This sucks.

We knew it was coming. Logically, we should have been prepared. It's just...well, when I have nothing to say... Words like "died" or "passed away" don't seem to capture it, do they? Verbs can't describe the feeling you have when you lose someone who has been such a huge part of your life, this force, sometimes an incredibly trying force, I'm not going to lie, and then he's just gone.

I knew it would happen last night. I stood in his living room last night and remembered how I felt ten years ago when Grandma died, and I knew that the next time I went back there it wasn't going to be his house anymore. It's not just the actual fact of him, my grandfather, being gone, but the huge sucking absence of the whole chunk of my life that was based around him.

At least now he knows that I really did love him, even when I was in a pissy mood.

(I know, right? Me? Never.)