago...

Parliament: But...but, they're Irish.

William of Orange: ...

Parliament: We hate them.

William of Orange: ...

Parliament: A lot.

William of Orange: ...

Parliament: We need to enslave them.

William of Orange: Why?

Parliament: Oh, God, you are so not English. Will someone please explain to newbie why they are inherently inferior and should be thankful to us for curbing their deeply disturbing popish tendencies?

William of Orange: Whatever. I've got some serious hair-curling to get to. Can you just sign this so I can get back to my arranged marriage? I've got a college to found.

Parliament: Um, yeah, I hear what you're saying. I do. But here's the thing, we were kind of thinking of going a different way? Like, we actually drew up this thing, and we kind of need you to sign it.

William of Orange: What is it?

Parliament: Just a little treaty. Taking all their land and telling them they can't read anymore.

William of Orange: What?

Parliament: I don't think they liked the reading thing that much anyways. I didn't see any books when I was over there. Just sign it, okay? Again, we're the GOOD GUYS. Good, Protestant, God-fearing but not a whole lot guys.

William of Orange: But I don't think I can, I mean, I told this Sarsfield guy I'd sign this one.

Parliament: Okay.

William of Orange: So can you sign mine?

Parliament: No.

William of Orange: But I'm not signing yours.

Parliament: Yeah. No.

William of Orange: So how is this working?

Parliament: Um, we were just kind of being nice and asking, since you were here and all. We don't really need you so much. I mean, you're not even English.

William of Orange: Hey! Not nice!

Parliament: ...

William of Orange: ...

Parliament: Okay. This is awkward now. Well, see you later!

William of Orange: Wait, where are you going?

Parliament: That land is not going to seize itself.

William of Orange: But I told him...

Parliament: Oh, honey, I'm sure he knew you were only our fake king.

William of Orange: I don't think so, he was like crying and everything.

Parliament: Don't worry, buddy, we've got it. Why dont you go try to impregnate your wife? I mean, God knows that sister of hers is never going to get a man. And we really don't need another Restoration situation going on.

William of Orange: But...

Parliament: Okay! Bye!

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