Okay. So. Remember this summer? When Starbucks bought my undying devotion? For the low, low price of $2 grandes after 2? Thus every single day I was all, "Oh, I should go to Starbucks! It's only two dollars!!!" and spent way more money than I would have otherwise?
Well, technically that's over now. The coupon is expired, I cried a little, but it's okay. But Starbucks would not be placated. Their marketing team, whose genius is so great that they could convince the United States to reinvade Iraq, came up with the brilliant idea to do "treat receipts". So when you buy a drink in the morning, they stamp your receipt and you can can come back after two and get a $2 grande (mama has missed you!!!)
There may be a few problems with this plan.
1.) You're really poor. And probably shouldn't be at Starbucks in the morning anyway because really poor.
2.) Well. Clearly I should be at Starbucks, because I have an empty half hour in between Mass and school and the church is right across the street and well, I do not want to be a part of a world where you cannot kill half an hour at a conveniently located Starbucks.
3.) You are so dumb. Seriously. You're broke.
4.) Whatever. I can't hear you over my skinny vanilla latte.
5.) You could spend that hour studying? Or writing that paper you have to write today. Lots of options.
6.) What's that skinny vanilla latte? You think she's a drag? Me too.
Then later, you may be out running errands to avoid writing a constitutional history paper and pass Starbucks and feel the pull from the receipt in your purse. Again problems.
1.) SERIOUSLY DO NOT PULL IN HERE. You already spent four dollars this morning. FOUR DOLLARS YOU DO NOT HAVE.
2.) But I has a coupon.
3.) I don't care that you "has" a coupon. It's still two dollars for a drink that you wouldn't consider buying if it wasn't two dollars.
4.) But I'm getting tired and the caffeine will keep me awake!
5.) Writing that paper will keep you awake.
6.) I can't hear you over the drivethru Starbucks person. Banana chocolate vivanno with skim milk, please.
It was an interesting day of self-loathing.
And oooh! Guess what?? I have McCain 2008 buttons in the mail! That I can put on my messenger bag and drag around campus and then people can glare at me but whatever, I feel like rebelling.
Nowhere but a state university can you rebel by voting for the 72-year-old white guy.